Well, here I am. People who know me love me whether they like it or not. It's a burden since I dislike most people. You can find My actual Life HERE. I have many fandoms, and many likes but I have yet to find passion in a past time. You are welcome as long as you behave.
I figure as long as STAN can live here, I can too. Here's round two.
So I was on that diet, and I'm pretty sure I accidentally damn near killed myself. That's hyperbole, but it felt like it. I thought that I was just weak from how few calories I had been taking in, but it wasn't that at all. I naturally have a very mild case of anemia. Usually I deal with it easily (not at all) because I eat a lot of red meat. I never think about it. I mean never, literally. Well, I should. I was so weak last Tuesday that I left work. I called in Wednesday and Today. I figured it out over my weekend (Thursday/Friday) when I found all the little bruises on my body. Low iron levels cause people to bruise easily. Even though I went off the diet Monday It took until tonight to feel better, and I would like to stay home tomorrow as well if I can work it out.
Anyway, in all that time basically stuck in bed or on the couch I have watched all 3 LotR movies and all 7 of the Harry Potter movies on DVD. I even mustered the strength to go see the last one at the theater again yesterday. I made it to our "world class" IMAX theater for the first time. It didn't seem any better than the regular, just bigger.
So, on to the rest of my life. I'm supposed to start that new job next monday. I still have no idea what I am going to do. It's the same job, different company, with less pay. I don't want it, but I'm so afraid the second I tell them "no" something bad or stupid or both will happen at my current job. I'm really just stuck. I've been applying places since Feb and this is the first offer I've gotten. Sane and relevant advice is welcome. I think I'm getting an ulcer over it...
EDIT: maybe some info on my struggle would help
I work for T-Mobile. Their parent company told them this year they won't bankroll them anymore since T-Mobile USA has never once made a profit. ATT is trying to buy TMobile USA. No one knows if we'll have jobs afterward or not, though the "excellent employee base" is supposed to be one of the things ATT wanted in the deal. BUT if the acquisition by ATT doesn't go through, TMobile USA will cease to exist not to long after that. BUT if the merger does go through and they don't lay us off and we become ATT employees there's a $1500 retention bonus. I'm just afraid I'm
going to take a paycut to be just as unhappy.
I'm tired of being afraid, afraid of getting fired, afraid of not meeting my expectations for stats, afraid of what will happen either way... No me gusta.
EDIT AGAIN: I have made up my mind to take new, lower paying job. I have come to the conclusion that I think it's more the environment that makes me unhappy than the job(although the job doesn't help).
I cheated on my diet last night, then I went out drinking today. I am a weak girl.
One of my closest friends told me tonight that she has found herself at the beginning of an unexpected pregnancy. She's 29 and has a decent job but her decent job does not offer insurance. She didn't want kids and has taken precautions against this sort of thing, but nature finds a way... She's decided to keep it but she's scared. I don't blame her. I will totally support any decision she makes. She's so worried about telling her parents and sister.
I went out tonight with a couple of friends and Josh, my cousin's step-brother from Australia. He was fun. He's in town another 2 weeks.
I went to the zoo with my parents and my nephews this morning. It was awesome.
Soooooooo I have been offered a job. It's basically the same job I'm doing right now but for an outsource call center for AT&T Uverse. It's also a $5/hr pay cut. I would start Aug 22. I told them yes since I would actually have a month to make up my mind or find something else. I worry, it's a big pay cut and I'll probably be just as miserable. It's the same job, afterall, Customer Care and billing. But, on top of the pay cut, I'll have to start paying for a REAL cell phone plan and my insurance cost will probably increase. I'm really conflicted. I also have decided if I'm willing to say yes to that, I'm applying to places like PetSmart and the Humane Society and other fucking retail places. If I'm going to take a pay hit like that I might as well enjoy the job.
As to the insanity, my training for the new job is 6 AM to 2:30 PM starting Aug 22. That's the day after my 3:15 to midnight shift starts at the job I have now. My insane lunatic brain had the thought today, "If someone will go play with my dogs in the evening, I can work both jobs for a bit." If I were stupid enough to follow up on that I would be away from home from 5:30 AM to almost 1 AM. I suddenly realized that's 4 hours of sleep and vetoed that. I'm really conflicted.
Diet day 5: When I weighed this morning I was down 11 pounds. I'm not really hungry but I'm craving things like mad. I miss carbs and I'm headachy from caffeine withdraw. Right now I'd kill for a potato in any form and I've only been down to 500 calories for 3 days.
My HCG drops arrived today. I think I'll start on Sunday. I need to go grocery shopping and have measurements first.
HCG is a hormone. It is manufactured by a woman's body during pregnancy to keep her body from going into starvation mode as the baby takes more of her nutrients and calories. It's safe to take for non-pregnant women and for men and has the same result of stopping the starvation mechanism of storing calories as body fat. It also triggers the body to release fat reserves. This allows a person to go on a radically low calorie diet and to basically have her body devour itself. Not a pretty way to say it, but that's what it does.
While orally taking the drops a I will be on a 500 calorie diet. All I will be allowed to drink is water, coffee or tea, but instructed to drink lots of it. I have discussed it with my doctor first. I'm excited and scared. Perhaps scared isn't the right term, but it's close. I suppose nervous could work, but not quite. I'm mostly afraid of myself and my lack of will power. I know I need to do something though. In the last few years I have ballooned up to over 260 lbs, most of which is belly fat. Belly Fat, of course, increases risks Diabetes, Heart Disease, Stroke. All the extra weight also strains my joins and causes me a lot of pain. Also, on a conceited note, as I get bigger, my skin breaks out more.
The Diet that goes along with the drops is also designed to reset the Hypothalamus, the portion of the brain that control hunger and cravings. This is an important step for long-term success. One can only take the drops for a maximum of 42 days at a time. after a round of drops she has to take a minimum of 4 weeks off before starting again if needed or wanted. During this respite she is on a maintenance diet.
It's going to be challenging. Wish me luck.
