Well, here I am. People who know me love me whether they like it or not. It's a burden since I dislike most people. You can find My actual Life HERE. I have many fandoms, and many likes but I have yet to find passion in a past time. You are welcome as long as you behave.
I figure as long as STAN can live here, I can too. Here's round two.
Alright, I've been a sad sack of shut lately and I'm sorry and I also cannot help it. I am not seeing an end to my troubles anytime soono I'm tired of being sad and I don't deal well with feeling helpless.
I'm posting from the blackberry ob my lunch, forgive any typos.
I'm no good at Rock Band. Oh well, I wasn't cut out to be a star.
So I keep trying to avoid talking about my personal turmoil to my face to face friends, they all can tell something is up, but they don't know what.I suppose I should talk about it with someone, buyi have trust and intimacy issues, so I'll put it here on the internet where total strangers can judge me and comment on my issues, decisions and behavior. God, I'm on the verge of tears all day, every day and I can't fix it due simply to the fact that I'm the only one trying. Oh well, lunch is over, catch ts later.
Pay no attention to the title, it's just there to draw you in. I'm no more suicidal that you are. Take THAT as you like...
Jordan did actually come home, but nothing has changed, and we haven't talked about anything. Frankly I'm frightened to even think about it.
Enough on that. My mother approved of my paint job, which is good. She also whined that my house was FREEZING the whole time that she was here. She's a Weeny. We sent her home to make dinner and dad and I went once some work around the house was done. It was kind of nice to just hang with my Dad. He said that the wheat harvest is going to be nothing this year for us, almost literally. It's bad, stupid drought.
I'm watching BECK again... It's pretty goddamn great.
My parents are coming over tomorrow. I'm half-assedly cleaning. I'm not putting much effort into it at all, actually.
I didn't sleep well last night at all. I kept dreaming about my house burning down. That and the dog would not settle down and just sleep. Stupid Damien... Haha, Damien loves when Jordan is gone because he gets to be in the bed and not in the kennel over night.
It kind of rained a bit today, which stopped my thoughts of grilling. Maybe tomorrow.
I've had some random and strange thoughts about going to church in the last few weeks. I feel strangely about religion. My entire family is very religious. Not frighteningly so, but they all have a strong personal faith. I mean my younger brother is a Benedictine Monk and my older brother is getting a Master's in theology. Me? I am completely wandering blindly through spiritual life. I was raised Catholic, and as far as spiritual beliefs, I still believe in many of the dogmas of Catholicism, but there are things I do have an issue with. And those things seem to be on the forefront of religious disussions lately and have little to NOTHING to do with God, let alone Jesus. For example, Nowhere in the Bible, NO WHERE, does Jesus say word one about homosexuality, and yet Christians (not just Catholics) try and take a religious stance to justify their bigotry and homophobia... I was also put off but the whole sex scandal, but you know what, it was 30 years ago and it was a difficult lesson learned. The actual fact that is happened was bad enough, but to just move it and cover it up is unspeakable... but that was a limited number of people and not a conspiracy of the entire religion. Priests and Bishops are people, and they are fallible. Yes they have a responsibility to try and be LESS fallible, but they are people.
I got so tired of the news when Pope Benedict came to America a couple of weeks ago simply due to the fact that instead of talking about why he was here all I heard about was that he wasn't going to Boston and how it's terrible to "snub" those victims and ignore the issue. Only no one mentioned that he personally met with 5 victims and their families.
Wow, I'm on a ROLL, should I just keep bitching?
GAS PRICES are ridiculous and I am pissed off that in order to LOOK like something is being done about it congress held hearing in which they "investigated" the record profits made by oil companies in the last couple of years. When told that, "yeah, we know that the average american is hurt by high gas prices, but our MULTI-BILLION dollar profit margin is necessary to fund R&D." And then our entire legislative branch collectively looked around at each other and said, "OOOOOOHHH!" and then 2 or 3 of them suggested that they think they should use 10% of you profits to fund R&D in renewable energy sources, but we won't make you. All of this talk of research and development, while CEOs are taking home 8 FIGURE salaries and bonuses and manufacturing workers are being laid off from american car builders because no one wants to buy our ridiculous gas guzzlers and CEOs of companies LOSING money and laying off blue collars are also taking home 7 figure salaries. Sometimes capitalism is ugly.
Aww, well.... that's been quite a rant and we've hit a lot of different things..
This page is a Title Nazi.
Anyway, it's about 12 hours since my last post and I'm less drunk but still angry. I am an angry girl. Sometimes I wonder if that is the major facet to my personality.
I got hella drunk last night, and I'm not exactly sure why. But in my drunken state I went from joking with Jordan to unleashing a birage of pent up rage at him, some of which was actually at him and some of which was entirely misdirected. But once I started, I couldn't stop. and then I went and locked myself in the guestroom, and slept alone.
He's going to be gone all weekend, and I'm kind of glad. It's part of what I'm angry about, and that horrible person who hides inside me wants me to tell him to fucking stay in Norman. The thing is, this is realy the only way I can communicate with him. If I do it in a calm, rational, adult manner he sits there and "listens" give me no feedback and doesn't participate and he looks at me like a teenager getting a lecture from their parent for something.
Thing is I'm not sorry I yelled at him and I kind of woul dlike to continue to yell at him. I'm going out tonight, so who knows if I'll even see him before he goes.
So I was just looking over this page and it says that "Note that all posts must be PG-13 rated or below." Anyone who knows me knows that probably won't happen.... I'm not trying to ignore the rules, I'm just not a PG-13 person...
So, there is a girl at my work, and she loves me... She thinks I'm the cat's pajamas and she's really sweet. She's freaking me out... When I take a day off, she sends me text messages that she misses me and that I can't take days off anymore. I know that sentence makes it sound more extreme than it is. But the moral of the story is she's starting to go from sweet to annoying... We get along really well, but she's very verbally affectionate. She actually tells me that she enjoys me company, and she likes me around. While at first rather uplifting, too much!!!!!
I've been ridiculously busy, but not with anything busy. It's 11 pm on a Thursday and I have drank (have drunk?) did drink an entire bttle of wine since 10:30... Shut up and keep your judgements to yourself.
I'm sorry I never visit anyone. Its not as easy here and even when I do visit, it won't let me leave a comment, it tells me to log in, so I try to set it on fire, but it's an inanimate space, so I can't... I hate this place, we should all go back to myO right now and have fun that's easy.
Alrght, I've been rockin' it out at work and haven't hated it or anything! I dont know what's going on.
Lacy and Lindsay were down looking for apartment this weekend. I cannot WAIT until they move here. I've missed them so. *lament*
Holy shit, really, what do I need to post about? Movies coming out are 27 dresses and the golden compass... I don't want to see eiher.
