Well, here I am. People who know me love me whether they like it or not. It's a burden since I dislike most people. You can find My actual Life HERE. I have many fandoms, and many likes but I have yet to find passion in a past time. You are welcome as long as you behave.
I figure as long as STAN can live here, I can too. Here's round two.
So you know how the people you love are the ones that drive you the MOST crazy? My BFF gets my sense of humor and doesn't mind that I'm not all that nice of a person. She's smart and motivated and I do truly love her.
Except...
She is ridiculously self centered and oblivious. Her husband makes $50 grand a year. She makes $26,000. They are firmly ensconced in the middle class. They also live in a house her husband basically inherited from his grandmother when she moved to a nursing home, so at this point they aren't making a house pmnt. I make less than $20,000 take home. I have a house pmnt that takes up pretty much one of my two paychecks monthly. I'm drowning in credit card debt from when I was in college and there are months when I can't afford to eat anything but ham sandwiches and/or ramen when I'm desperate. I never really mention that to anyone. I don't like to whine and it's none of their business.
With that groundwork laid, why is the fucking woman ALWAYS complaining about being poor TO ME? "I wanted to get a pedicure but I just don't have the money." Now I appreciate that she pays attention to her finances, but don't fucking whine at me about not being able to do things because you, "feel poor."
Now, if this were the extent of it I would look like a fucking whiny bitch myself. The part that is the most offensive to me though is when she invites me to do things and gets pissed when I tell her I can't afford it. I'm not talking about a beer here or there or dinner. I'm talking like trips to Kansas City or Oklahoma City to hit the casinos or going to Worlds of fun or forking over $40 to be on a Pub Crawl for Cancer team. I appreciate she wants to have fun with me, but she is aware of where I am financially. It's not that I just hold in all this rage. I've told her all of these things on several occasions. That is where the oblivious comes in. She doesn't understand Why I would be pissed that she's pissed. The thought that never crosses her mind? That I don't like saying no, and it's a bit of a self esteem killer to not be able to have fun. I never thought I'd be poor at 31. I had big plans that I dropped out of.
It's a petty complaint, but it kills me. Most of why it kills me is because I've told her that it does but she just keeps going. This week, she was whining of having no money and today I got a picture of the 2012 charger that she bought. Bitch, you are never allowed to complain about money again.
She's not a great listener either. And if trying to think of adjectives to describe her, supportive would not be at the top of the list. She really doesn't know anything about me. She's never asked, and I'm not sure she's heard any of the stuff I've talked about for the last 5 years. [/vent]
I had a great day. It wasn't anything special. It was the end of my 4 day weekend, and that's okay.
I woke up this morning and it was a little cloudy and only 78 degrees, so I went to the zoo. I drove there and it tried to sprinkle on me. I love the zoo and it wasn't a billion degrees while I was there. I had this ridiculous grin on my face as I wandered around. It was just that kind of a day and I can't explain it.
My Amigo is ill, and that's no good. I hope he starts to feel better. Really, I mean it. Get better with some immediacy.
ExHusband came by today to get some of his stuff and leave me the weed eater. Had a decent conversation. he's not all that excited about moving to Texas of all places, but whatever. His life. I tell him to his face that I taunt him about it. It's so weird to be over him. He was the primary focus for 10 years of my life... now passing acquaintances. It's kind of scary, but then again so is life.
Between people fleeing for tumblr and talk of people just deleting their accounts, I make this face -___- at you. I like you people, I don't like tumblr. Stop fleeing. It did make me curious, I have 53 pages on myO and 61 pages on this world. Come September 1, I'll be here 9 years. that's practically a third of my life. I still find this to be a friendly place.
I saw this on ichi's page. I had some time to kill.
1.With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
-The AC running and Lucy and Laz wrestling
2.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 25, and find line 6.
-“own until there was something out there worth exorcizing.”
3.What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
4.Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?
-Nope
5.What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema?
-Snow White and the Huntsman and The Avengers, same day double feature
6.How many rings before you answer the phone?
-depends on who is calling. never on the first though
7.When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
-Do cards count? I put letters in with some of the Christmas cards...
8.What's under your bed?
-nothing, my mattresses are direct to the floor
9.Tell me something about you that most people don't know.
-If I do that, then people will know... I refuse to wear the same color flip flops
10.What is on the walls of the room you are in?
-Shelves of DVDs and Games, my lovely analog wall clock
11.What is the last thing you watched on TV?
-TV TV Master Chef. I'm currently watching a movie called, "And Then She Found Me."
12.What monsters did you believe lived under the bed when you were little?
-I never bothered to worry about it. My dad
made sure I badass enough that they would be afraid of me.
13.What was the last text message you received?
-text "Is my phone being rude again m" IM ":<"
14.How many pillows do you sleep with?
-dos
15.What was the last thing you ate?
-blueberry pancakes
16.What is your favorite ice cream?
-Cookie Dough
17.What do you drink in the morning?
-COFFEE then dr pepper
18.What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
-pedicures
19.Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
-little? I wear some shirts from high school, not many though
20.What was the last book you read?
-I'm currently reading Dead Man's Boots, before that it was the hunger games books
21.What radio station did you last listen to?
-KMUW Public radio, or Pandora Regina Spektor radio
22.What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
-well, I scribble on paper all day at work, but other than that I was writing a poem the other night and fell asleep pen in hand
23.When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
-Last night to bring in the laundry from the line. I'll go outside and read later.
24.What were you doing at 12am last night?
-Talking to Way. I miss him
25.What are you wearing right now?
-a green and white sundress
26.What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
-aliens
27.Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?
-Definitely a window seat.
28.What food did you love as a child but do not eat now?
-bologna
29.When was the last time you faked being sick?
-last friday? nah, I did feel awful then. November maybe?
30.Do you know any other languages? Which ones?
- a minimal amount of spanish
31.What do you do when you cannot sleep?
-write, listen to music.
32.If you where to go "back to the basics" what would that mean?
-food and shelter and books. some good company would be excellent
33.What was the last vacation you went on?
-I go on retreat at the monastery every year at christmas... other than that, many years.
34.What is one thing you miss about being a child?
-Being carefree and not having much responsibilities
35.What makes you feel old?
-My nephew got his learners permit....
36.What is the longest you have slept at one time?
-18 hours, I was sick
37.What room in the house do you most like to spend time in?
-My livingroom
38.What children's TV Show is the hardest to watch?
-huh? I don't know. I think Doodlebops seems to be very bright....
39.What did you do during your childhood summers?
-Play outside, ride horses, help on the farm
40.When was the first time you saw the ocean?
-when I was 5. It scared me. It still does.
41.Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Why?
-sunsets, but when I think about it, I miss the farm. The city kind of obscures the view
42.When was the longest you had to hold your breath?
-Why the fuck would I know that? and no, I'm not going to time it now.
43.What subject do you wish you had paid more attention to in school?
-Math and History
44.Who taught you to ride a bike?
-My dad
45.Why were you given your name?
-Funny story. My name was supposed to be Morgan Marie, I think. I know Morgan anyway. When I was born, evidently I was wailing like a banshee. Just screaming and when they laid me on weigh table, I scooted off of it, like 3 times. My mother promptly changed her mind and named me after her sister, who is also called Molly but that is not her name.
46.If you could only eat one food, and nothing else, for three days in a row, what would it be?
-chips and salsa
47.What is your favorite board game?
-Scrabble and Trivial Pursuit
48.Are you more like your mother or your father?
-My mom
49.Do you chew on your pens and pencils?
-constantly
50.Think fast, what do you like right now?
-heeheehee Yes, that's a silly school girl giggle
51.What time did you wake up today?
-fucking 6:30
52.Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
-Yes
53.What red object is closest to you right now?
-3 pound hand weights
54.What is the funniest gift you have received?
-OH, the profanity flip book. It's awesome and I'm so mad Lucy ate it.
55.If you are feeling sad, what food or meal would cheer you up?
-Potato soup or grilled cheese and tomato soup
56.On scale of 1-10 how strict where your parents?
-well, and a little kid like 7 which led to them being able to be more of a 3 or 4 when I got older without them worrying too much. I kind of made them rethink that though.
57.What is your favorite day of the week?
-Saturday
58.What chore did you used to hate but now enjoy?
-Nope, still hate them
59.Who do you work or used to work with that you really respect?
-Helena. She's smart and dedicated and stands to her convictions. I admire that woman.
60.What was the first thing you learned to cook?
-burgers and mac or cheese out of the box. Is that cooking?
61.What cartoon did you watch growing up?
-all of them? GI Joe, Smurfs, Captain Planet, more and more and more
62.If you could be any age how old would you be?
-27, I think. not to return to that year, but be that age.
63.What musical interments do you wish you could play?
-I used to play piano and bass guitar. I haven't touched either since I was like 14. I should pick them up again. but I wish I could play drums
64. If you could be famous for doing anything, what would you want it to be?
-my intelligence and some brilliant discovery I made
65. What movie can you watch over and over again?
-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Josie and The PussyCats. Don't judge me. It's an awesomely subversive comedy.
66.Who was your favorite teacher in high school?
-Mr Gullick. He was my sophomore English teacher and my debate/forensics coach. He never let me shy away from my talents, and made me push my comfort zones in my writing and performing. He also talked to his students like people. He wasn't really a great teacher in general, but he seemed to think I was worth it.
67.Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
-No, I sleep with real ones.
68.Where is your family blood line from?
-Irish, Welsh, Danish, but mostly German
69.Do you tan or burn?
-I have to get 1 burn, then I'm good the rest of the summer
70.What is the most played song in your music library?
-"Samson" by Regina Spektor and "Cannonball" by Damien Rice.
71.What’s the last movie you saw?
-I'm watching Thor right now
72.What do you do most when you are bored?
-play with my pups, read and MOVIES
73.Where were you on Valentine's Day?
-Home, who the fuck cares.
74. Who is the most dependable person in your life?
-My Dad
75. Which one of your character flaws would you like to improve?
-underestimating my worth
76. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
-Bear. easily the bear. She can kill me in a single blow. I'm going to feel all those stings
77.What is your favorite curse word?
FUCK, though I do also love the word cunt. I use it less bacause even people who know me cringe when I use that one. I am all about creative cursing and stringing together curse words into a giant super curse. I also say, "Jesus Fuck" a lot.
78.Do you want to be buried or cremated after you are dead?
-Cremated.
79.What is the best food on a hot summer day?
-anything grilled, watermelon and corn on the cob
80.Do you sing in the shower?
-I sing everywhere
81. When was the last time you needed someone to talk to?
- constantly
82.What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
-Anthony Bourdain's tweets from the bar after DSCC
83.What is your favorite way to kill time?
-Day dreaming and plotting world domination
84.What animal makes you smile?
-My puppies.
85.Would you rather be rich or famous?
-neither matters to me, but rich, I suppose. I hate people too much to want them to know who I am
86.What disease frightens you?
-Dementia. the thought of eventually having the life I want and having it all taken from my, not even leaving me the memory of it. dismantled piece by piece
87.What hobby or activity that you not do now but think you might like when you retire?
-I'll never be able to retire, silly.
88.What three adjectives best describe you?
-ferocious, directionless, smart(assed)
89.Where are your ticklish spots?
-most of them
90.When was the last time you swam in a pool?
-Last summer
91.What do you miss about high school, if anything?
-the time and means to devote to theater and my singing lessons
92.Would you rather have a beautiful home in an ordinary suburb or an ordinary home in an extraordinary place?
-An ordinary home in an extraordinary place
93.What is your favorite thing about summer?
-I hate summer. I hate my allergies, I hate the hot... I like grilling
94.How do you handle rejection?
-carry on, bitches. I am an island
95.What is the most important meal of the day?
-I usually only have one. It comes at odd times, so I don't name it.
96.What do you think about the most?
-God's sadistic sense of humor
97.If you did not need the money what would you do for work?
-rancher or dog trainer or vet or pirate, explorer
98.What was the last thing you complained about?
-read my previous post. I think it qualifies as most things.
99.Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
-It's only 11:30, so no one yet today. Yesterday, Blair. Today probably no one physically, conversationally though Blair and Iz
100.What song typifies the last 24 hours of your life?
-I listened to "Hotel Song" by Regina Spektor like 6 times today. hookers and cocaine weren't paty of my day, but that song was.
I'm fairly certain that this is my worst year for allergies ever. I've never really "suffered" from allergies before. They've always been manageable and I would sneeze. This year, I'm double dosing on zyrtek and claritan and still sniffling, sneezing, and having watery eyes. It also fucks with my singing voice. It's stupid and I hate it. I'm leaking. It sucks. Iz laughed at my sneezes. I hate him, too. With lurve of course.
Sunfalle will be here next week. Just further proof that I'm cooler than the average bear. I'm trying to motivate myself to clean with the knowledge that she's coming. I hate housework sooooo much. I also hate paying bills. Why did I become a grown up?
Wow, I'm spewing hate in this post and I didn't mean to. I'm in a good mood, I'm just whiny about my leaky face. I'm actually feeling weird today. I kind of feel outside my life the last couple of days. It's not even like how people say they are watching their life pass them by. I just feel completely detached from the whole thing. I'm not even sure I am participating in it, or want to. I need to get grounded. I've been distracted by happy recently that seems deceptively attainable.
Anyway, I need to see about school, been procrastinating on that still.
I have a job interview on Tuesday. cross your fingers.
In an effort to avoid any and all responsibility and housework, I've been reading my old, OLD posts. My world started right in the middle of the meltdown of my marriage. Reading them isn't sad for me except that I used to be much more creative in my writing....
Example:
Sometimes I feel like I'm only real because someone told me I was. Kind of like that Velveteen Rabbit. I'm only real because 1 person loved me enough to tell me I so. Now that person grew up and left me to the reality they thrust upon me. I would rather have stayed a toy on the floor...
It's emo, but it's a deeper thought than I feel like I've had in ages.
