Well, here I am. People who know me love me whether they like it or not. It's a burden since I dislike most people. You can find My actual Life HERE. I have many fandoms, and many likes but I have yet to find passion in a past time. You are welcome as long as you behave.
I figure as long as STAN can live here, I can too. Here's round two.
Two posts in a week? WTF is wrong with me? Who Knows? Not Me, carry on.
Someone said to me that I put a lot of thought into my last post. He seemed incredulous when I told him it was a very concise and condensed version of a paper I wrote in college for a sociology class. He laughed that I chose that as my final essay topic and I got 20 pages out of it. That was 10 years ago, before or at the beginning of the zombie craze. It's on 3.5 inch floppy.... probably never see it again.
So, now for something completely different.
I have been feeling oddly nostalgic lately. It's dangerous and my one feeling is distracted by it. August 1, 1999 I moved into my beloved house in AC. I never thought that I would look back at K-Town voluntarily. I ran as fast as I could and looked back for prom and weddings and funerals. More Funerals than I would like to say.
I still don't really often feel like going back, but it's been almost 15 years. I am only barely in touch, mostly through Facebook, with the people I grew up with from there. I don't know if it's being divorced, being in my 30s, or my best friends having their first babies within months of each other, but I have been thinking about how I've missed some important events for people who were important to me and still should be.
I've mentioned before, I think, that it is one of the greatest shames of my life that it took me until college to realize hating someone for being popular or pretty or thin or preppy or rich is just as shallow and any of those people for hating me because I'm not those things. I was (am) smart and tough. I didn't to my high school reunions, for either school. One reason, in K-Town I told myself I didn't have anyone I needed to see. I spent my life convincing myself that I had been picked on. This is not a woe is me story, this is a story of perspective. It took an episode of 30Rock for me to realize that I probably made people feel as shitty as they made me feel. You know, the one where Lemon goes to her reunion and everyone calls her a bully.
I also didn't go to my reunions as I was in the midst of my separation and pending divorce and I had ballooned to my largest weight ever and I had (have) a job I felt (feel) is beneath me. I'm a credible, competent woman, but I still have no self esteem. Oh well, I'll live.
Anyway, back to my nostalgia. I have been craving contact with some of these random ghosts from my past recently. People who, whether they realize it or not, made a lasting impact on me. The speed and thoroughness with which I can remove and erase someone from my life has started to frighten even myself. I'm running out of bridges. K-Town, AC... one the foundation and one where I started refining the person I've become. I'm not really sure which one I would claim as my hometown. I suppose it's good no one has made a rule that I can't claim both.
Many People know I have a compulsive element to my personality. I fixate on things and can obsess from time to time. I've have a penguin obsession since I was 5. My family was at SeaWorld and I was being uncooperative. That is until they took me to the penguin house. Then I wouldn't leave. Random story, short version.
That's not what this post is about. This post is about another long time obsession I have had. I've had a fixation on zombie lore since I was a kid. When I say kid, I"m talking like 8 years old. It may sound strange, but I'm strange so it's okay. I feel like a hipster when it comes to zombies and that's some bullshit. With the rampant popularity of zombies in the 21st century, I often stop and wonder if while watching their mostly shitty movies or reading their often not shitty books, fans of this mythology know the roots from which it comes. I'm not talking about VooDoo zombies, I'm talking from a completely sociological standpoint. Have they read or seen the George Ramiro interviews where he talks about making "Night of the Living Dead" as a statement about racism, or "Land of the Dead" as a statement about income inequality and homelessness.
Zombies are the messangers, the metaphors. Watch either version of "Dawn of the Dead." The original being about the cohesiveness of a family unit, the second a case study in sociology and the melding of personalities and cultures. The mall is a microcosm of "The City." For a period of time, society runs smoothly but with no injection of innovation or immigration in or out, society grows restless.
Zombies symbolize a hive mind, there's no individuality. There's a single thought, to feed. Sure, zombies eat other people, but it is only a short jump to recognize them as rampant consumerism. I need more, I need more. I don't care if it destroys myself or others. They will be destroyed as I take them in. Similar arguments can be made for single-minded greed as well.
My favorite message from zombie movies is peoples' worst fear is people. Think about a zombie. Just a single zombie. Singularly a zombie is not frightening. it's a lumbering, slobbering, cadaver that gnaws on you. Their greatest assets are they seem to be quiet, they don't feel pain and, most of all, peoples' emotions. A decent headshot with a firearm or blunt object will finish it. It's the mob that becomes scary. A large mass of people all acting as one, without thought. Moving toward the mindless destruction of humanity. The hive devouring, literally in this case, the individual.
Zombies can be compared to such things as "The Borg" from Star Trek. Zombies are scarier though because they are us. We destroy each other. Of course there's a random catalyst, though at this point most movies don't even bother. That catalyst though, if provided, is usually of humanity's own making be it nuclear radiation induced mutation or viral.
So, next time you're watching some undead cannibals, think about if there's thought behind it. Also, It doesn't matter if I love you, lurve you, or barely know you, try and eat my brain and I'll not hesitate to out a bullet in yours.
It's midnight. I'll be honest, I've been drunk since 4 PM. It's been a good day.
Roomie had a fundraiser today. I don't know if I mentioned, but he's leaving for a month (July.) He is going to Lebanon to teach English to Palestinian Refugees. He'll be back in August. He might actually still be a few hundred short. Good luck to him.
Jordan showed up. I invited him, but I didn't think he'd come. I was at the the fund raiser and Jordan sent me a text asking the dress code. after advised, he arrived and I introduced him to my roomy and my neighbors(they showed up at my request too.) It was really nice. We had an excellent conversation. I amuses me that we both had been thinking this week that it's been a long fucking time since we've hung out. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who admits that we are weird in that out marriage ended amiably. We just stood around talking forever. the wine might have helped.
Then I went to the bar and drank (a lot) more. with Jordan and my brother and eventually my friend, Liz, and her fiance. and here I am, midnight and drunk at home.
It's been a funny day. As mentioned previously, my ex-husband showed up to something. (weird) I came home and called my dad, but got my mom. I talked to my mom for a while. She's alright and is not having a terrible time in Western Kansas.
the important thing about the conversation with my mother. I was told today that if I go back to school in the fall they would buy me a "reliable" car. I might remind you that the Dodge Intrepid that they were letting me drive was supposed to be the, "reliable" car.
I suppose at this point I need to expound... A week ago the car over-heated a little over a week ago. I checked and found the reservoir for the coolant empty. I put some coolant in it and didn't think so much again. I checked the coolant periodically and called my dad a couple of times to let him know what was going on. A few days after overheating AI took it to Steph's house and it was smoking. I checked the coolant, I ran it at full AC idling in my driveway and driving around and it didn't give me any warnings except the windshield wiper fluid was low. I had literally just filled the wiper fluid.
I'm not car stupid. I thought that I had a leak in the line somewhere, but washer fluid is not an important aspect of it working. even with that, I stopped driving it. I drove my car which is perfectly acceptable for in the city. Then came the weekend. My parents called and wanted me to come out. I told them I don't have a car to get me there. They told me to just drive the Dodge, it will be fine. I start driving the dodge and 8 miles from my house, it is overheated. I try to make it home (there's a small story to that too) but the car dies about 2-3 miles from home. *GROAN* It turns out that the thermostat might have been bad so I might have been driving hot for a long time. the lines were melty or melted and probably the engine is done, all with almost no warning to me, and I feel shitty about it.
anyway, decent weekend, but the car is scrappable and now I'm told that if I'm back in school in the fall my parents will buy me a "reliable" car. Who decideds what is reliable is yet to be determined.
Anyway, I was drunk. I went home and drank some more and then I went to the bar. I was waiting for Jordan and Victor (my brother) and I sat a a table. The woman at the table next to me introduced herself as bar people do. she liked my handshake and told me to apply for a job..............at her call center. JESUS FUCK I cannot get away from it. ;~;
Primary car seems to have a major coolant leak somewhere
Air Conditioner is not conditioning the air
Dear Universe, your thumb is heavy. I'm tired of being kept under it.
Alright, It's time for a change I think.
These are my heartbroken robots. it's a sketch that was done for me long ago by someone who means a great deal to me. I reversed the colors of course. I love it and it suits me.
I want to change it.
So my challenge/request goes out to you lovely people. Make me something. I give you no hints, I give you no direction. Make me something and see if I like it. Or scoff at me and let me be heartbroken.
