I'm an evil, heinous, horrible person. I accept this about myself. I feel the need to not be crazy anymore, so I sent jordan a novel of text messages. I'm gonna post them here. I finally let the truth take hold and just went balls to the wall, holding nothing back about my theories as to why he left and how horribly he has treated me. I think he stopped reading them after the first one. It was really mean, but I don't care.
ME--
It sucks that you can run all over the city and be fun, but for the last 4 years we were together, you wouldn't leave the house. I don't understand you.
Jordan--
Don't try and make me feel guilty about having friends.
Me--
I don't care that you have friends, I'm trying to make the point that you're hurtful and neglectful. I wanted to share those friends with you, remember? Maybe not these specific ones, but you never invite me, and rather than introduce to me to people or have fun with me along you completely shut down and became a hermit, and I wonder if its due p the fact that you were ashamed of me, or thought that I wasn't the right kind of person for your friends or just not cool enough for them. It seems You became a shut in because you wanted nothing to do with my life, and didn't want me involved in yours.
Jordan--
No response
Me--
That one of the reasons what has happened hurts so much for me. You are the same person! You are the one I love. And somehow, without knowing it, I stifle and kill you inside to the point that you can't be with me. But instead of telling me, you lived in misery for years, evidentally, until I became miserable too from not being able to stop you from being miserable. Then you leave, no explanation, still to this day, no attempt at reconciliation, no you're an anvil around my neck and you make me want to die. Just I'm sorry. I'll see you later, and then you leave me behind like an old coffeetable in the old house while you move to the new. You made me love you, and that is the most heinous, hateful thing that has ever been done to me. You probably stopped reading the messages after the mean one, and that's okay. I'm not yesterday's newspaper, I'm your wife. The person you invited to share your life and then you shut me out of it.
Jordan--
NO RESPONSE
Me--
I'm not sure why this is so important to me at this moment in my life. But I'm getting worse, and I can do nothing at this point but be honest. You're callous.
Jordan--
NO RESPONSE
He's probably too busy being out with said friends to read what turned into a barrage of info. I typed until it stopped me, sent and then typed some more. It probably was delivered as like 15 texts. At this point, I don't care if I'm seen as crazy, I guess. I've had enough
EDIT--- I straight up requested a response a few hours later. The response I got was my rant is justified but that doesn't mean he has to like it. He didn't ignore them like I feared and he doesn't know what to say. Awesome. The government can neither confirm or deny the existence of American spies in the world. FUCK
