the song "you could be happy" by snow patrol played on my pandora station a while ago. it annoys me how songs are so relatable. stupid empathy.
LYRICS
YOU COULD BE HAPPY
You could be happy
And I won't know
But you weren't happy
The day I watched you go
And all the things
That I wished I had not said
Are played on loops
Till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you
How we were
But not our last days of silence
Screaming, blur
Most of what I remember
Makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking
Out the door
You could be happy
I hope you are
You made me happier
Than I'd been by far
Somehow everything
I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment
It's all not true
Do the things
That you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back
Don't think, just do
More than anything
I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite
Out of the whole world
the part of the song that kills me is the sixth verse where is talks about smells like you. it's perfect, but the last 3 verses just twist my personal knife. i need to stop it. he left a year ago, and i limped along for a year. sure, it was hard and i had troubles, but as i asked before, WHY AM I SUDDENLY A BASKETCASE ABOUT IT? christ, what the fuck. i wonder why something in my psyche snapped and demanded that i must either try again or at least get answers to all the questions i have never had answered. what switch flipped and why did i go crazier, and why is it getting to the level of obsession all of the sudden. i am actually not at all happy about the ridiculous and suddenly brutal confrontation to jordan. true, i'm feeling better since i did it, but i'm not comfortable with the level of compulsion i am feeling. it's almost like it's out of my hands. which one of you is controlling my subliminally? come on, you can tell me. if its you, please subliminally tell me to calm the fuck down. thanks!
