Last night at dinner my older brother threatens to steal something off my plate. I, of course, threaten to stab him.

"That's the second time you've threatened to do that to me today."

"Fine. I'll stab you and set you on fire."

"Mom! Molly threatened to catch me on fire!" Mind you, the man is 36 years old...

My mother replies, "Catch you on fire could mean it's an accident, Dan. She threatened to set you on fire. There's a difference."

And now you know where I get my personality.