Two posts in a week? WTF is wrong with me? Who Knows? Not Me, carry on.
Someone said to me that I put a lot of thought into my last post. He seemed incredulous when I told him it was a very concise and condensed version of a paper I wrote in college for a sociology class. He laughed that I chose that as my final essay topic and I got 20 pages out of it. That was 10 years ago, before or at the beginning of the zombie craze. It's on 3.5 inch floppy.... probably never see it again.
So, now for something completely different.
I have been feeling oddly nostalgic lately. It's dangerous and my one feeling is distracted by it. August 1, 1999 I moved into my beloved house in AC. I never thought that I would look back at K-Town voluntarily. I ran as fast as I could and looked back for prom and weddings and funerals. More Funerals than I would like to say.
I still don't really often feel like going back, but it's been almost 15 years. I am only barely in touch, mostly through Facebook, with the people I grew up with from there. I don't know if it's being divorced, being in my 30s, or my best friends having their first babies within months of each other, but I have been thinking about how I've missed some important events for people who were important to me and still should be.
I've mentioned before, I think, that it is one of the greatest shames of my life that it took me until college to realize hating someone for being popular or pretty or thin or preppy or rich is just as shallow and any of those people for hating me because I'm not those things. I was (am) smart and tough. I didn't to my high school reunions, for either school. One reason, in K-Town I told myself I didn't have anyone I needed to see. I spent my life convincing myself that I had been picked on. This is not a woe is me story, this is a story of perspective. It took an episode of 30Rock for me to realize that I probably made people feel as shitty as they made me feel. You know, the one where Lemon goes to her reunion and everyone calls her a bully.
I also didn't go to my reunions as I was in the midst of my separation and pending divorce and I had ballooned to my largest weight ever and I had (have) a job I felt (feel) is beneath me. I'm a credible, competent woman, but I still have no self esteem. Oh well, I'll live.
Anyway, back to my nostalgia. I have been craving contact with some of these random ghosts from my past recently. People who, whether they realize it or not, made a lasting impact on me. The speed and thoroughness with which I can remove and erase someone from my life has started to frighten even myself. I'm running out of bridges. K-Town, AC... one the foundation and one where I started refining the person I've become. I'm not really sure which one I would claim as my hometown. I suppose it's good no one has made a rule that I can't claim both.
