I had a thought today. I descibed it as a worm eating my brain. Liz really wants to stay in Virginia. She is loving it. She says that I should transfer there with her. I am actually really thinking about it. I am either in the wrong state of mind and emotion to make that decision, or it's perfect timing. I have lived in the same house for 3 years now... That's totally strange for me.
I won't lie. Part of it is coming from a completely passive aggressive place. I was told by Jordan that, "we just want different things in life," while I was integrating him into all my thought processes and decisions. I kind of want to move just to see if he'd ask me to stay, or just leave and not tell him and see if he's even effected. Of course, how would I even know? That's just giving up, and that sucks. I don't really want to come to terms with this. I want to be outraged, and depressed. I just don't know what to do.
I'm about to dribble about random relationship crap now, so you can skip down a bit now it you want.
God, how can I want to talk to him everyday, and still try and convince myself I am ready to live without him forever. On which point am I fooling myself. Why can I not cry about it, and why am I barely sad. It's only been 2 weeks. Am I actually over it? Was I over it long ago and just in denial? Am I not over it at all and just avoiding the whole thing? When he's here, I just want to touch him and kiss him and interact with him. When he's not, i think about him, but I'm not sad, at least I am confused and restless. I'm mean and passive aggressive and I just want to know that he misses me and he's as confused as I am. How can I half want to share everything with soemone and half wantnothing else to do with them?
Done with dibble.
I am entirely TOO happy that it was only like 65 degrees today. SUPER AWESOME GREAT! Haha, I was on the phone today, and Helena (my supervisor) jokingly challenged me to tell some caller that whatever they called about was the Republicans' fault. I am so totally actually contemplating that.
God, George Bush is a terrible speaker...
Vote Schinstock 2008!
