This is a post of self-indulgent babbling.
In an effort to end the suffering of my false hope, Jordan told me this weekend that he is not coming back to me, and that our marriage is over. Very kind of him, eh? It actually is, but I am having a hard time accepting it as that. When he left a few weeks ago, he wasn't sure, or he told me he wasn't sure. He is sure now, and I want to curl into a ball and disappear.
I once again pleaded my case and begged him to reconsider his finalized stance. I told him that it's not fair that he is making all these decisions that effect the rest of our lives by himself, and that we haven't even tried to help or fix anything. He is so uneffected by it, too. He doesn't seem sad or upset or to even miss me. That makes me feel insignificant.
He says he loves me, and I cannot figure out why that is not a reason to try and fix it. He is very fatalistic about it. He just tells me that we now need and want different things and that we are not the same people that we were when we met and fell in love. He could stay, but nothing would change and we would end up hating each other. I can't make him stay, and I can't have him sacrifice something that may make him happy just to stay in a marriage that has been going bad for a while, but I can't just accept that the man I want to spend my life with can just give up on that without trying to fix it. People change, yes, but when you've pledged to spend your life with someone you should help each other grow and nuture each other's change. Growing together is an important aspect of marriage. If people stayed the same as they were when they were 20, then life might be terrible.
I am a fool, and I thought that letting him move out might help. It was unrealistic. If you love something, let it go, right? Whatever. I am hurt and confused and I feel abandoned and rejected. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm just supposed to accept and move or, or if I should fight for what I want. Even the most levelheaded of girls visits crazytown at times like these. I am unprepared to accept or cope with this.
