I wish you could have stay unemployed, jerk. I miss you.
Blair took me to the flea market today. It was an adventure that was cut short by my stomach rebeling against the Carlos O'Kelly's we had for lunch. Brother Victor called today, just for giggles, I guess. It was nice to talk to him, and he had some whacky stories.
Sometimes I feel like I do things just to prolong the bad. I couldn't help it, I was looking through our wedding album tonight. I don't know if I was compelled, or if I decided to do it so I could keep on being sad. I do shit like that. For some reason, my life is incomplete unless I'm oppressed by some emotion. I feel like an attention monger, and I feel like eventually everyone I know is going to just yell, "SHUT UP!" at me in unison.
Oh well, I shall continue to be whiny and bitter until I drive away everyone who cares about me, then I can have something to be whiny and bitter about.
I had my cable turned off... I miss it a little... It was a distraction.
I'm so tired. I sleep, but I'm still tired. My body has also decided that it wants me to be a morning person. I keep waking up at like 730 am. BOO!
I made some copies of pictures that I want to send to Jordan. They are wedding pictures. I kind of want him to know he's not allowed to forget me... I have decided not to send them because 1) I'm not stupid, and 2)I haven't given him a chance to miss me. That's a wird thing to say. I talk to him quite a bit, and I'm at his beck and call (cause I'm a little stupid). I need to just leave him alone for a while, completely. No calls, no texts, no talking. It's going to backfire, but I have to try it. I have to do it for me, to show myself that I can be without him and to let him realise he can't live without me (probably not, but a girl can hope, right?)
I wonder if I'm ever on his mind, or if he realises he's never not on mine. I wonder if he lurks here and reads this. If he were to do that, I would be shocked, but also I can't imagine that reading parts of my broken soul would get no response from him. He is sensitive and caring. I also wonder, I once gae him a framed picture of me as a gift. He had it up in his last house, and he didnt leave it here. I wonder if it's up somewhere in his house, or just there, put away.
I'm so tired. I must bed down...
