I am chilling watchin' High Fidelity. I'm kinda into movies that have a split up and a reconcile at the end. I'm still pretty stuck on Eternal Sunshine...
Oh My God, I'm Charlie Nicholson.... I'm shallow and I think I'm not and I never shut up. I'm terrible, and my friends kind of are too... Not really, but forgive me a little self loathing today.
I'm back to crying. I cant help it. Thank you for your comment, John. Jordan and I still talk and we are friendly, and it's hard as fucking shit. I don't want to have him not be part of my life, I'm just a bit picky about what part he plays in it. I'm so uncomfortable, even at thing I do normally. I just feel so out of sorts and off kilter. I feel like I'm holding my breath all the time.
I was talking about it with a friend tonight, and like I told her, "I can easily live without him, but I don't want to. I'm a responsible, smart, independent person. I just want him to share my life with me."
I got a new battery for my lappy today. Hopefully I can get a good length out of it. My original battery did not live long enough!
"Only people of a certain disposition are afraid of being left alone for the rest of their lives at 26. We were of that disposition." I love this movie.
I wonder, selfishly, if he thinks of me. I hope, but do not think, he does. I want to consume all his thoughts like he does mine! I want him to miss me, and I want him to come home.... How sick is it that if he showed up tomorrow, I would let him in and not look back.
I'm so sick of thinking and talking aobut it, but it's all I think about, all the time. Even when I'm distracted or working or hanging out... I just think about this situation, trying to figure out what to do, or how to feel or just what went wrong...
In the jukebox o her memory, a list of names slips by and stops...
