It's been a million years since I have been online. Sorry. In the time I've been gone, election day has come and gone, my personal situation has calmed and flared and calmed and I am still confused, my puppy has been diagnosed with Arthritis and Tedonitis in his hind legs and work is work. I also watched Ergo Proxy and Elfen Lied, both of which I really, really liked. Tidy little sum up there, eh?
My sister came to visit for a bit, and that was fun. She was in town for a college thing and stayed for an extra day and a half. I like her, she gets a thumbs up.
In all reality, I am having more bad days then good lately. I'm irritable and tired and when I'm not those, I'm sad. I have limited amounts of hapy time, and it's taking it's toll at work where I get frustrated with and mean to my coworkers way too easily...not to mention customers. Pete, call in and get me and pretend to have acct problems so I can just talk to you all day.
I guess I already email you all day. I can't expect you to save me more than that... heheh
There's good stuff too, I'm sure. I tend to focus on the negative. For like 5 years running my New Years resolution has been to focus on the positive more. I haven't quite gotten the hang of it yet. I try, but it's been a little overwhelming and I'm tired a lot from trying to hide my anger and depression from those around me. It took a couple of months, but it actually has gotten to that point, and I am thinking of the antidepressant meds when I see my doctor the first week of December. I really just want the easy way out this time, and I'm not going to fight anyone on medicating me this time. I used to hate it, not I just want it. Have I given up? or am I just realizing that I may need help on this one?
I love you all, and gratefully accept your thoughts and even prayers to the diety of your choice. I don't want pity or worry though. That's not why this is here. I vent and put all the bad stuff here, not for pitty or attention, but because this is my safe harbour. My family and friends don't know about this page, and I can be much more expressive since they don't.
Jordan was over last night cause I tree in front of my house lost some large branches in a windstorm a few days back, and I invited him to watch HellBoy 2, cause I really like it. He stayed and watched it, but he had a headache. He was going to go home,but I had hidden his hat. he was kind of pissed and held my phone hostage until I gave it back. I was just playing around, and I didn't mean to piss him off, so I was really relieved this morning to get a text from him asking whether to get the Outlaw Star box set or the SoltyRei. I find it annoying that I can't skip the SoltyRei preview on one of my Beck discs, so I said Outlaw Star.
He invited me over and he made lunch and watched some Outlaw Star. It was unexpected and nice. Sadly completely plutonic. There is a new number that he has started texting in the last few days, and there is a lot of texting. Do not give me realism about one or both of us moving on. I don't want realism, I just want to vent about it.
Why did he send me a text last saturday night/sunday morning at 3 am? All it said was, "I'm so tired and lonely." How is that fair? He apologized the next day. He was really drunk, and said while it's true, he has no right to burden me with that. He's right, but I'm glad he did it. I'm worried about him, and I want to know how he is, he's still very important to me. It just may lead to false hope, and that's not the mindset I need to have.
