Chapter 2: Persistent
“Haru…” I said again dumbly. The whole world seemed mute and dull to me. Nothing was as real as the feeling of Haru’s arms around me, holding me to his chest, his nose stuffed in my hair. I wanted nothing more than to just stand there, just like this, for the rest of my life. But then a little voice in my head interrupted my bliss, shattering it to pieces.
What if Akito is here? What if he sees you? He found out the first time, remember? It whispered in my ear, mocking me. Do you want to face him again? What if he thinks Haru is to blame?
Suddenly my panic flared up, and the fire returned to my eyes. I shoved Haru away from me, glaring at him. “What are you doing here? Didn’t I tell you that I didn’t need you anymore? This is supposed to be my peaceful vacation. Did Hatori send you? Dammit, can’t anybody just leave me alone?!”
Haru watched me with a calm, blank expression, his amusement given away only by the twinkle in his eyes. He could see right through my tough act. He had felt me melt into him when he had hugged me. And now he knew he had a chance. “No, Rin, Hatori didn’t send me. He doesn’t even know I’m here. I came with Yuki. He’s been kind of stressed lately, and I was worried about him. I decided that he needed a vacation. He just went to take a dip in the hot springs.”
“Lucky for Rat Boy. So, Hatori doesn’t know, but does Gure-nii? Did he set this up purposefully?”
“Yeah, Senpai knows. But he didn’t set it up. I don’t think he knows you’re here, but it’s impossible to tell with Senpai. This is just a wonderful coincidence.” He grinned, evidently pleased with the way things were turning out. After everything that had happened, I didn’t know how he managed to act so carefree.
“Maybe for you,” I grumbled. I could feel my cheeks reddening, betraying me. The last person I needed to see now was Haru. If Akito saw us, he was going to get the wrong idea, and there would be consequences. I couldn’t go through that again.
“So,” Haru said conversationally, keeping his voice light, “how’s everything been going for you?”
Terrible. I’m lonely. “Huh. Fine. Much better now that I don’t have to deal with you. Hint, hint.” I lashed back.
Haru’s calm expression didn’t change, but I could see a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He leaned against the door frame, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Really? Well, I wish I could say the same. I’ve missed having you with me, Rin.”
Me, too. “Sucks for you,” I snarled, my pain threatening to overwhelm me. Why was he doing this to me? Did he expect me to just come rushing back into his arms, willing to forget everything that I had been through because of him? Everything I had been through for him? It’s not like I had left him because I had wanted to. I loved Haru.
“So,” he said again, “How long are you staying?”
Not long enough, I thought. “Too long,” I sighed instead. My anger had faded as quickly as it had come, and all I wanted to do know was hole up in my room. I stared at my feet, refusing to meet Haru’s eyes. More than anything, I wish this had never happened. I wished that I didn’t have to hurt him the way I was. I wish I didn’t have to hurt myself.
“Haru,” I said more quietly, “I’m sorry. I really am. We just aren’t going to be together, so don’t keep trying. It’s not gonna do any good, because it’s never gonna change.”
A shadow flitted across Haru’s face. He opened his mouth to say something, but he never got the chance. The okami came down the hallway as fast as she could manage, a look of panic on her face, her hair sticking out in every direction. “WHAT HAPPENED?” she screamed as she ran up to us. Us. “ALL OF A SUDDEN, I HEARD LOTS OF WEIRD MUSIC, AND THEN THERE WERE ALL THESE BANGS, AND I’M SO SORRY!!! IT MUST HAVE BEEN SUCH A DISTURBANCE TO YOU, AND I’M SORRY! I’M SUCH A BAD OKAMI, AND I’VE MADE YOU WISH YOU HAD NEVER COME, AND IT’S ALL MY FAULT! I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY, I’M SOOOOORRY!!!!!!!”
“We were fine until you showed up,” I muttered under my breath. Haru must have heard me, because he shot a glance in my direction, warning me that I was better off keeping my mouth shut unless I wanted to get her started again. He turned away from me then, and he gave the okami a warm smile. “We’re fine, okami-san,” he told her. “I’m sorry if we disturbed you. I was the one playing the music, and the bangs that you heard were just the rice screens slamming open and shut. There is nothing for you to worry about. It was our fault, and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
I slipped away quietly, glad for the distraction. I needed to get away from Haru. My resistance was cracking, and he knew it. We were meant to be together. We were perfect for each other. But while the curse still loomed over our heads, and Akito’s blood called out to the ancient spirits within us, we could never be. It would only end in disaster. I could only pray that someday Haru would understand that.
My vision became blurry, and I started to run from Haru and the okami, fighting the tears I knew were coming. This night, that song, seeing Haru… it was all too much for me. Memories sprang up unbidden in my mind; me and Haru, walking past each other at the New Year’s Banquet, pretending we weren’t together even as the air sparked with electricity between us; Haru kissing me for the first time; me flying out the window, more surprised than scared as the ground rushed up to meet me; the pain in Haru’s face as I broke up with him, told him I didn’t need him, told him he didn’t matter to me anymore…I choked back a sob. I wanted nothing more than for the curse to be broken, to give us all a chance to live our own lives. Even Kyo, who wasn’t even a part of the zodiac, would ever be free of the curse unless I managed the impossible. It was all hopeless.
I burst into my room, sobbing. I threw myself on the bed and stuffed my face into a pillow. I didn’t want this life. For me, or for anyone. All I wanted was to be able to live a regular life on the “outside”, not worrying that I would bump into a boy and randomly turn into a frickin’ horse in the middle of class, not worrying I would get beat up by Akito the next time I walked “inside” the Sohma estate, not worrying that the next time I left the “inside” would be my last. All those teenagers on the outside spent their time complaining about their homework and how annoying their parents were…at least they had parents that cared about them. They were so lucky to have the lives they had, and they were wasting it.
I don’t know how long I lay sobbing on my bed, but the next thing I remember was hearing someone come into my room and sit down on the bed next to me, wrapping his arms around me. I sank into Haru and cried until I at last fell asleep, still encircled by his warmth.
