Chapter 3: Always
I woke up and sat up groggily, rubbing my eyes and squinting in the bright light. Even though I had had a long, peaceful sleep, I was still tired. My whole body ached. Yesterday had been such a long day. And then last night had been even longer…
Wait…what happened last night?
I sat on my bed, my hand still raised to my face, drawing a total blank on the night before. I remembered coming to the onsen, seeing Haru, and running back to my room sobbing. After that, everything was black.
Until I looked up to see Haru walking out of my bathroom, his jeans slightly damp, not wearing a shirt.
I threw myself back down onto the bed, covering my face with a pillow. Why do I even bother? I asked myself desperately. Apparently I can’t get away from him. Not that I really want to…
After a little while, I pulled myself together and got up off of my bed, and headed towards the bathroom, careful to keep my expression blank, not even looking at Haru. He watched me carefully, waiting patiently for my reaction to his presence in my room. He didn’t get one, and he didn’t offer up an explanation. I closed the door of the bathroom and locked it behind me.
If Haru wanted a reaction from me, he was going to have to wait.
I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection without really seeing it. I had no idea what to do about Haru. Of course, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to scream, scream to the world that I loved him. That I always had. That I always would. I wanted to write it all over the stark white walls of this bathroom.
Stark white walls. Just as empty as they had been that day at the hospital. Just as empty as I had felt that first day without Haru. That horrible day when I had torn my heart to pieces, shoving Haru away from me forever, protecting him from Akito and sacrificing myself at the same time.
Suddenly the walls closed in on me, suffocating me. The blank walls, bare of any traces of Haru and me, leaving only the bitterness. The pain was threatening to blind me now. This wasn’t natural, this empty pain. Haru was supposed to be here, saving me from the pain, the bitterness, the emptiness.
So why wasn’t he?
I couldn’t take it anymore. There was so much emptiness, pushing me further and further down, erasing me, making me nothing more than a memory to him, leaving his memory a black slate, as if I had never been a part of his life.
I panicked.
Before I could even think about what I was doing, I had unlocked the door and I was sprinting from the room, sprinting anywhere but here. I caught a glimpse of Haru as I flashed by, his face distorted with fear, the worry in his sharp gray eyes piercing through me. I tried not to think about it, pushing myself further, faster. I had to get away. I had to do something.
“Rin!” Haru yelled, his voice cracking. I heard his footsteps pounding behind me as he tried to catch up. “Rin!” he yelled again. “Please don’t go, Rin. Please! Not again. What am I supposed to do without you?”
*****
Hatori got into his car and pulled away from the onsen, frowning. He had not been able to find Isuzu anywhere, no matter where he looked. He drove through the open country back towards the Sohma estate where he knew Akito would be waiting anxiously for his return, not knowing where his faithful doctor had gone. Hatori’s brow creased as he struggled to figure out where Isuzu had vanished to. Where else did she have left to go?
Suddenly Hatori snapped back to reality as he beheld an extraordinary sight. A black mare lay collapsed in the grassy field that stretched away from the right side of the car, eyes closed, mane and tail streaming out around her. Over her a huge black and white cow stood protectively, its sharp gray eyes fixing Hatori with a determined stare. For a moment, neither the cow nor Hatori moved, gazing into each other’s eyes fixedly. Then Hatori nodded to the cow and smiled, revving the engine of his car and zooming towards the Sohma estate.
The cow watched him go, never leaving his position over the black mare, always vigilant, always watching.
