When I thought that this Tuesday was actually good, it terribly sucked ass at the last half an hour before midnight. Therefore, this making my Tuesday suck. Hah, there can never be a good Tuesday for me can it? Hm, I guess I'm not extremely pissed.. but I am pissed at myself & one other person. I'm pissed at myself for being irritating when I shouldn't be, demanding when I have no right to, & being a bitch. I wasn't able to understand the other person's feelings, only because he's the type to show very few true emotions. I'm pissed at him for being an asshole and always making me feel like shit. It's not just this one time, but it's been throughout our whole friendship. There would be these few phenomenons where he would be extremely kind and generous. Then, hah, gone. I cherish those moments. But when he starts to aggravate me, it's because he's cocky. Always makes himself right and that makes me feel like I did something wrong, which is completely false. I wish I can understand him more. I don't blame him for anything, just pissed that he chooses to be ignorant. I don't think I can ever not forgive him. I guess he's one of those people I definitely want in my life. I'm actually willing to take shit from him, simply cuz I think it'll be worth it. So even if we don't end up as friends anymore, I'd still think of him as one and remember the good times, hah & try to forget the bad ones although it's most likely not possible.
This all started when he apologized but I knew he didn't mean it. Then it went onto one word texts, which I really hate. So, all his texts seemed sarcastic and were not sincere. But I didn't know he was actually getting yelled at for staying up late, & that's cuz I asked him to talk to me. I only found this out in his rant, in which I think we can all conclude he hates meh. He wrote that rant after most of the argument, making mine redundant. But he didn't tell me that he was actually doing chores to stay up late. I have a major guilty conscience. Maybe he actually meant his apology.. not the first time though, the second. I feel bad now. I always feel paranoid when he's pissed, like it's cuz of me. I should pull myself away from him, before I start to need him in my life. As a friend though, nothing more. I hope nobody starts thinkin' things they shouldn't. ^_^'||| Hm, good life experiences. I'll remember this, but it's so hard for me to change the way I act. I want to change myself so bad. This has been a goal of my life so far. It's not because of this situation/argument but I've grown up always having this problem where everyone is irritated by me really easily and I always end up being ostracized. I'm always the odd one out. I'm just extremely jolly a lot of the times & I am probably someone who is traumatized by just this one childhood experience. Not gonna go into details but it's just family arguments. This probably changed me somehow.
Overall, I know that there are some things I do which are very wrong. My personality & the way I act, being the biggest reason of all my regrets. I really shouldn't blame my blood type but I will just cuz I have nothing else to blame. I'm rebellious cuz of my blood type. I always have to speak my mind, no matter how unreasonable it is. AB people are weird aren't they? xD Special for being the rare type. Hah, I know all of you guys see the happy side of me. I guess this is the absolute first time I have actually ranted like this. I think that we are actually a great pair of buddies when awkwardness and anger doesn't rise. But even if I said I was willing to take his shit, I'm not taking it silently. ^_^ I will still give my reasons in an argument. Basically, the point of all this was, I hope we can still be friends.. eh, is that possible?
Asians & my weakness for them. Jeez...
