Ah, February... Spring is coming but my spirits are down

Y’know… it was only 3° Celsius (or 37.4° Fahrenheit) and I almost boiled in my woolen jacket. A rather thin woolen jacket. This gives me hope that maybe, maybespring is coming after all. I hate winter and I hate snow. Not to mention cold.

So what’s up? Nothing much, except that my work load shows no signs of disappearing anytime soon. University is nice like that. And I ought to be applying for a summer job (because there is no way my parents will let their very much adult daughter spend her summer just lounging around and doing absolutely nothing. Not that I would. I would be bored out of my wits). I have already sent one application to one place and will send another one sometime soon, while trying desperately to figure out where else I should be applying. I would actually like a job in a fast food place. But cleaning? No way.

And I applied for an exchange year (well, semester). If everything goes well, I’ll be spending next autumn semester either in Germany, the Netherlands or Czech Republic. Eh, we’ll see. I should be hearing from the people in the international office sometime during this month.

Also… something not-so-cheery. I’m not entirely sure if I want to go around telling this, but… I can’t keep this in my chest for much longer, so I might as well share it with you guys.

A few weeks ago my mother told my brother and I that she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I don’t know how long she has known, but I imagine it hasn’t been that long. The thing is… I never imagined she would fall ill like that. Not her. I have an aunt (from my father’s side) who has had breast cancer, but that my own mother would be given the same diagnosis? The thought never even crossed my mind. Yesterday, she told me that they’ll be starting chemo soon, possibly even next week, with a surgery following later in spring.

I’m worried. I try not– she told me not to – but I can’t help it. I’m the type to worry about basically everything, big or small. As I write this, I’m fighting against tears because I don’t want her to hear me crying. My parents called my for a second time yesterday evening (we usually speak once a day when I’m away) because my father was worried I might be worrying here on my own. He might have heard something in my voice when we spoke earlier that day (I was holding back tears then as well), or he might just be aware of my tendency to worry. Perhaps both.

Eh, so this is what is going on with me right now. I’m not looking forward to the inevitable phone calls from concerned relatives, or meeting with them, for that matter, especially not my grandmother. I know that when she finds out, she’ll be talking about it endlessly. She means well, but I’m not in a mood to tolerate her questions.

Time sure flies...

I just realized it's November. November. One of my least favourite months.

Anyway, last week was... well, pretty hectic for me. And why? Because I had one 8-page lecture journal (one page per lecture), a 1,000 word essay and a 3-page poetry analysis to finish. Not that much, all things considered. But the thing is, I had to write all of them at the same time. And why? Because I'm such a lazy person that I can't do anything until at the last moment. I had two months to write that stupid lecture journal. Two months! And I just kept pushing and pushing it, because "there was still time" and "I have other things to do".

I'm stupid. Really stupid. Can't wait for the time when I have to write my Bachelor's thesis, or, the horror, Master's thesis.

Oh, well. At least there done. For now. I distinctly remember something about having to write another 1,000 word essay, a prose analysis and a 6-page analytical paper.

No, wait, was it two analytical papers? And something about a lecture journal?

In My Dreams

'In My Dreams' is a poem I came up with one evening at work. What makes it so unusual is that I don't usually do poetry - I'm more into prose. This is why 'In My Dreams' lacks any and all form and may be recognized as a poem only because I say it is one.

The poem is dedicated at the memory of my grandmother who passed away at the beginning of August.

In My Dreams

They say you can't see an angel.

I'd most politely disagree.

Because I know you're an angel

and... I still see you.

Every night.

In my dreams.

Grandma Riitta 27.7.1941-3.8.2010. Love you always.

A Step

A step after a step after a step after a step

I take

I watch, I wait

For time when I will not hide in the shadows

I watch, I wait

For time when I step away from the wall

To the center

Slowly I walk

Away from the wall

Away from whom I used to be

Away from my insecurities

A step after a step after a step after a step

I take

An introduction

I actually wrote something! I’m so proud…

Anyway, welcome to my humble little world which serves as an insight to my mind as well as, should I ever get there, a lair to my literary works. I am IwaseYaeko, or Yaeko for short. My real name is Emmi, and I’m a twenty-year-old university student from Western Finland. I major in English and minor in Intercultural Communication Studies.

So what can I tell you about myself? I can’t draw to save my life, and I greatly admire those who can. Really, be proud of the gift you’re given! I’m more a literary person, although I seem to find it much more interesting to plan writing than actually write… I’ve got several literary endeavors (hereby referred to as my ‘projects’) underway. Most of them are fanfiction, but I’ve also got one original fiction in planning. We’ll have to see if anything ever comes out of it.

My number one anime and manga favorite at the moment is Bleach. I got hooked to it this summer when raiding my younger brother’s bookshelf and coming across his collection of manga. My other favorites include Princess Princess by Mikiyo Tsuda and Ghost! by Shuri Shiozu. As for my other favorites, I like

Books:
Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan (can’t wait for the Heroes of Olympus to come out in October)

Movies:
Sherlock Holmes
Iron Man
Iron Man 2 (I love Robert Downey, Jr.!)
Alice in Wonderland

TV shows:
Heroes
House
CSI: Miami

Music:
Linkin Park
Pendulum
Nightwish
Apocalyptica
Poets of the Fall
Amorphis
Sonata Arctica

…And many others that I can’t remember at the moment.

Well, I think that’s it for the introductory post. Until next time then!

- Yaeko