Haru 93: This is the fourth fan fiction in the ‘Golden Chamber’ series by me and Gildas Magnus, and my bits are in Italics again, while Gildas’s are underlined. Yay for continuity!
Gildas_Magnus: Remember, as of GC3, Gildas’ story is finished. His role in life has been played… and so we move on, to the story of Golden Chamber Four…

Freya looked up at the grey sky and swept her fringe out of her face, shaking off beads of rain as she did so. Since learning of Zidane’s death, she had returned to the only place she knew, the only place that ever felt like home – Burmecia. She had thought that this would make his passing easier on her, but in fact, it had simply made the ache in her heart grow yet more painful. Freya longed to hear his laughing voice again, so that she could melt into the sunlight of his smile. But he was gone. She fell to her knees despairingly.

Since Sir Fratley had left her, she had found no purpose in life…she had wandered aimlessly from town to town, before stumbling on a lively thief who was young and more than sure of himself. Zidane. She whispered his name to herself, ignoring the water soaking through the knees of her red dragon knight’s coat. And then she had found Fratley again, and to find out that he had no recollection of the very memories that she had cherished…To be forgotten, she realised, was worse than death. The only comfort was to feel Zidane’s arms wrapped tightly around her as she sobbed uncontrollably into his warm embrace. That was the first time she had ever cried. Now, as sparkling tears ran down her face like diamonds, this was the second.

A sudden surge of strength forced Freya to stand up again. It was so unlike her to wallow in her thoughts and do nothing but pity herself. She wandered over to the edge of the bridge she stood on, alone, and stared down into the foaming, merciless waters. Freya had always been strong and independent, but since she met Zidane her heart had been thrown open for the elements to ravage. Steeling herself, she knew she must once again take matters into her own hands, and bent her knees accordingly. One swift leap into the hurricane and she would soon be safe in the eye of the storm.

And then Freya was flying through the air, letting the breeze play over her face. Her hat was almost ripped away, but she clung on fast. She refused to change. When she was fully submerged in the unforgiving waters, all she could think about was how warm the water seemed. It gave her a dull ache rather than a sudden shock – much like the pain in her heart. She closed her vivid, green eyes, and let a few bubbles of air escape her in a silent scream. The inky blackness swallowed her as her extremities became numb, unfeeling, and prayed in her heart that she would soon be with the one she loved.

I didn’t really know what was happening. All I knew was that I was being pushed from every side, following the crowds without a purpose, without a goal. Through the streets of Twilight Town, they swept me along to the riverside, and I was bustled to the front, unsure of myself and depressed with the news of Zidane’s untimely passing. Blank was gone, too, and everyone was going away. Garnet had died too, apparently, and the Chocobo population was going down. Everything was so sad… why was everything that mattered to me disappearing from my life, and now I was being pushed to the banks of the River Shanks. A figure lay washed up on the shore. I’d seen her outfit before, I was sure of it. Then a tail flicked. The figure was alive! I’ve seen that tail before too… No! It couldn’t be! I ran over, shaking her awake. “Freya! Freya, please wake up!”

The doves cooed happily as I scattered bread over the roof. I watched as they flew around each other playfully, soaring through the clear, blue sky, and wished I could join them. I wanted to stretch my wings out and flutter away, over the sky. The air was fresh and cool, and I could smell newly mown grass, knowing that spring had arrived. Peering over the edge, I saw the castle’s gardeners hard at work, planting new buds that would soon begin to struggle against the earth to break into the sunlight. I felt just like one of those new buds, fighting against everything around me just for a snatch of light. I was slowly suffocating here.

Riku and I had been crowned. I was queen of Lindblum…it sounded so stupid to me. I had never been anyone important, and now I had had this royal title thrust upon me, along with millions of citizens to protect and lead. Whatever made Gildas choose me?

That had done it. I had let Gildas slip into my head again. Since his funeral, I had felt cold and numb, and had just blocked him out of my thoughts. It seemed like the only way to deal with his…passing. It used to be that whenever I thought about him, I would have to fight tears back. But my method was working; now it just felt like someone had thrown a bucket of water over my head. My knees went weakly and my legs shook, and I felt light-headed. I wasn’t sure how much of that was from me staring over the edge of the castle roof, so I sat on the floor, my back leaning against the wall.

Freya looked up at me, tears (or possibly just water) in her eyes. She simply blinked her eyes rapidly to usher the water away, and stood up, brushing her jacket down. “What are you doing here?” I blinked. “I live here. What about you?” She simply shook her head; she didn’t want to talk about it. “Where are we, again?” I adjusted my hat slightly. “We’re at the River Shanks, on the edge of Twilight Town. I’m really glad you came, Freya. I need to visit a friend of mine, but I don’t think I could deal with the monsters outside the Town.” Freya simply nodded, blinking back more tears. “I’ll help you. Where are we headed, anyways?”

After stopping off at the local Synthesis Shop to make myself a new hat, and Freya and I left Twilight Town. Thankfully, Balamb Garden wasn’t too far away, and the road through the fields was straight and simple, with guards posted every few hundred meters. We received very few monster attacks, and the ones we did Freya defeated in seconds. I was so glad she’d come with me, though she hadn’t spoken of how she came to be in the river. She’d tell me when she was ready.

As we reached the gates of Balamb Garden, I saw lots of students studying; maybe an exam was coming up soon. We entered the building, and I saw Quistis walking ahead with a boy with brown hair. “Just hurry up. You’ll never get through counselling if you can’t be on time. Dr. Kadawaki will be waiting in the Infirmary. Would you like me to come in with you?” The boy just nodded. She led him into a white-looking corridor. “There she is! Come on, Freya, let’s follow her.”

After a while of hunching against the stone wall, I could feel my bum growing steadily number, and so stood up, scanning the horizon. You could look out from this point and still not see the edge of Lindblum. And I had to rule it all – with Riku, obviously. I sighed deeply with my whole body, feeling my shoulders sag and my face fall. Footsteps from the roof door startled me, and I span round as the doves scattered in a flurry of white feathers. I stood up straight, shoulders back, just as I had had to practise all the time, but when I saw Zexion’s silver hair, I flopped down again, scuffing my shoe on the floor.

“You have a meeting in thirty minutes, your majesty. Riku told me you’d be up here. The Mayor of Twilight Town is most eager to discuss-” I held up one finger to silence him, and gazed into the sky again. “Have you ever wanted to just fly away?” I whispered. Zexion’s brow furrowed. “Excuse me? Your majesty, I would strongly advise that-” I shook my head, and he fell silent. “I want to fly. I want to unfold these great, feathery wings, and trust them completely as I just…fall. And then I catch myself…and I’m flying, soaring, gliding through the air effortlessly.” I smiled gently and walked past Zexion. “I won’t miss the meeting, Zexion. I can do some things myself, you know.” Looking back, I wasn’t sure how he took my words; as a mild rebuke at him? Or as an insult to myself, as I had intended it?

As we entered the Infirmary, a lady in a white doctor’s jacket walked around, looking at the boy with piercing eyes. “You saw her… kill him?” The boy nodded slightly. “She just, used magic, and killed him?” He nodded again. “Can you describe this girl to me, Lionhart?” The boy looked up at her. She had a rod, and was wearing Mage’s robes…” I jumped. “That’s Haru!” Quistis turned her head sharply. “Oh! You’ve arrived! When did you get here?” I shook my head. “There’s no time! If Haru’s killed someone… we need to get to her!” Quistis nodded gently. “She’s Queen of Lindblum now, that’s the best place to go.” I nodded to Freya. “Hold up. Squall should go with you. He needs to see the world again.” Quistis looked concerned, but sure of herself. “I’ll come too. I need to ask Haru a few questions of my own.”

The meeting with Twilight Town’s Mayor passed in a boring blur. I doodled on the corner of a page with my pen the whole time, ignoring the filthy glares from Zexion and the concerned gazes from Riku. Once everyone had left but Artania, Riku, Zexion and I, Zexion laid into me. “Beg your pardon, your majesty, but that was totally unprofessional! You should have been paying attention, taking notes, getting involved – doing something!” he cried. I stared up at him from my seat carelessly, and raised my eyebrows. “Oh, forget it!” he spluttered, “I might as well be lecturing a brick flipping wall!” With that, he stormed out, dragging Artania behind him.

Riku and I sat in silence. He took my hand and opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him early. “Please, don’t. Just don’t…I know I messed up, but…I dunno. Today’s just a bad day for some reason.” Riku nodded. “Okay, but-” I didn’t listen, just stood up and walked out slowly, leaving Riku seated, his mouth dangling open.

I needed to find peace, solitude. I went to the bedroom Riku and I shared, and opened the walk-in wardrobe. At the very back, I pulled out a pair of slouch jeans and a plain t-shirt. Dressed in my old style of clothes, I slipped into town discreetly, and blended in with ease. Walking around town, ignored completely by everyone around, I finally breathed freely. Life at the castle was so stifling, but here I could be whoever I wanted to be. Riku just didn’t understand, as much as I hated to admit it…but I still loved him, obviously. I was just having a…rough time of things.

I didn’t think at all that Quistis would join us, or that boy. He used some sort of sword it seems, and he was good with it too. Enemies fell in a blur when he and Freya took the front lines. Quistis and I didn’t have to raise a finger. Of course, we didn’t complain at all.

We left Balamb, heading west, and arrived, after a few hours, at the city of Lindblum. It’d been far too long since I was last here, but with Regent Cid gone, I didn’t feel a need to. I didn’t hear who was crowned the next Regent, obviously Haru had royal blood. We arrived at the Castle a few hours after noon, and asked an audience with Her Majesty. She had disappeared by the sounds of things, and His Majesty had gone out looking for her. So we had to talk to Minister Zexion instead.

His face was tear-stained, but he maintained a highly professional air. When he saw me, he jumped slightly. “You!” I nodded. “I need to see Haru. It’s an emergency.” Zexion shook his head. “Her Majesty is busy at the moment-" Quistis interrupted him. “Excuse me? Between him and me, we’ve taught Her Majesty all she knows! We won’t settle for something as pathetic as this!” Zexion began to retort when the doors to the throne room burst open. His Majesty King Riku stood there, dripping slightly, his hair limp. “I can’t find her. Anywhere.”

I strolled through the business district with my hands in my pockets, watching people go about their daily business. I wondered what I would be doing right now if none of this had happened – what would I be growing into if I wasn’t a black mage, if Gildas hadn’t been a summoner, if he hadn’t been of royal lineage? Would I be studying at Balamb Garden, like I had once considered? I felt dizzy at the thought of Gildas again, and had to sit down.

Was it my feelings of guilt and regret that made me feel this way? I shouldn’t have done it, I shouldn’t have killed him…It was just like Zexion had said. I stood up quickly, knocking my head on something hard. The resounding crack burst out in my head loudly, and I had to blink stars out of my eyes. Looking up as I rubbed my head, I noticed I had been sitting on the plinth of Gildas’s statue. It made me want to retch just looking at it, and I stumbled down the streets away from it. I was still gagging when I reached the opposite end of the town, and couldn’t hold it in anymore.

A few minutes later, I straightened up and pushed my hair back. I tugged at my t-shirt nervously, and decided to walk back to the castle. Maybe I could sneak into the library and lose myself in an old, musty book in the corner…I snorted. Now I was a queen there was no chance I could ever be alone. I resented that above anything else. I wondered how difficult Gildas must have found it...?

Zexion ran over to His Majesty. “Hey, I was wondering, you guys were with that boy, Gildas, right? Where is he, anyway?” I asked. Zexion had just gone to take off His Majesty’s coat, and stopped. His hands faltered, stopping in midair, and he just… collapsed. He just fell to the floor, only just being caught by King Riku who slid down to the floor, perfectly timed, and picked him up. “Forgive him.” Riku began, “He’s a little… touchy. I’ll be right back.” He carried Zexion into an adjoining room as Zexion cried quietly into his robes. I felt bad… What had I said?

“Anyway.” Riku began, once he returned. “About that. Gildas… He became Regent of Lindblum after Cid passed away,” I looked a little confused, so Riku continued. “And after only a few weeks, maybe a month in office… something happened. Gildas was killed, protecting his country.” I looked down to the floor. I’d been tactless. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know” I began, but Riku cut ahead. “Don’t worry; it’s not your fault. Gildas and Zexion were lovers… hence the crying. But what’s past is past. What can I help you with?” I shuffled a bit. “Actually, we were hoping to… maybe… could we… see Her Majesty?” Riku looked down to the floor. “She left the castle around fifteen minutes ago. I went looking, but as you can see…” I nodded, sadly. “We don’t mind waiting. Take as long as you need!”

I crept into the castle stealthily, bypassing all the guards, and stole into an empty room to change back into my regal clothes. I was totally changed when I heard the gentle snuffling. I whipped round, panicked. If someone found out that I snuck into town whenever I could, I would never hear the end of it. Not only that, but there would be such a close watch on me that I wouldn’t be able to get out. I stepped anxiously towards the source of the sniffs to find a huddled mass on the carpet. Unsure of what to do, I nudged it slightly with my foot. Zexion’s watery eyes peeked out at me and I pulled him into a hug.

I let go of him quickly, though; things were still awkward around Zexion when conversation strayed from business. “Sorry…” he snuffled, “but it’s just…Vivi…mentioned Gildas…wondered where he…” I only picked up on one word of that. “Vivi? Is he here, in the castle?” I asked. Zexion nodded miserably, and pointed towards the door I didn’t walk through earlier. I squared my shoulders and pinched my cheeks to bring back some colour. I still felt slightly queasy, but I perfected my posture as I strode purposefully into the next room.

“Vivi,” I said courteously, nodding to my old friend as he bowed clumsily. I chuckled slightly at how flustered he got, and then stepped over to Riku. “I apologise, dear. I did not mean to cause you any concern at my…inappropriate disappearance. It was…inconsiderate and I swear hereby to…never cause a repeat of my…actions.” I hated speaking in that wooden way, and knew that it came out stilted and awkward. “Now, how can I help you my old friend?” I asked Vivi in the same cold, empty voice.

“You’ve… changed…” I began, adjusting my hat again. It kept sliding over my eyes. “You’re…different…what happened to you?” Her Majesty was about to answer when Quistis shot ahead. “Forget that, why did you kill one of my students? With spells Vivi and I helped you learn, as well!” Haru was taken aback. Tears appeared at the corners of her eyes but she blinked them back ferociously. “Seifer was… an accident. I apologize sincerely and wholeheartedly for what happened, though he did attempt to-" I didn’t let her finish. “It was you! You killed him! You killed Seifer, when he and his gang were the only people who ever took me in! You killed my only friend, you killed the only person I could truly rely on, you-” I heard someone shout. “That’s ENOUGH!”

Zexion entered the room in a rage. “Don’t even assume that you know what’s going on here, Vivi! Haru’s faced more difficulties than you ever have, she’s been placed in worse situations than you could dream of, and you stand here shouting at Her Majesty as if she is some common pauper! Don’t even presume-” I interrupted. “SHE KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!” Zexion stood right in front of me, looking down at me with rage and sadness in his eyes. “SHE KILLED HER BEST FRIEND TOO! She had to, she didn’t have a choice! You think she likes doing these things?” I looked away, my eyes stinging with tears. Haru had seemed so nice… what had she become? I ran out of the room, no longer able to hold myself together. Freya followed on, and Squall silently left too, but Quistis stayed. As the doors slammed shut behind me, and I ran aimlessly through the castle, I heard shouting emanating from the throne room, “I’m not going until I get a proper explanation! I taught this girl half the things she knows, I deserve…”

I watched Vivi sprint away from me, and looked down at my shaking hands. They were covered in the metaphorical blood of so many people. Riku was hovering at my shoulder, and I looked up into his upset face, and forced back yet more tears. “He’s right…” I choked. Riku shook his head fiercely, but I pressed one trembling finger to his lips. “Quistis,” I said firmly, stepping forward. “Please allow me to tell the tale without interruption. Once I have finished, you may question me, or get angry – you have every right! Just please give me the chance to explain my actions.” Quistis flicked her eyes up and down me one time, and then gave me a tight-lipped nod.

“We were in Balamb Town, and,” I started, but I suddenly felt strangely dizzy. Noticing that my eyes had come unfocused (I assume) Riku rushed forward and supported me as my legs gave way completely. “What’s the matter?” he asked, worry carved into his delicate features. “Nothing, I’m fine,” I said, standing up again. “I just felt a little unsteady. Maybe a drink…” My voice faltered and failed me completely, and I fell into Riku again as the images in front of me swam hazily.

After reaching a room which seemed to be a guest room, I couldn’t run anymore and jumped onto the bed. Crying harder than I ever had before, it sank in that Seifer would never be there for me, never give me another Sea-salt Ice Cream, never protect me anymore… it hurt. He’d been my closest friend… and now I’d never see him again…

Freya walked in, asking me to calm down, saying everything would be all right. Of course it wouldn’t. Now, everything would be ruined. No Seifer, no Zidane… and now I was a criminal. I’d cast a spell on Her Majesty. I hadn’t meant to, it was a reflex reaction… She’d be on the floor by now. But… I’m glad Confuse was the first thing that popped into my head…

I wasn’t really aware of much that was happening. All I could tell was that I was sitting down on something, and Riku’s voice was murmuring. My head was spinning – quite literally, as I couldn’t support it properly. The words he was speaking seemed to be in a different language. Vivi’s vivid eyes kept popping into my head, the yellow searing into my skull. I stood up, pleased to see that I could now. Riku rushed over immediately. “Really, Haru, I think you need to stay sat down for a while,” he urged. I noticed that all traces of regal speech had vanished. I flapped my hand at him. “No, I’m okay; I need to go find Vivi and explain.” When Riku attempted to argue, I cut him off straightaway.

“No, don’t say anything. Like Zexion said, I killed my own best friend. I know what it’s like to just lose the one person who’s always been there. He must be feeling nearly suicidal, and yet I have the nerve to look him in the face and speak to him calmly – he had every right to be angry! You stay here with Quistis – I assume you were explaining what happened to her?” Riku nodded, and I went to leave the room. However, a firm hand on my shoulder made me pause and look back. “I’m coming too. You owe me am explanation, too.” I nodded, and led Quistis, Riku and Zexion away. I didn’t know where I was going, but I asked the guards if they had seen a small boy with a pointy hat, and they showed me the route he had taken.

As the tears didn’t come anymore, I just lay on the bed retching slightly. Freya had a hand on my back, and I heard Squall’s heavy breathing, mixed with tears of his own. Maybe he had been friends with Seifer? I did recognize the description… I looked over. Squall was definitely crying, cuddling his knees and rocking ever so slightly. The door opened, and Haru walked calmly inside, if a little unsteadily.

Quistis ran forward. “Squall!” She leapt over to him, pulling him into a hug. “I shouldn’t have let you go, I’m sorry, I know, it’s okay…” She was running her fingers through his hair. “Squall was there when Haru… did what she did. He was deeply traumatized by it.” Her Majesty Haru faltered slightly; was that the spell or her emotions? “I’ve come… to apologise… and explain things. To everyone. And that includes Zidane.” Her Majesty nodded to Freya. Haru knew about Zidane?

I spoke into the silence about everything; leaving home to start this journey, meeting everyone, Seifer’s death, the news about Zidane, and finished with Gildas’s…passing. Nobody interrupted me, and my voice grew hoarser and hoarser as I went on. I finished rather lamely, just saying, “and now you’re all here, I guess…” but still nobody spoke. I looked around nervously at everyone, still expecting a punch or an angry outburst from someone. I looked over at Vivi, who was staring at the floor with his giant eyes. I went to take a step forward, but stopped myself at the last minute. Somehow, I ended up overbalancing completely and crashed to the floor. Riku ran forward to help, but I was already up, brushing myself down angrily. I knew I was clumsy, but that was just plain stupid.

After Haru had explained everything, I felt… sorry for her. I’d shouted at her, and she’d been through so much. The sun was already setting through the west window, and I stepped forward and bowed slightly. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I didn’t realise.” She’d grown in height since I last saw her, now that I think about it. I ran forward and hugged her legs, and she stuttered for a moment, before patting my head slightly. I knew that we both needed someone to hug us more than anything, and she shared my pain. Zexion was silently whimpering in the corner, tears streaked down his face. He really did love Gildas… a lot…

I sat back down on the side of the bed, wiping my eyes slightly. And then it hit me. “Wait- What happened to Sephiroth?” Haru and Riku jumped, and Zexion looked up suddenly. “He disappeared… Damn it!” Zexion pounded his fist against the wall. Riku’s comforting look twitched ever so slightly. Zexion moved to the doorway. “Zexion, where are you going?” He shouted back, pure hatred in his voice. “Don’t bother, Haru. Don’t even try and stop me. Sephiroth is going to die by my hand. Now.” He stormed out. Haru walked on after him. “You can’t leave office now, it’s…” She finished half-heartedly. Walking back in, she shrugged slightly. “Someone should go with him…” We all looked around. I was the first to speak. “Zexion may not be strong… but this is his battle. He must fight it alone.”

I nodded at Vivi’s words; they reminded me of something Gildas had once said…although who or what about, I had no clue. But the unadulterated loathing in Zexion’s voice had shaken me. As if reading my mind, Riku draped one arm around my shoulders. “It wasn’t aimed at you,” he whispered, “he’s angry at himself and Sephiroth. But not you.” I closed my eyes. He would have every right to be angry at me, and I knew that. Riku’s words weren’t going to calm me at all.

I sank down onto the bed, suddenly feeling weak again, and addressed Vivi. “So why are you here? I’m sorry if you already mentioned it, but my head…isn’t always switched on at the moment.” I didn’t know how else to say it. But now, while there were no guards present, I could speak however I wanted to, and I relished being able to talk without Received Pronunciation, and sit without having to straighten my back.

I looked a little ashamed. “Well, mainly we came to talk to you about your actions…” Haru looked down at the floor. “But there is one thing I need to ask, now that I think about it.” She looked up again, hope flashing across her trembling features. “You haven’t unlocked Death yet, have you?” She shook her head. I grinned slightly. “Yes you have.”

Her Majesty Haru looked confused (and not from my spell). “You see, Death is unlocked by a feeling of deep hatred and contempt, but love is also a prerequisite. This way, evil people cannot get hold over its power. Having to kill Gildas would have given you the deep hatred and contempt for Sephiroth, and yourself, but you also still Love him.” She looked more confused. “I never loved Gildas…” I shook my head. “Not in the traditional sense. You never wanted to marry him, but there was always a feeling that he was your older brother, wasn’t there? Always a sense that he’d protect you, keep you safe. You always looked up to him to lead the way for you, light your path. In a sense, he was the closest family you had.” As I spoke, Haru seemed to reflect on the past, staring at a corner of the room with watery eyes. “Now he’s gone, and you hate yourself for it, because you loved him. That is what Death is all about.”

Haru nodded silently, King Riku rubbing her shoulders. “Zexion is a White Mage, right? He’ll be fine. But there’s one thing I’ve noticed about you, Haru.” Quistis looked up sharply. “Of course! Holy!” Haru wiped her eyes a little, and Quistis became suddenly alive with knowledge. “Vivi has a very good point here, Haru. You learned Holy! That’s the most powerful White Magic spell going! Yes, you heard correctly; White Magic. You failed to revive Gildas as he was too far gone, but that doesn’t mean the spell wouldn’t have worked on anyone else! You aren’t a Black Mage, like Vivi… You’re a Red Mage!”

I looked up at Quistis. What the hell was a Red Mage? Why did people just expect me to know what they meant when they said something like that? She was looking at me expectantly, and I stood up, noticing that I was a touch taller than her. I flicked my hair back gently, and smiled calmly. “Okay, well…that’s good to know,” I laughed, “so if that’s all? I have some papers to sign or something, most likely.” I walked out of the room with my head held high, ignoring the confused stutters behind me.

Riku jogged up behind me. “…What was all that about?” he asked. I shrugged. “Who knows? I don’t care, either. I don’t know what a Red Mage is, but I do know that I have other stuff to be worrying about. I never even use my magic anymore, since…” Riku nodded. He could tell what was coming next. I stopped walking suddenly, so that Riku stumbled into me. As I turned to face him, I noticed he looked worried, so my eyes fell to the floor in shame. “…I have to tell you something.” The words were struggling to form; I couldn’t put important sentences together properly anymore. “Since…you know. Since then, I haven’t…I can’t…I haven’t been able to…My magic doesn’t work properly.” I mumbled.

Riku’s look of horror made me turn away quickly, but he pulled my face back to him. “What do you mean, ‘doesn’t work properly’?” he demanded. I gazed at him sadly, and with a flick of my hand said, “Fire.” The resulting fire in my hand was feeble, and flickered and died almost straight away. Careful not to fall into his shockingly green eyes, I walked away from him. He followed after me, but when I got into the lift it had ascended before he could get on. The look of sadness in his eyes felt like it pierced my heart, and I had to lean on the side of the lift to stay upright.

I looked confusedly after her. Didn’t she realise? She’s a Red Mage! She can use both Black and White magic, possibly making her the best ruler Lindblum will ever have! Odd though, when Quistis mentioned magic Haru just seemed to switch off… I wonder if Haru is keeping up with her studies…

Squall and Freya had stayed silent, Freya only making any sounds when Zidane’s name had been mentioned, and Squall seemed to be totally mute. With Her Majesty’s leave, we considered ourselves unwanted, and so we began to head for the entrance. Then we heard something that shook us. King Riku grunted slightly, and fell to the floor in the corridor ahead. In front of him was someone I didn’t recognize, but evidently Quistis did. The shock of hair ran away, leaving Riku huddled in pain on the floor. Quistis shook her head. “No way…”

I stumbled through the castle hazily, ignoring everyone around me until I got to mine and Riku’s room. Snapping the door shut behind me and locking it, I slid down the wall, cradling my aching head in my shaking hands. I looked around the room, at the ornate bed, the intricate drapes and tapestries, the delicate cushions and throws. Thinking back to Destiny Islands, with its sandy beach and cosy, wooden hut, I couldn’t hold back the torrent of tears anymore. Slowly, I stood up and walked over to the bed, resting my hands on its soft sheets. And then I just snapped. I threw everything around blindly, tearing the curtains off their pole and breaking more than one spindly ornament. Looking around at the chaos that had been the royal chambers, I was shuddering violently. I slipped into the dark wardrobe and huddled up in a dark corner, rocking myself to try and stop the crying.

We ran over to the King, who lay crumpled on the floor. Turning him over, we found no visible injury, but he clung to himself like a child. As we lay him flat, he howled in agony, and Quistis spoke. “He’s been punched. Yes, just punched, but very hard. He’ll have internal bruising, and bleeding if we aren’t lucky. We need to find Haru; she’s the only one who can cure him now.”

We dragged him to the elevator and Quistis looked at me quizzically. I simply pushed the top button. Elevators were always the same. After we reached the top floor, the guards immediately rushed forward. “Just get Queen Haru, now! Quistis called, as Squall silently dragged the King forward.

I think I must have fallen asleep in that quiet corner. Suddenly I heard banging on the door, and rolled my eyes. “Your majesty!” cried a commanding voice. “Your majesty, you know I do not wish to intrude, but it’s King Riku!” That sentence sent a chill through me. I sprinted over to the door and wrenched it open as he continued. “He’s been injured, severely, and they say you are the only one who can help him! He’s over by the elevator!” I charged past him in the direction of the lift, before the guard could say a word about the state of my bedroom or my surely pink eyes.

As the elevator slid into view, I saw a cluster of people grouped around a huddle on the ground that I knew was Riku. I skidded to a stop next to him, and dropped to my knees. “What’s wrong with him?” I called anxiously, squeezing his hand tightly. It was Quistis who answered, in her calm, cool voice. “He’s been punched, very hard. He’s suffering from internal bruising and possibly internal bleeding.” I stared up at her. “So what can I do? I’m not a white mage?!” I cried desperately. Vivi coughed delicately.

“Excuse me, but that’s what we were saying earlier. You’re a Red Mage; you can use black and white magic. You have to use Cure on him, Haru.” I gaped slightly. Riku was the only one who knew my magic was failing me at the moment, but I had to try. Looking down at Riku, I nodded, breathing deeply, and shoved my hair away. “Cure,” I urged, laying my hands gently on his chest. “Cure, Cure, Cure!” I shouted, imagining pushing the magic out through my fingers. I chased the warm feeling through my body and into Riku’s. My hands were shaking with the effort.

Eventually, Riku groaned, and smiled up at me radiantly. “I’m okay,” he whispered. “It doesn’t hurt anymore. Thank you, Haru.” Hearing this, I felt so relieved, and I collapsed onto him, completely devoid of energy but pleased that he was alright. He laughed gently, and gave me a one-armed squeeze.

I laughed slightly. Riku was okay, and Haru was finally sure of herself. I thought her magic was failing, that’s why she looked odd when Quistis mentioned it, and the several Cures proved it. She’d be better soon. Haru still looked a little sad. “Zexion told me… that all it took was for him to whisper a spell for it to be at full strength…” I shook my head. “Zexion is a special case. There’s magic in him that’s pure as water, it runs through his veins like blood. Red Mages haven’t got the natural strength for both magicks, but they can do what normal people cannot. You unlocked the fourth-tier spells, yes?” Haru nodded. “Then this proves it. Though your fourth-tier elemental spells are immensely powerful, they are only as powerful as a Black Mage’s third-tier spells. It’s just that only Red Mages can unlock them. It’s… a power stopper. For safety.”

Haru looked a little less confused. Riku stood up, shakily. “Haru, your powers are back now.” Riku looked confused; it was me who said that. “Yeah, I know. I’ve got great empathy skills, and I know what people are thinking most of the time. It’s a skill I got from an old Sage I once knew.” Haru looked back at Riku and Freya stepped forwards. “I’m sorry. I thought I’d find enough answers to please me, but something is still missing… I’ll see you later, Vivi. I need to do some finding of my own.” Before I could stop her, she leapt out the open window and disappeared into the night. Maybe she, too, was worried about my mind-reading abilities.

After a night’s rest at the castle, Queen Haru asked us to have an audience with her and the King. We accepted of course, to deny would be cruel. Haru and Riku sat upon their thrones, a cool Silvery shine reflecting from the metal. “We need to find out who hit my husband.” Haru began imperiously, “And we need to find out why. Vivi, Quistis, and Squall, we need your assistance in this matter.” Quistis looked guiltily at the wall to her left. “I know who it was, and Vivi will be able to tell you why once we find him.” Haru shot a quizzical look at her. “He’s a student at Balamb Garden. His name’s…Zell.”

I heard the name, and nodded. “So where do you think we shall find this ‘Zell’?” I asked. Quistis fell into thoughtful silence, and finally Squall spoke. It was the first time I had heard his voice since meeting him in Balamb Town, and now it was high pitched and shrill. “I think we should check the Garden,” he trilled. “As students, we were always told to return to the Garden in times of need. And even though he didn’t like the Disciplinary Committee, I know that Zell thought of the Garden as a second home. We all thought of it as home, actually…” Quistis nodded, adjusting her ponytail with painstaking perfection. “That is true. Good thinking Squall!” She spoke as though praising a dog that had followed a command, and patted him on the back.

I rose slowly, and beside me, Riku did the same. As I stepped forward, I lifted the hem of my robe, careful not to trip on it. “I would suggest, then, that we separate for a while to gather our supplies. Here, take this money from the royal treasury, and go into town. I would say that two hours should suffice? And while you’re there, it may be an idea to search for Freya. Does that sound acceptable to you all?” There was a general murmur of consent around the room, and I nodded commandingly.

I lead Quistis and Squall from the throne room, it finally sinking in that I was in charge of them. They, and Freya, too, had been following me. I felt… privileged, strong – even happy. We headed out of the castle, taking the air-train to the Shopping District, and began our shopping. I decided that we should check out Alice’s Item shop first, she didn’t know about Zidane. We spent five minutes there consoling her, and left for the weapons shop, our money purse no lighter than it was before.

After checking the Weapons and Synthesis shops, and finding that our equipment was already up-to-date, we set out back for the castle. I didn’t feel comfortable spending Royal money, anyway. I did use the last coins from my own wallet to buy us another Tent just in case, but Haru wouldn’t have to know, would she? As we entered the castle, I saw a flash of red streak across a rooftop, but I knew that Freya wouldn’t want me to tell anyone, so I kept quiet.

I paced around the Throne Room agitatedly. I didn’t like waiting, and hated not being able to do anything. Two guards knocked on the door imperiously, and Riku bade they come in. They were carrying all of our equipment, and Riku and I quickly donned all of our old accessories and wielded our favourite weapons. My rod was just as light as I remembered, and seemed to hum with pleasure at being reunited with my hand. Riku sliced his sword through the air, welcoming back the gentle swishing noise.

It had been half an hour since the others had left and I was practically bouncing off the walls. Riku’s face was empty, though, and I asked him what he was thinking about. “Huh?” He seemed shocked, and shook his head as though coming out of a daydream. “Nothing, really. Have you warned Artania that we’ll be leaving for a while?” he asked. I exclaimed, and called a guard in to go and send a message to the minister. Gildas had trusted him before, and I was certain he would do a good job of looking after the kingdom this time, too.

Once the guard had left, Riku took my hand and played with my fingers. “What’s the matter?” I asked softly. I hadn’t been satisfied with his answer earlier, and he scanned my face before giving in. “I was just thinking that…Well, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.” I cupped his face in my hands gently, and waited for him to continue. “I just-”

The door opened again, making Riku stop talking at once. He pushed my hands away, and stood straight. Vivi and the others walked in slowly and I rolled my eyes. “All ready to go?” I asked, fighting to keep the contempt for their timing out of my voice.

I nodded as Haru inquired as to our readiness. I shuffled slightly on the spot; we seemed to have interrupted something. Nevertheless, Haru and Riku walked forward and took the lead, together, which was much better than seeing just Riku lead; guys have too much leadership about them. We followed them out into the bright sunlight, and Squall shielded his eyes. We walked forward through Lindblum, the public parting as Haru and Riku walked ahead. I found it strange how a punch could start all this, but then, Riku was King now.

We left Lindblum through the Serpent’s Gate. I felt things were going to get... awkward… from now on.

Chapter Two: Zell Dincht

We left the castle quickly, before any of the guards caught us out. It was only after we had escaped through Serpent’s Gate that I felt like I could relax. The springtime sun was high in the sky and felt warm on my skin, and my face finally relaxed into a small smile. But then I sighed deeply, and my mind clouded over again. What was one sunny day in the great scheme of things? I was running over things in my head at top speed, thinking about all the times people had died in my life…and then I was reliving my attempted suicide again…I found myself wishing it had worked for the thousandth time, and shuddered.

Suddenly, a person jumped down in front of us, forcing the group to stop. “Freya!” cried Vivi happily, and he charged forward to hug her knees tightly, his face (seemingly) shining with joy. She looked down at him fondly, and then up at us. “I would ask your permission to join you, wherever you may be adventuring to?” I looked at Riku, who looked at me. We both looked at Freya, and then at Vivi. Vivi looked at us and we looked up at Freya before finally nodding. “We would be honoured if you were to join our modest group,” I said graciously, and she nodded gratefully.

I was so glad Freya was with us. She’d protected me a lot over the past year, and without her I’m sure I’d not be so courageous. I felt bad when she left, but not being able to stop her, I pushed it out of my mind quickly. Now she was back, and I couldn’t be happier. Her red jacket swayed gently in the breeze, and she looked just like she had when Burmecia had fallen; calm but vengeful. “Shall we go?” Haru said, and we all nodded.

Quistis began to lead the way, her teacher’s personality shining through. She was telling us which monsters to avoid, and which were easy to defeat. She knew each one’s weaknesses and strengths, and I think she was just talking us through to ease her own mind. This… Zell being the King’s attacker had made her uneasy. I didn’t get to do much, but just strolling through the open air was fun, especially when Squall decided to chase after an Oglop. The fun didn’t last too long, though, because Quistis stopped abruptly when we reached Balamb Garden. “Come on.” She said, “We need to see Headmaster Cid.” Where had I heard that name before?

We walked through the entrance to Balamb Garden, and were instantly buffered to one side by the streams of students rushing around. I barely had time to wonder if the Garden was this rushed all the time before I had to grab Riku’s hand to stop him from being swallowed up completely by the massive crowd. He emerged, a little flustered-looking but unharmed. I checked to make sure that everyone else was with us and uninjured, and it was only once I knew they were that I relaxed.

“Right, so we need to go up to the top floor in the elevator, so I can request a meeting with the Headmaster. I would advise that we all make a chain and go up together, so as not to get separated,” Quistis advised. We all nodded, and started in the direction of the lift. Once there, everyone piled in, and Quistis pushed the button for the top floor. But just as the doors began to close, a strong hand took hold of my arm and wrenched me away, clapping another hand over my mouth to stifle my shouts. I watched the lift fly upwards; nobody seemed to have noticed – other than Squall, who was pressed up against the glass. Would he tell anyone in time? And even if he did, would they be able to do anything about it? So many questions raced through my head as I was tugged away through the maze of a Garden.

I looked up at Squall, who was pointing out of the glass doors with a confused look on his face. “Haru…” he said gently, and I looked around at the legs of the others in the lift. Only one set of Royal robes. One set… Where was the second? Then it hit me; Haru. I looked quickly out the glass doors of the lift, catching a glimpse of her struggling through the crowd, held firmly by a young man with blonde hair, the same man who had attacked Riku. Haru was in serious danger.

I pulled at Quistis’ skirt, and she looked down at me. “Haru’s gone, taken by the guy who hit Riku.” Riku almost shouted out and Freya looked very concerned. Quistis remained stony and firm. “We must see the Headmaster. You, Riku and I will consult the Headmaster. Squall and Freya will remain in the lift, take it back down to Floor One and find Haru. Which direction was she taken?” I looked down at the floor, thinking hard. “It was green… a green floor. She was scared, very scared, and the man was thinking about… monsters?” Quistis nearly leapt a mile. “The Training Centre! Squall, Freya, when you get back to Floor One, you must hurry! Squall, lead the way!”

The lift reached the Second Floor, and everyone got off barring us three. Squall and Freya stood next to the lift, waiting patiently as Riku paced the empty space, raging a little. I know she’ll be okay… she has to be.

I fought against the strong arms hanging onto me – I was biting, scratching, kicking; anything that would free me. But I had no chance. The person was strong and muscular, and his arm was probably as thick as my neck. I was panicking, but I forced myself to take deep, fortifying breaths and focus my thoughts. Looking up at the lift, I could see it had stopped at the top, but as it melted out of view, I hadn’t had time to notice whether or not it was going to come back down.

I decided to stop struggling. All the energy flowed out of me, and I forced my muscles to relax. My whole body just deflated. However, the strange man pulling me along did the opposite of what I expected; rather than stumbling, faltering or maybe even letting go of me, he just kept walking, and hoisted me into a fireman’s lift over one shoulder. My mind froze again, and I beat my fists on his back, but he barely even seemed to care. The only way I knew he had even noticed was that he turned his head slightly to smirk at me. I saw a wild shock of blonde hair and a streaking, black tattoo on his face, and jumped. He matched the description of Riku’s attacker perfectly. Had he planned this all out perfectly? What was his plan? All these questions were drilling into my brain, resulting in a killer of a headache.

Quistis lead us forward to the desk, and coughed. The black leather chair on the other side swirled round, revealing a man with greying hair and large, round glasses. “Headmaster Cid. I apologise for the intrusion, but here with me are esteemed Black Mage Vivi,” Here I nodded slightly, “And King Riku of Lindblum. We come to speak to you about a member of Garden who is-” The Headmaster held up his hand. “I know about Zell, believe me. He’s been causing us trouble for a while now, what with the Cafeteria raids-” Quistis looked shocked. “That was Zell?” The Headmaster nodded. “Of course, I’ve already got some theories about his behaviour. It is my belief he is acting on the orders of another.”

Quistis looked as if something had finally dawned on her. “Of course… Zell was always a good student, boisterous, yes, but good…” She began muttering to herself, “If someone… pulling the strings… but, why… Of course, he’s… but then…” She snapped her fingers. “That’s it! His mother!” I looked confusedly up at her. “Zell’s mother isn’t just a good cook, she’s an Apothecary on the side, to earn more money! With her inventory, she could make anything, even…” She breathed in sharply, the realisation plain on her mature features. “Draught of the Living Dead! The drinker falls into such a deep sleep that they may never wake from it, it’s the perfect assassin’s tool!”

I wasn’t sure how long we were walking for, but it felt like hours – the fact that I could see nothing but the mossy floor probably did nothing to help that. Then, Zell just suddenly stopped, and dropped me to the floor. The word ‘dropped’ is actually literal here; he just leant forward and let go of me, so I thudded down heavily. I tried to regain my regal airs (failing miserably) and stared up at him, affecting a careful look of disgust. He ignored me completely, though, and looked around our surroundings. So did I. There were no people around, and it looked like we were in the middle of a jungle or forest, but it was far from quiet. I could hear distant, bestial cries and the rustling of the foliage – which confused me; we were inside, where there was no wind. So what was causing the trees and bushes to sway and dance?

Zell bent down and peered into my face. His eyes seemed dazed and unfocused, and when I looked closer I could see that the edges of his irises were actually jagged and rough. I shuddered, and he laughed loudly to see my discomfort. He pulled out a small, glass bottle, and held it up. The light filtered through, showing a green, sludge-like liquid in the bottom. The bottle was pushed into my mouth, so the thick substance trickled down my throat, making my eyes water. I tried to cough it up, but his hand stopped me, and with his free hand he pinched my nose, so that I would have to swallow the potion to breathe. Once he knew the contents of the bottle had been swallowed, Zell straightened up again.

It felt like something had flown into my brain and made it go all fuzzy. I felt my eyelids trying to fall shut, and even though I fought against it, I couldn’t stop it. The very last thing I saw was a flash of a familiar red coat and the glint of a metal object, before I was wrapped in the darkness, Zell’s inhuman laugh rebounding in my head.

Quistis looked worriedly at the Headmaster, and then at me. “We have to go. Squall and Freya won’t have the antidote, but Dr. Kadawaki might!” Riku flinched again, he was obviously worried about his… well, his wife. He bit his lip slightly, and Quistis looked back at the Headmaster. “Thank you, sir. You always have a knack of helping these little brainwaves.” She bowed, and began walking back to the elevator. Riku and I followed at a quick pace.

As soon as we reached the elevator, Quistis jabbed the Ground Floor button. The elevator doors closed swiftly, and the machine sprang into life. Passing the Second Floor, I noticed the students had gone to their classes… This whole “school” idea was totally new to me. I’d always wondered what it was like to go to a school… I guess it’s a little hectic for me. I know all I need to, anyways. We reached the Ground Floor, and Quistis began walking at a fast, steady pace around the school to a white corridor, the same se had lead Squall down before. The white tiling shone in the light, and as we reached the Infirmary, Dr. Kadawaki was sorting out some paperwork.

“Quistis, good of you to drop by. To what injury do I owe this pleasure?” The woman stood up straight, her hair tied back in a tight bun. She adjusted her glasses, fixing Quistis with an odd stare. Quistis was apparently used to this, for she spoke in an instant. “We need an antiserum. It’s vitally important we get it now.” The doctor simply smiled, heading over to her cabinet. “Let’s see… We have Softs, Echo Herbs, plain Antidotes, or Remedies, but they’re expensive. You’ll need…?” Quistis shook her head. “We need something much stronger. We need Jolt Tonic.”

Everything was so dark, so suffocating…And my body felt so heavy. I couldn’t lift my arm or leg, no matter how hard I tried. So I concentrated on something simpler; moving my fingers. But even though I struggled with all my energy, all I succeeded in doing was making my headache worse. I couldn’t even open my eyes. I hated the dark – it wasn’t that I was still scared of it, but I’d rather be somewhere light than somewhere dark.

I couldn’t see, but I could still hear. There were voices nearby, but I had to really concentrate to be able to hear what they were saying, and even then they were still muffled. “What happened, do you think?” It was a man’s voice…it kind of sounded like Squall? But that was impossible, he still hated me – and I couldn’t blame him. “I could not even guess, but I would suggest we move, and with haste.” That resembled Freya. Relief flooded me, and I tried to smile. Of course I couldn’t, but I knew I was safe now. That would be enough for me at the moment.

Dr. Kadowaki’s mouth opened slightly and she shut it after a few seconds. “Jolt Tonic?” Quistis nodded, and the doctor opened her cabinet door right open, looking a little frantic. She pushed the bottles to the side, and pulled one out from the very back. There were a few drops of bright yellow liquid at the bottom, not even a mouthful. “This will be enough, if she is less than an hour induced. After an hour, this amount won’t be enough to save her.” Quistis took the bottle, bowing slightly, and began to run out, followed closely by Riku. I ran as fast as I could, just managing to keep up with them.

As we reached the centre of the building, Quistis looked around hurriedly. “Why are there so many students out? Lessons are still on.” An announcement rang from the loudspeakers. “STUDENTS OF BALAMB GARDEN. THIS IS NORG. YOUR LESSONS ARE FINISHED! GO BACK HOME TO YOUR FAMILIES OR DIE LIKE YOUR HEADMASTER!”

It felt so lonely in the darkness…I couldn’t feel anything physically, so my emotions were running riot in my head. All I wanted was to just shut everything off, stop thinking, stop feeling…I wanted to know that I was okay, and yet in a sick sense I didn’t care. It didn’t matter to me then if I had died, as long as this pain stopped soon. I thought about Riku – and our life now. Did he want to go back to Destiny Islands as much as I did? I thought about Vivi and Freya, and how much pain had been caused by Zidane’s death. I could have stopped that if I had just done something more, surely…And Squall was still so shocked; that had been all my fault…

I wanted it to be over. I wanted it all to finish. As long as all this ended, I didn’t mind what happened to me…I think, at that point, I gave up all of my will to live, just so that I didn’t have to think these suffocating thoughts anymore.

Quistis swore under her breath, and ran to the top of the stairs. “Excuse me! Students, your attention please!” A few confused students looked up to her, but many others simply continued talking. “HEY!” She shouted at the top of her voice, and everyone turned around. I grabbed Riku’s leg so as to not be pushed away from him, and listened to Quistis, her arms held high, the bottle still in her hand. “Selphie Tilmitt? Are you here? And Irvine Kinneas, I need you too!” A boy and a girl, holding hands, pushed their way to the stairs. “Just stand here for me.” The boy nodded, and the two stood next to Quistis. “Okay, listen up! NORG has decided to run riot in the Garden again and I need you to rally beside me once more! Last time, we fought off the coward and drove him from this place, but now he’s returned, and I need your help!”

“Please, could all female students between the ages of Seventeen and Twenty-three gather to the west, led by Selphie-“ Here, Selphie left the stairs and jumped down to the west, “And all male students of the same age report by Irvine to the east!” The male and female students split, leaving a few teachers and the younger students in the centre. Quistis stood by this last group, and addressed the Garden once more.

“For all I know, Headmaster Cid may indeed be dead. But please, do not panic and follow my orders. Boys, follow Irvine to the emergency stairs, and take them down to the bottom floor of the Garden. NORG will undoubtedly be there. Girls, find any remaining students on this, and the second level, and once Selphie is sure that everyone is okay, bring the young ones here and follow the boys. Go!” The Garden students scrambled and left their various ways, and Quistis turned to us. “I’m sorry. The Garden needs me. Here,” she gave the bottle to Riku, “Take this and find Squall and Freya, they’ll surely have found Haru by now. I have to get these young ones to safety.”

Quistis lead the group of children away to the Garden entrance, and the Teachers split off, some aiding the boys, whilst some finding other students. Riku looked down at me, the bottle in his hand, and nodded. Now…where was that green walkway?

It was still dark. Still painful. Still un-ending. Nothing was happening. I hadn’t heard any more voices, and I still couldn’t open my eyes. Maybe I really was dying…I almost welcomed the idea, before thinking of Riku and the others. Their smiling faces pushed their way into my thoughts, and somehow I dragged myself out of the dark hole I had buried myself in. I still couldn’t open my eyes, but I felt better. I knew that I would be okay now that Freya and Squall were nearby. They would know where everyone else was, too. That thought comforted me as I finally managed to stop thinking.

I ran to the left, and stopped, realising that Zell had gone left from the viewpoint of the elevator, and ran back right. It had to be nearby… There! Green! Riku and I continued running into the centre, and things became less like a school and more like a… Jungle. Riku pulled out his sword and slashed the air before me just in time, as a plant-like monster jumped out to attack me. We were still in the school, but… this was a dangerous place.

A flash of red. Freya landed in front of us, Squall running behind and carrying a pale Haru, who looked very ill, and didn’t seem to be breathing. Riku rushed over, the bottle in his hand, and placed his head on her chest. He smiled quickly; she must have still had a heartbeat, and unstoppered the bottle and carefully parted his wife’s lips. He placed the bottle to her open lips and we waited in agony as the viscous liquid slowly dribbled to the end of the bottom, and the two drops fell slowly into her mouth. Haru shuddered, and her eyes flew open. She was okay!

Suddenly colours and shapes erupted in front of me. I sat up quickly, calling my favourite fire back into action, before realising who was standing there. I surveyed all of my friends’ faces, before throwing myself into Riku’s tight embrace. I clung onto him tightly, never wanting to let go of him. I closed my eyes again, breathing in Riku’s familiar, comforting scent, and felt him doing the same next to me. His breathing was short and shallow, but I listened as it finally began slowing down to the gentle rhythm that I was used to. I could feel his heart beating next to mine, and knew that I was safe with him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered in his ear. He shook his head fiercely, obviously not trusting himself to speak.

I felt so happy. Haru was okay and her powers were totally back. She looked a lot happier too; maybe near-death experiences really do change you. Riku stood there, cradling her for what must have been a long time, because everyone snapped back to normality with the sound of crickets chirping. I walked over to Haru and Riku. “I hate to ruin this… but we have to go… the Garden might still be in danger…” Haru looked confused; she obviously hadn’t heard the announcement. “Some evil guy is trying to take it over, and everyone went off to fight him. But I don’t know how strong they are; they could have won or lost by now.” Haru nodded, and jumped forward, turning back to face us. “Come on!” She started running off, faster than ever before… Maybe Jolt Tonic was good for lots of things.

We got back to the main hall to find it deserted. I pulled everyone in the direction of the emergency staircase and they followed me down to the lowest floor. Nodding slightly, I opened the door and walked into the pitch black room ahead of me. “Fire.” Haru said calmly, and a bright ball of flame erupted on the ceiling, illuminating the room. Everyone gasped. Freya shook her head slightly. Squall couldn’t hold back his sobs. Riku simply stood there, fighting his emotions, and Haru breathed into her robe sleeve. “No… No… It… can’t be…”

I looked around, stepping forwards cautiously. Stepping over the bodies of the students of Balamb Garden, I lead my companions through the field of the dead. Tears ran silently down my cheeks as I saw that everyone, man, woman and child had been killed indiscriminately. I reached the middle of the room, gazed silently at the figure in front of me. Sat upon a throne made of other bodies, propped up in a relaxed position, her face frozen forever in the horror of her final moments… was Quistis.

As I surveyed the mess of bodies, a sick, cold feeling crept through me. I could feel my breath catch in the back of my throat and my body stiffened on reflex. Next to me, Riku’s face was deliberately wooden, but I noticed his hands were trembling freely. I took his hand – although whether it was to comfort him or myself, I don’t know – but at my touch he jumped wildly. He looked at me, but his eyes were blank; as though someone had switched him off.

Vivi stepped forward, picking his way through the tangled mass, and stopped suddenly. I followed his line of sight, and my gaze slowly slid onto Quistis’s shocked mask of disgust. My gasp slipped out before I could stop it, and instantly everyone else looked up at her. Squall’s sobs rang out more fiercely than before, echoing in the otherwise silence. Vivi took a few more steps forwards and gently closed Quistis’s eyes. Freya was shaking with a mixture of rage and horror – and she didn’t look any more reassured when Vivi took her hand in his softly.

I was determined not to cry, but it was difficult when I spotted Freya’s tight lips, or Vivi’s silent floods of tears, or Squall curled up protectively on the floor. I walked over to him quietly, and gently guided him back up to his feet so we could continue. He wasn’t looking at Quistis, though. His eyes were fixed steadfastly on a girl in a yellow dress, and a boy with a long coat and cowboy hat. “Did you know them?” I whispered fearfully. He nodded jerkily, and started crying into my shoulder. I looked around at the others, shocked and unsure of what to do, but they simply looked back unhelpfully. Nervously, I reached out a hand and patted Squall on the back gently. He grabbed my hand and gripped onto it tightly, no matter how hard I tried to shake him off. Vivi cleared his throat to speak, and as Squall looked up, distracted, I wrenched my hand away and scuttled over to Riku.

My voice faltered before it left my lips. “Guys… I… I’m sorry for you all, not being used to this, but where I… where I was made, this sort of thing is normal. It still…hurts… but I can cope. And so can you! Just remember what they fought for, who they fought against, and the reason they died. Don’t let hate consume you, but remember why they died. They died fighting off a usurper, and we have to kill them ourselves. For Quistis.” I started walking forwards, and I heard Freya whisper as she walked, “So brave for one so young…”

As we walked through the gloom and gore, I pulled Squall to the front and took his hand. “You’ll be okay. I’m here for you.” Squall nodded, tight-lipped, as I pulled him forward. Soon enough, a light shone brightly in the distance, then another and a third, and soon we were stood before a pod-shaped object, with three lights shining. Yellow in the centre, Red and Blue to the sides. Squall drew his blade and struck the Blue light, then the Red, and finally the Yellow. The pod opened, and before me sat a fat, yellow creature that began laughing immediately.

The creature didn’t speak, but Squall shook his head violently. “NORG…” he said calmly, and struck. Quicker than you can blink, there was the slash of metal through the air, the sound of a gunshot, and the creature’s laughing stopped abruptly. Sitting in the pod was a now dead NORG, and several screams rang through the air. The pod imploded, leaving a great hole, and from the whole came a mass of smaller creatures, robed in uniforms similar to those of the Garden, and they swarmed to attack us. Haru let loose several Fira spells and Squall slashed left and right. Riku leapt to protect me and I aimed several Blizzard strikes under his arms. Freya leapt from creature to creature, impaling them upon her Lance before jumping to the next. As the creatures bared their sharp claws, Haru swapped from Black to White magic, playing healer as we needed it.

Within a few minutes, all but one creature lay dead upon the cold, metal floor. It crawled away, and Squall ran after it, determined to exact his revenge, but I pulled him back. “Don’t. There’s been too much death today.” Squall looked at me, his eyes slightly watery, and fell to the floor, trying his hardest to keep his eyes dry. I sat down next to him (though it didn’t make too much difference) and lay my head on his shoulder. “It’s not easy, I know… But you’ll be fine…”

I watched Vivi comforting Squall silently before turning to Riku. “I wish…I could be as strong as Vivi is…” I mumbled, embarrassed to admit it. Riku looked at me curiously. “You don’t need to be stronger. The way you are now, it’s good for you. You know to call for help, and yet you try to help others.” I shook my head. “I try. But sometimes, just trying isn’t enough. Sometimes you have to be able to do something. And I can’t, not by myself.” Riku nodded. “But you don’t have to do it all on your own. That’s why you have me.” He smiled, thinking he had won, and took my hand. But I pulled it back.

“And if you ever left? I wouldn’t be able to cope without you, Riku. I need you with me all the time, I can’t function without you. But we can’t be together forever. We just…can’t. And I love you too much. It isn’t good that I depend on you for everything.” Riku cocked his head. “Why not? We will be together forever, I promise.” I closed my eyes. “That won’t be allowed. Life isn’t that kind to me. Knowing my luck, you’ll start to hate me or…or you’ll die. Everyone else has.” He started to speak, but I shook my head one last time, and sat down on the floor, blocking out everything else.

I turned my head, hearing Haru touch the floor. Plucking up my courage, I stood up and walked over to her. She looked up at me, and before she could make any movements, I’d slapped her hard across the face. “Get a grip, Haru!” She stared blankly at me, before standing up and glaring down at me. “What was that for? Aren’t I allowed a little self-pity? After all I’ve been through?” I adjusted my hat so I could see up to her, and shouted back. “No, Haru, you’re not! All that’s happened to you, killing your best friend, losing your parents, this, it’s nothing compared to what I’ve been through!”

“I discovered I was made, a lifeless doll with only one purpose, to kill! I don’t know how many I did kill before I woke up, but I did! And then, I found out anyone else who found themselves like I did would die, not too long after! I was so scared, but I carried on! I carried on fighting, I didn’t sit and wallow in misery, I just carried on! Eventually, everyone else died, all the people like me, and then they stopped making more, so now I’m the only one left! You have no idea what that’s like!” Haru shifted uncomfortably. “And then, a teenage girl comes to me looking for help, even buys me an ice cream, and I think: Finally, a friend! One who isn’t harsh to anyone, like Seifer, but a true, real friend! So I help you, and you become my friend, and then you become Queen! Queen, Haru! And now you’re here, complaining that a kid is stronger than you? Well get a grip, and then maybe you’ll be as strong as I am!”

Haru looked down at me for a few seconds, and walked away. Riku didn’t follow, nor did anyone else. I walked over and hugged Riku’s legs, mumbling an apology to him, before going back to Squall and pulling him up. “We have to go after her.” Riku nodded, and Freya, Squall and him followed me to the entrance, and walked up the stairs together, but I stopped halfway up, crashing into Haru. I looked past her to see why she had stopped, and gasped. There, on the stairs by the doorway, was Zell. Riku looked as well, and, seeing Zell, he shouted “You!” and tried to push past, but was stopped by a familiar voice. “No. Zell is with me.” There, in the doorway, was Dr. Kadowaki.

I strode away from Vivi in a haze. How could he do that to me? He assumed he knew everything that had happened, but it was difficult for me! A lot had gone on in my life, and I was still getting over Gildas, and he decided to shout the odds…But I knew he was right. I was being pathetic. I’d always known that I was a waste of space, but now someone else had realised it, too. I hated being this way! But I didn’t know how to be any other way. I couldn’t change…or was it that I didn’t want to?

I was still arguing with myself when I almost crashed into someone. I looked up quickly, intending to apologise, but the words seemed to die in my throat. “…You!” I gasped. He smiled at me sheepishly, and pushed his blonde hair back. “Me,” he laughed. I stepped back, but he followed me. “Don’t come anywhere near me,” I breathed, taking another step back. He opened his mouth, but before he had a chance to speak, a stunned voice rang out behind us. “You!” it shouted, and someone very small collided with my knees. I had to grab onto the nearest door handle to stop myself from toppling to the floor, and pulled myself up.

Once I was safely standing, I turned to see who had spoken. Relief flooded me to see Riku and the rest of them. Then, Dr. Kadowaki spoke, and we all turned our attention to her as she continued.

“I know you’re a little flustered here, you most of all Riku, but I’ve carried out your orders.” I turned to Riku, and Haru stiffened, but didn’t turn. “But…Zell?” Dr. Kadowaki nodded. “You told me to prepare Haru for the times ahead. Zell was the perfect candidate.” Nothing made sense. I looked up at Riku. “What’s going on?” Dr. Kadowaki answered for me, “Perhaps we should head into the Foyer?”

Once we were all in the main hall, we sat on some benches and Dr. Kadowaki begun her story. I listened intently; making sure nothing slipped my focus.

“You see, it all started a few months ago. Riku sensed that, eventually, Haru would need to be alone once more, and she needed to be prepared for a solo journey. He contacted me, asking me to help her gain in her abilities. With the Student Records at my disposal, I chose the perfect one, an old Garden student with amazing capabilities, and an old family grudge against a friend of Haru’s. I chose Sephiroth.” Here she held up a hand to stop Haru’s interruption, and continued speaking. “Yes. Sephiroth had a score to settle with his younger brother – and he was bloodthirsty. He seemed the ideal candidate, so he was the one I recruited to improve Haru’s physical and mental strength. Gildas, clever as he was, knew of my plan, but not who I was. He simply referred to me, in private conversations with his lover, Zexion, as “The Lady In White”.”

“Sephiroth completed his mission perfectly. Without Gildas, Haru would need to support herself, and become more independent. Having forced Gildas to change his will, I ensured Haru’s succession to the throne, putting yet more pressure upon her. However, she was still not ready. Here is where I had to…deviate from my plans, so to speak. I hired Zell to punch - but not kill - Riku, so Haru would have yet more personal strife to overcome. Then, Zell kidnapped Haru, and made her drink the Draught of the Living Dead. You would, undoubtedly, come to her aid, and save her with precious minutes to spare. With this near-death experience, Haru would be even stronger. Of course, NORG’s invasion was not my plan at all, though it seems to have helped her as well. Any questions?”

I turned to Riku numbly. “You…didn’t trust me?” I asked, scared of the answer I might get. He refused to look me in the eye as he responded. “I did trust you; it’s just that I wanted you to…gain confidence.” I walked over to him slowly. “That’s…a lie. It’s a nice lie, and I would love to believe it. But it is still a lie. You thought I wasn’t – I couldn’t – you thought I was unable to…” I stopped, not able to say what I had to. I urged the words to take form, but Vivi was standing. “It isn’t a lie!” he piped up. “He loves you, right? And you don’t have any confidence, so it’s all for the best. Why are you so annoyed? Don’t you realise-”

“Sit down!” I shouted, not looking at him. “This doesn’t involve you, just like our conversation earlier didn’t involve you! Stop poking into our business and acting like you know everything when you don’t! And stop thinking that you can say whatever you want and nobody will mind!” I was relieved to see that he did sit down. I was still watching Riku, and he finally looked up. But he dropped his eyes again within seconds. “If it was all innocent; if you did do it for my sake…why can’t you look at me?” I asked quietly. He shook his head, but didn’t speak. “Look at me!” I commanded.

Slowly, painfully so, Riku lifted his head again. Vivi stood up again, but I threw him a filthy look and he sank to the bench once more. I looked back at Riku to see his beautifully green eyes watering, and sat beside him. “Why are you almost crying?” He blinked. “Because I love you. And right now, I’m not sure-” My heart seemed to stop. Please don’t say ‘why’ - Please don’t say ‘why’ - Please don’t say ‘why’ - Please don’t say ‘why’, my brain begged. “I’m not sure that you love me too,” he finished, his voice barely above a whisper. I laughed with relief, but when I saw how grief-stricken his reaction was, I stopped immediately. “I…Of course I love you!” I burst out. “I love you so much! Every second is spent filled with thoughts of you, every breath I take is only possible because you are breathing beside me, every dream I have is that we can stay together all our lives. I just…I’m not so good at – at – well, at showing it.” I fell silent, biting my lip nervously.

Dr. Kadowaki spoke angrily. “I’m not sure now is the time!” I closed my own eyes now, as Riku replied hurriedly. “Yes, of course, I am so sorry. Please continue,” he said courteously. I thought she was being rather rude, interrupting like that, but Riku remained polite.

Dr. Kadowaki began talking again. “Let me make things clear. Riku loves you Haru, this is why he called for me. He needed you to be stronger because he knew that one day he would be unable to protect you. This scared him more than you know, when he visited me he was nearly in tears, and as you know, Riku does not cry easily. And then, when Gildas died, in your grief you forgot to finish off Sephiroth. So, when-” The doors to the hall burst open. Standing, bathed in moonlight, his hair ruffled and his robes scruffy, was Zexion.

“You absolute WITCH!” Zexion shouted, raging in. “How DARE you!” Haru looked confused. “Zexion, what are you-” Zexion interrupted. “I found him! I found Sephiroth after a long and painful search, I had to teleport myself underground and follow the magical residue that he left behind and what did I get for my efforts? I found Sephiroth, DEAD on the cavern floor! In his hand was a note, some sick humour about Death Tablets prescribed by none other than a Dr. Kadowaki of Balamb Garden! I searched SO LONG to find him, to kill him, and YOU killed him FIRST!” Zexion was walking swiftly up to the Doctor and Freya stood, blocking his path.

“Zexion, you don’t understand. Dr. Kadowaki was-” Zexion pushed her aside, and she hit the floor hard. Zexion wouldn’t hit a girl, right? Wrong. He walked up and slapped Dr. Kadowaki as hard as he could, and she stumbled, also hitting the floor. “I’m sick of people like you! Always the vigilantes, always the people trying for the greater good! It was HIS fault Gildas is dead and YOU robbed me of my revenge! I’ve had it with you!” Zexion threw his hand out – and no-one expected what was to come. “HOLY!” He shouted, a blast of pure white light erupting from his hand, and pierced the woman’s heart. I gasped. Squall’s eyes widened in shock. Dr. Kadowaki stood up, brushing her robes, as Freya fell to the floor, dying to save a lady she barely knew.

I watched, stunned, as Freya tumbled down through the air. The crash that followed seemed deafening in the otherwise silent hall. I rushed over to her, but Vivi was there first. He squeezed her hand tightly, constantly talking. “It’ll be okay, everything’s alright, Freya.” I scrambled round to her other side. “Curaga, curaga! Come on already, curaga!” Why wasn’t it working? I tried one more, desperate time, before Freya spoke. “Do not trouble yourself. I am happy to have saved the Doctor, and now I am allowed a reprieve. I shall find Sir Fratley in the next life, and Zidane and Her Majesty, Garnet. Think on this as a pardon for my…old sins.” Vivi shook his head, making his hat fly from his head. “No, don’t go! Don’t leave me alone!” he sobbed uncontrollably. Freya simply smiled calmly as a flash of bright, white light erupted in her vividly green eyes. Her head fell to the side.

I stood up quickly, looking at Dr. Kadowaki. She seemed totally unfazed by the whole incident. As I was about to say something, a loud yell burst out behind me, and I turned to see Vivi launch himself at Zexion. He was pummelling every part of Zexion that he could reach (namely, his shins and knees) desperately. Riku strode over quickly and pulled him away, sitting him down on the bench. “He killed her! She was my last friend and he just wiped her out!” he wailed as Riku tried desperately to calm him. Squall was in a corner, rocking wildly. I looked up at Zexion. Something had dulled his bright eyes, his hair lay totally flat, and he seemed to have deflated.

Unsure of what to say to him, I went to walk over to him. But seeing me coming, he clicked his shaking fingers, just once, and faded away into black dust that floated away. Instead, I stood with Riku and Vivi. “…He teleported,” I said nervously. “That coward! He must have gotten scared!” bellowed Vivi, snatching his hat out of Riku’s hand and looking around. “Doctor!” he shouted crazily. She looked up slowly, a lazy smile playing on her lips. “Yes?” Her voice was calm and easy.

How could she be so heartless? “What are you going to do about this?” Dr. Kadowaki shook her head slightly. “I’m sorry, what do you mean?” I picked up my hat, putting it back on my head as I answered her. “This! All this! Every student is dead apart from Zell and Squall, and now, because of you, so is Freya. What are you going to do about it?” She frowned slightly.

“I’m not going to do a thing, Vivi. I have my potions, I have my panaceas, and I have my records. I’ll stay here and continue my research.” I gaped at her. She wasn’t even going to… to clear things up? Just… stay here? “Forget it. I… I can’t let hate take over. I knew an old man once, his daughter died to protect the guy she loved and the old man was consumed by hate. He learned the ultimate spell, Meteor, and used it in vengeance. It killed him. I can’t have that happen to me.” I turned to Haru, who was standing still, and Riku, who looked blank. “Come on. We have to find Zexion. Where would he be?” Haru simply muttered an answer. “Castle Oblivion…” I nodded, that was enough. I walked over to Squall, and hugged his side. “Come on, Squall. It’s time to go. Let’s leave these bad memories behind, okay? Come on, that’s it, easy does it.”

I lagged behind Vivi and Squall, walking with Riku. “He doesn’t know, does he?” I whispered nervously. Riku shook his head. “What do we do? Namine isn’t there this time! What if – what if we lose our memories, and she isn’t there to put them back together?” He smiled at me warmly. “Namine was the one taking them apart in the first place, remember? Calm down.” I looked up into his face. “I just…I don’t wanna forget again. I forgot you once before, you know? And…I don’t think I could do it again.” Riku squeezed my hand bracingly. “You won’t forget me; I won’t let you.” I chuckled quietly, and rested my head on his shoulder. Suddenly, I felt very tired.

“When this is all over…do we have to go back to being king and queen?” I asked timidly. Riku stared at the floor. “I hope not,” he muttered, “Can we just ask Artania to do it instead?” I was astonished. “I thought you liked it!” He shook his head. “I wanna be free, Haru.” I straightened up. “I never thought I’d say this, but we have to go back! We can’t just give up; there are people depending on us returning. It is our duty to fulfil, since Gildas named us in his will.” Riku seemed confused. “But you hated it there.” He spoke slowly, as though suddenly I had halved my brain cells.

“I know I did. But it’s about something bigger than me – and something bigger than you. It’s about a whole kingdom filled with people who need a strong leader, and we have to be that leader for them. They lost Gildas, and now you want to cut out on them? Run while we have a chance?” It was strange; I felt like a different person – someone more mature than I was normally. “We can’t ditch out on them. It’s our job. I expected you to laugh it off. I expected you to know that we need to go back. We…we can do anything together, right?” I smiled hopefully. Riku didn’t say anything, but he did smile in return; and we lapsed into a warm silence.

“So where is this Castle Oblivion place?” Vivi asked loudly, shaking us from our thoughts.

Haru began her explanation. “It’s a little… north of Twilight Town… I think? I think it is. I can’t remember perfectly.” She said hesitantly. What was wrong? She had… bad memories of the place, by the sounds of things. Oh well. I took Squall’s hand in my own, treating him like a three-year-old (which, emotionally, he was) and lead the group out of Balamb. I stopped at the entrance. “Ermm… guys? It’s still really late at night; do you wanna leave it till tomorrow? I think we all… need to rest for a bit…” Haru nodded, and Riku took her hand as we pulled out some sleeping bags, laying them at the front of the hall.

Haru and Riku slept side by side, peacefully in each other’s embrace. I remembered Zidane once asking me if I liked girls or not… of course I did, what wasn’t to like about girls? I still don’t know what he meant by that. I lay my sleeping bag next to Squall’s, I was sure he’d need someone to at least be there for him, to make sure he knew someone cared. I thought he might find it a little weird if I hugged him like Riku and Haru hugged, so I merely took his hand, and he squeezed mine back. It felt good to know that I could still help him through his troubles.

I didn’t sleep that night. Instead, I just watched Riku. His strong chest rose and fell with his gentle breathing, his eyes slightly open and reflecting the stars above. I traced his face in my mind, taking in every little detail and storing it somewhere safe. His deep, green eyes – which had tiny flecks of blue when you looked really closely – and his gentle but firm hands, and his soft, silver hair framing his pale face. His lips, which were soft and full, and his arms, which fit around me perfectly. I took in every single part of him several times, before sighing. Honestly, I was terrified. If Riku forgot me…I know he said that Namine couldn’t do that anymore, but…I didn’t trust that Organization XIII, especially not after Demyx.

I felt Riku’s hand slip back into mine. “I won’t forget you, I promise,” Riku whispered sleepily. I laughed quietly. “How do you always know-” Riku spoke before I had finished. “What you’re about to say?” he mumbled, “It’s a skill.” I smiled contentedly, but then I worried again. “And what if-” Riku shook his head. “I won’t let you forget me, either.” I snuggled further into Riku, finally totally calm. But I still didn’t sleep, and neither did Riku. We just lay together under the indigo sky, and I felt comfortable. Riku’s arms were so safe that whenever I was wrapped in them, it seemed like home. No matter where I was.

I woke up just before sunrise. Noticing Squall was gone; I got up, put my hat back on, and walked out the entrance, noticing a figure sat on the steps. Squall didn’t move as I sat next to him, but continued to look as the sun began to rise. “Vivi… Do you… like me?” Squall asked with a lot of effort in those few words. “Of course I like you Squall, don’t be silly. You’re great. I wish I was as strong as you. Since Quistis… I feel like I should be here for you, to help you.” Squall shook his head a little, smiling for the first time in a long time. “That’s not what I meant.” I looked confusedly at him. “Well, what did you mean? What’s not to like about you? You’re strong, good-looking, caring, kind… You’re great.” Squall smiled more. “You’re… still a kid… don’t understand.” He was right. I didn’t understand at all.

Haru and Riku got up about an hour later (or at least, that’s what it felt like). I stood up from the stairs, brushed my clothes down and adjusted my hat before walking over and saying good morning to them. “I’m really sorry, but I didn’t pack an y food…” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, Haru’s stomach rumbled. It looked like we’d have to catch some Bandersnatch or something soon.

I felt the hollow rumbling in my stomach and cringed. I hated it when that happened! But I was hungry…Squall offered to go and hunt something to eat, and we watched him walk away silently. “Do you reckon this is how he used to be? All quiet and moody and mysterious…” I joked. Riku shrugged. “Maybe.” Vivi looked up at us. “I think so. He seems too comfortable in it for this to be a new way for him.” I nodded at his words, but couldn’t help thinking back to some of the things he said yesterday. It was a little awkward, to say the least.

“So, Castle Oblivion!” Vivi laughed. “What’s it like there?” he asked loudly. Riku looked at me and that was when I remembered that he hadn’t actually gone inside. Only Namine, Gildas and I had…”Well…” I thought back. “It’s all white, but it’s a really bright, clean white. It gives you a headache to look at! And every floor looks exactly the same – it gets really confusing. Oh, and not all the doors are real. Some of them are just fake doors to confuse you even more. It’s where Organization XIII lives – like Zexion – but most of them aren’t as nice as Zexion.” Vivi nodded. He seemed to expect more than that, so I just shrugged. He nodded again. “Look!” Riku pointed to something on the horizon and I squinted around the sun. It was Squall, with a giant lump on his back. I started a fire, and it was crackling happily by the time Squall reached us.

Squall dropped the bloody Bandersnatch carcass in front of me proudly as Vivi congratulated him. I looked at the meat in front of me, and then stepped over it delicately. It was only then that I spotted Squall looking at me expectantly. He gestured to the meat, and I realised he expected me to prepare it. “Umm, no? I can’t cook! What, you thought that just because I’m a girl that means I’m suddenly a gourmet chef? I’ve exploded rice before.” Riku was trying not to laugh behind me. “…So who is going to cook it then?” Vivi asked.

I looked at the Bandersnatch in front of us. How Squall managed to carry it on his back, I’ll never know, as it was nearly twice his size in bulk. I thought back. “Once… When a group of us were travelling a place called the Outer Continent, we met a girl called Eiko. I watched her cook… it can’t be too hard?” Haru looked at me. “You have no idea, Vivi.” I shrugged. “Quina also told me a few things. Cast Float for me, would you?” Haru nodded and cast the spell. I cast Fire on the ground beneath it, and mentally adjusted the temperature to the right amount. “Quina once cooked us an Ochu, which is almost twice the size of this. Not that tasty, I didn’t like it. Quina cooked it at 375 degrees for 30 minutes… so I guess, half the size, it’ll need 30 minutes at 187 degrees?” Haru looked at me, shocked. “I guess so.” I raised the temperature a little. “That should do it.”

We all waited patiently as the white skin of the Bandersnatch turned a crisp golden brown. When the thirty minutes were up, Squall carved out several parts and handed us a part each. He smiled as he served Riku and Haru, but as he came to me he blushed a little bit (and gave me more, which I didn’t turn down. Bandersnatch is really good!). Soon we were all happily eating, and the sun burned brightly overhead. “You know… I feel bad for hitting Zexion. He didn’t know about Dr. Kadowaki at all… he just got mad. I shouldn’t have hurt him.” Haru frowned a little, and Squall chewed a little slower. We ate the rest of our meal in silence, and when we were done, I incinerated the Bandersnatch bones with a quick Firaga (noting the look of surprise on Haru’s face) and we started walking, but Haru stopped. “Why are we walking?” I looked confusedly up at her. Surely she hadn’t forgotten? “I mean, I can use Teleport, right? So why don’t I just do that?” I nodded, before turning my head and scowling at a nearby tree. I hadn’t thought of that.

We all joined hands and held on tight (a little too tight in Squall’s case, is he really that worried? He was squeezing my hand quite a bit) as Haru cast the spell. I closed my eyes, feeling slightly stretched as the spell took place, and within seconds everything was normal again. Haru, Riku and Squall all let go of each other’s hands, and Squall stood there, not realising why Haru and Riku were giggling. Looking down at me, he noticed he was still holding my hand, and yanked his back before blushing. “Just… making sure… you were okay.” He said, stretching his collar a little. He really can be thoughtful, sometimes. I looked around, and noticed we were in the Throne Room of Lindblum castle. “From here, we can take an Airship to Twilight Town.” Haru cocked her head to the side. “You know, the regency of Lindblum have their own private airship…”

It had felt strange to use Teleport for the first time. I hadn’t really known what to do at first, and just concentrated really hard on the Throne Room while saying ‘Teleport’. I was surprised to see that it had actually worked! Riku and I took the lead on the way to the airship docks, but I kept throwing concerned looks back at Squall and Vivi, who were holding hands again. Did Squall realise that Vivi was too young to understand? Did Vivi realise that Squall was so distraught over Seifer and now Quistis and his friends that he had become over-emotional and got attached easily? I was worried about them, until Riku whispered in my ear. “Don’t worry; Vivi’s totally clueless. Nothing’s going to happen for a few years – at least.” I nodded happily, and kept walking.

In the airship dock, I heard Vivi and Squall gasp loudly and grinned slightly. I loved the effect that this place had on people. And yet it held the same enchantment to me as it did when I first stepped in here. The high ceilings seemed to fade away, and there were always busy, bustling stories being made. The airships looked like something out of a fantasy, and it enthralled me to sit and watch them take shape. The workers were always friendly, and welcomed a chat from me. There was no time for any of that today, though. Vivi seemed keen to press on, no matter how anxious I felt.

I led the group over to my favourite airship as Riku spoke to a commander about commissioning a crew, and we were in the air before long. Squall sat bunched up on the floor at Vivi’s feet, who was looking through the windows of the cabin. Riku was near the pilot, giving her directions. I decided to leave them all to it, and wandered up to the top deck. The wind was speeding over us, and I was pushed from side to side by strong gusts, laughing happily. I hung over the edge of the railings, watching hills and countryside and little villages fly past, and couldn’t help but grin ecstatically. Oh, how I loved to fly.

As Haru smiled broadly, I couldn’t stop my own smiles. It had been a while since I’d flown like this, and I was so glad to be doing it again. As Riku and Haru stood enjoying the flight, the wind whipping through their hair, Squall stayed by my side as I leaned over the railings. The ground looked so small, and yet I didn’t feel high up. I felt Squall’s hands grab at my stomach, and I was instantly glad he did, a second later I lost my grip and would have tumbled off the side if it wasn’t for him. I pulled back, shakily, and hugged his knees. Blushing a little, he let me go. He was blushing a lot, lately.

Haru came over and pulled me to the back of the airship as Riku walked over to talk to Squall. “You know, Vivi, maybe you shouldn’t be so careful about Squall. He can take care of himself, you know!” She said with a smile and a laugh. I frowned slightly. “He’s much more sensitive than you know, Haru. He just needs someone to support him. Since Quistis isn’t here anymore, I have to be that person.” Haru frowned and looked away. “You don’t understand love, do you, Vivi?” I scuffed the floor slightly as I walked away. “No, Haru, I don’t.”

I watched Vivi walk away, chewing on my thoughts. I wondered about his answer; did he seriously not realize why Squall was so friendly around him? ‘No Haru, I don’t,’ he had said. But then, neither did I. I looked over at Riku, who was leaning over the edge of the airship again since Squall had followed Vivi hastily. He was smiling broadly, his eyes dancing in delight, and I ran over to him. “Hey!” he shouted, to be heard over the strong winds. I laughed, and yelled back, “Hi!” He took my hand, and we stood together silently, happily, letting the world pass us by – quite literally.

Suddenly, there was a loud crashing sound that pulled us back to reality. Riku pushed me sideways. “Get inside, quickly!” he bellowed, his face twisted in concern and worry. I started to stumble down the airship’s deck; the ship was rocking wildly, and it was hard to plant my feet firmly anywhere. I felt Riku’s hand in my own still, and was glad to know he was always there. Everything seemed to be shaking and unsteady now, everything was blurring as the airship gained speed. Vivi’s yellow eyes blinked out from the door to the cabin ahead of us. “Captain says there’s engine trouble. You need to come inside right away,” Squall grunted from behind Vivi. I nodded, and kept concentrating on getting over to them, my free hand gripping the railing tightly.

Smoke was billowing out around us everywhere; black and poisonous, it reared up the sides of the ship and darkened the sky. I felt Riku’s grip on my hand weaken, and tightened my own vice-like fingers in response. But I didn’t dare to look back at him; I had to focus on getting inside first. The ship was sinking jarringly now, and the knocks kept forcing me to stop and wait for a few milliseconds. My heart was pounding against my ribs and my lungs were fighting for breath. I fixed my eyes on Vivi’s lamp-like eyes as a point to get to – the only constant in the trembling space around us – until I saw Squall drag him downstairs. We were alone now.

I gave up. There was no way I could reach the steps in time; we were just going to have to fight it out. That was when I finally looked back at Riku. He looked as drained as I felt, but kept pulling along the railing. I shook my head obviously, but he just blinked at me, and pulled his hand from my grip. As he stumbled further away, I tried to catch up with him, but a sudden knock pushed me to my feet. Was I going to be all alone? I called Riku’s name desperately, once, twice, three times…but the words were snatched away by the gathering speed. He had reached the door now, but rather than jumping through it, he closed it firmly, bolting it shut. I was stunned. He had decided to help the others even though we might be about to die. That was the first time I even entertained the idea that it might happen…

The airship was in full descent now, and the earth was rushing up to meet us. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the crash, but next thing I knew there was something soft on top of me. I peered up to see that Riku had flung himself over me, and I threw my arms around him. He did the same. The roaring in my ears had become deafening now, but all that mattered was that I could be close to Riku in my final moments. “I love you!” I practically hollered at him. His green eyes locked on to mine with something like…longing? Or was it sadness? “I love you too,” he mouthed – unless the crashes had simply drowned out his gentle, caring voice. I smiled, and we shared a final kiss.

I turned around in horror as the door slammed shut behind me, launching myself at the wheel and trying to reverse the damage, but Riku was too strong. In seconds, he had shut, bolted and locked the cabin door. “NO!” I screamed, and threw myself against the hard metal, the airship shaking around me. The captain, too busy to stop me, simply shouted “Get him away from there!” And Squall rushed forwards, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me from the door, into a tight, loving hug. Companionship… caring… maybe this was Love.

I woke up several hours later, in the dead of night. Opening my eyes, I saw nothing but blackness and… white fur? A steady heart beat… I couldn’t place it. Focusing my powers, I scanned the mental signatures around me… Squall. Squall was the one who’s heart was beating. Someone was worrying about the airship, another about the regency… Neither mentioned the names of Haru and Riku. I focused harder… “Queen Haru is…. Where is King..?” Mental images of Haru and Riku popped up on their crowning day. This was the captain thinking. I checked harder. No signs of love, other than the one next to me. I couldn’t find them. As I stood up, waking Squall as I jumped off his chest, I looked around at the blazing wreckage of Her Majesty’s Pride and Joy, the Silver Crescent, I felt no mental signature of Riku or Haru. They… were gone…

I dropped to the ground and Squall crawled up beside me. “What’s wrong?” He asked me, in a worried tone of voice. I tried to keep my voice calm, but I couldn’t hide the breaks. “Haru and Riku… they’re gone… I can’t find them anywhere…” A single, crystalline tear ran down my cheek and Squall held his hand up and wiped it from my face. Then he did something weird. He leant in close, and put his lips on my cheek. There was some weird sound and he pulled back, blushing more than ever before. Riku had done it to Haru lots of times. Was this a “Kiss”?

As the night wore on, I realised how tired I was. Soon enough, I couldn’t keep my eyes open, so I lay my head on the grass and closed my eyes. A few moments later, I felt someone’s arms around me, and that heartbeat I felt before. Thinking back to the last thing Haru had said to me, I began to wonder… What exactly was love? Was it a need to prove yourself, like Haru, or a need to protect, like Riku, or… a need for affection, like Squall? Was it a need for attention, as Zidane once showed me, or a need for self-destruction, as Freya had proved? Or was it all these things and more, rolled into one? I decided to ask Squall when I woke up.

But when we woke up, I forgot completely. I opened my eyes and looked around, before shutting them quickly. It was far too bright, too white, so perfectly, clinically white. I tried to open my eyes again, but I couldn’t. I had no choice. “Blind!” I cast upon myself, and everything took a black hue. But, to my expectation, I could still see. I stood up, Squall still sleeping by my side, and looked around. Many doors lined the walls. Marble sculptures of flowers lined the corridor. I cast Blind on Squall, woke him, and he too looked around, voicing the thoughts in my own head. “Castle Oblivion…”

I took Squall’s hand, enjoying the familiarity it brought, and pulled him to a large, golden doorway. I put my hand to the door and checked the room for mental signatures. “GO AWAY!” I stumbled back, Squall catching me. Someone was in this next room, and they didn’t want me here. Fixing my other hand on my Oak Staff, I opened the door. The next room was also purest white, exactly the same as the one before, except for one detail. There, in the middle of the room was Zexion, hugging his knees tightly. He looked up; his tear-stained face fixed with pure sorrow, and started rocking back and forth. I walked over and next to him. “I thought I told you to go away.” I nodded. “You did, but we need your help. Haru and Riku are gone… and now you’re the only person who can rule Lindblum.”

Zexion looked up at me then and his eyes brimmed with tears. “Haru, too?” I nodded. Zexion dissolved into sobs, and I put my hand on his back, noticing Squall twitch as I did so. “We need you now, Zexion. The public need you. Please… do this for Gildas.” I knew it was unfair of me to say this, but Lindblum needed Zexion now. Zexion looked back to me, and nodded shakily. “Okay… for him…” Squall reached down and held his shoulder, and as he did so, Zexion clicked his fingers. For a second, all I could see was darkness. Then we were outside, in a field of barley. Zexion stood up, and looked at me, focusing for a second. My Blind spell disappeared, and I smiled at him. Squall’s was gone too. Zexion looked at the grass and his eyes began to quiver again. “What’s wrong?” I asked, and he just glared at me.

“You want to know what’s wrong? Why don’t you just probe my mind, like we all know you can! Why don’t you just read my secrets like words on a page, and get it over with!” Squall stepped forwards, but I stopped him. “You want me to? Fine.” I focused my energies as the sun began to set, casting a flaming glow upon the sky. Scanning the nearby mental signatures, I found Zexion’s and- “VIVI!” Wait, what? “VIVI!” Someone was signalling me. Zexion looked confused. I tried again. “VIVI!” I span around. Somewhere over… there! A tall oak tree stood at the top of the hill, set ablaze by the orange glow of the sunset. I saw a figure standing there, waving an arm, and another, taller figure beside it. The figures began running towards me, and soon I didn’t need to read minds to know them. I ran forwards, my arms outstretched, and ran into Haru’s arms. “I thought you were dead!” I cried, and Squall, Zexion and Riku joined us. “I thought you were dead!”

I was so glad to see Vivi, Squall and Zexion that I couldn’t stop laughing as we ran towards them. As I squeezed Vivi in a tight hug, he said, “I thought you were dead!” I let go of him and stepped back, smiling at Riku. “So did I,” I replied. We set up a small fire – as the sun was rapidly sliding out of view behind a hill – and sat around it in a tight circle companionably. Everyone had been chattering happily, but as the darkness surrounded us but for the warm ball of light cast by the flames, all conversation petered out. “So…what happened then?” I looked at Vivi through the fire, and thought back. “Well…” I began, probing my hazy memories.

“We were on the top deck of the airship, and you guys were locked below deck.” I had been…resigned to death. Not happy about it, but I wasn’t sad, or even slightly scared. I think it was because I wasn’t alone; Riku’s presence had calmed me. We could go together. “I think we both thought that we were going to die,” and here Riku nodded in agreement before I continued. “Everything was shaking and falling, and then…it just stopped.” There had been a massive explosion, bigger than any so far, but following that, everything was quiet. The crackle of the flames seemed distant, and I couldn’t hear people screaming or shouting anymore. I put it down to death, but I still gripped onto Riku with all my energy. My eyes were shut again, so I didn’t know whether or not I could actually see. I didn’t really care, to be honest.

“Eventually, I felt Riku shaking me, and looked around. We were in a forest, just over…” I scanned the horizon, and pointed it out, “there.” Riku said we must have been thrown from the airship from the crash. I was aching all over, so I started to use Cure. That was when I had noticed Riku; he hadn’t stood up and instead was lying on the grassy, muddy floor, panting heavily. He had taken the worst of the impact to protect me! I knelt next to him guiltily, and saw that his face had lost all its colour. His arms and legs were limp when I tested them, and his eyes had been sapped of their sparkle. He could barely move. ‘Oh no, oh no, oh no,’ I had muttered continuously, certain I would not be able to heal him. But I tried my hardest. He looked a little better when I had finished, and could move properly again, but he couldn’t support himself on his own legs. I had gone to try healing him some more, but I just couldn’t do it. “All my magic had been used up and I would have to wait for it to restore before I could do anything else. “

“We knew that the forest might not be safe, so we decided to find a more open space. There, we were going to rest up until I could use Teleport to get us back to Lindblum. From Lindblum we could send soldiers out to Castle Oblivion to search for you to tell you that we were here.” I had supported Riku, who was still unable to walk, as we trekked through the dense forest in the direction of the most light. He winced with every jarring step I took, making my guilt flare up each time, but I had no choice but to keep going. “It took a long time, but eventually we emerged into this field, and I guessed it was maybe mid-afternoon.” The sun had been warm on my face after the cool forest, but I couldn’t relax yet.

I took Riku under the shelter of the oak tree and sat him down to rest for a while. After checking the horizon for any potential problems or other people, I joined him and took his hand. ‘I’m sorry,’ I had whispered, but he looked at me curiously. ‘You do so much to protect me, but I can’t help you at all.’ He shook his head, but looked suspiciously queasy afterwards. I straightened him up and conjured a small ball of water to drink. That way, I knew my magic had been restored a little, and I began to heal Riku a little more. He looked a lot better than he had to begin with, but he still wasn’t himself.

Riku lay back, gazing into the sky. I watched him as he watched the clouds, glad that I could just be with him. He noticed me staring at him, and pulled me down beside him, laughing his beautiful, cheery laugh. I wanted to live in his heart. I had missed being this way with Riku. ‘…Let’s go back to a simple life after this. No more adventures, no more emotional attachments to anything but each other. Okay?’ I asked. Riku smiled wider, and nodded. ‘Sounds good to me,’ he chucked lightly, kissing me softly, romantically, lingeringly. And then…

“…So we just waited under the tree for a while. We didn’t do anything at all, just waited. And then you guys showed up. Uh-huh.” I rushed through my words, blushing furiously as I finished our story with a tone that invited no questions. I could see Zexion peering at me with a funny look on his face through his hair, so I busied myself stoking the fire, wishing the burning in my cheeks would go away. I could feel it! Riku laughed a little, stroking the palm of my hand. It was ticklish, and I couldn’t control the giggle that slipped out. So I jumped on him in return, pinning him to the ground and sitting on him, grinning triumphantly.

I thought I had won, but Riku seized me round the waist and lifted me up above him. I poked at his elbows so they folded, and I landed on him, my eyes locked on his, my fingers tied into his, my heart beating for his. I smiled gently, mirrored in his face, and was just about to kiss him when a dry sob shook me. I looked up, stunned, to see Zexion wiping tears away with his robes. Considering Gildas, I clapped a hand to my mouth and clambered off of Riku, horrified. “I am so sorry, Zexion!” He shook his head, and jumped to his feet before running off. I watched him go, and looked at Riku in anguish. He shrugged, and crossed his legs, pulling me down to sit on his lap. Zexion was nearly out of sight and I fretted about him anxiously. He only just lost his one true love, and here I was flaunting my husband in front of him. “Maybe I should go apologise,” I breathed. Riku rested his chin on my shoulder. “Forget about it. He has to move on at some point; Gildas would have hated to see him moping about.” I tried to stand up, but Riku tightened his grip on me.

Vivi jumped to his feet. “I’ll go instead,” he said, and scurried off. Squall watched him as he ran off, a wistful expression on his face. A sudden exhaustion came over me, and I let my head flop down onto Riku’s to sleep. It came easier than normal, and I could stop thinking about everything…stop worrying about Zexion – and Vivi and Squall. Finally, some peace…

I couldn’t hide my smiles, though I should have as I walked over to Zexion. As I sat down beside him, however, I sobered up. “I’m not going to say I understand. We both know I don’t. But…I want to. I want to know what this is… this… Love…” Zexion shook his head vigorously. “No Vivi, you don’t. You really don’t. It hurts so much… And it’s not like it’s temporary either. It’s not like I can just wake up tomorrow and see him in the streets. It’s not like I can wake up tomorrow held tight in his arms, and see him smiling back at me. It’s not like I can feel his lips pressed against my own, his heart beating close to mine… I can’t even talk to him anymore. He was my life, my soul, and now, he’s gone. You don’t want to understand, Vivi.”

I frowned slightly. “No, I think I do. I want to know what love feels like, even if it hurts. You were happy before, right? So surely it has good points too. It must be like… warm ice cream. Yes? Warm ice cream! Tasty as ever, but not good because it’s melting.” Zexion smiled slightly. “And then, when you eat the warm ice cream,” I continued, “It’s so nice as it runs down your throat, but if it’s still a little cold then you get a Brain Freeze, and-“ Zexion giggled, smiling up into the sky. “I knew it! I’m right, aren’t I? Love is…Warm Ice Cream!” Zexion shook his head. “You’re still young, Vivi. Warm Ice Cream is okay for now, but soon it will be Tight Underwear, and then it will be Study Work, and then you’ll truly fall in love for the first time, and you’ll feel so nervous, and then he… or she… will love you back, and you’ll feel like flying, and then something will go wrong and you’ll want to crawl into a hole and never come out. And then, just to make things worse, you’ll fall in love again. It never ends, Vivi, it never ends.”

I frowned again. Zexion really was upset and he was obviously in a lot of emotional pain. I still didn’t quite understand how Warm Ice Cream and Tight Underwear were the same, but it didn’t matter. I patted him on the back and stood up. “I’m gonna go back now, okay? I’ll let you be alone for a while.” Zexion nodded, and mouthed “Thank you.” I walked back to the group, and Squall immediately leapt to my side. “I need… to talk… with you…” He said. I nodded, and we walked away, Haru and Riku looking at each other in funny ways. Squall pulled me to another part of the field where we wouldn’t be overheard, and sat down. I sat down too.

“I… need to… tell you something…” I nodded, and sat patiently. I think I knew what was coming, but it still didn’t sink in until the words left his lips. “Vivi… You’re a lot younger than me… But I haven’t felt like this in a long time… I think I… love you, Vivi…” I looked at him and frowned slightly. “You do?” He nodded. “…Oh…” Squall looked a little hurt. “Oh? What do you mean… oh?” I tilted my head to the side. “I don’t really know what love is… or what it feels like. I don’t know… what to say?” Squall frowned at me. “Okay…” I knew I’d said something wrong. “I mean, I’m glad you love me… I think… It’s just, I’m still a kid, and I don’t know what it feels to truly love someone, and-" I was cut short. Squall had placed his lips on mine and I could feel him breathing gently into me. “Just… Stay with me.” My cheeks felt like they were on fire, and Squall giggled as he pulled away. Was I… blushing?

I was still a kid. I mean, I’d grown a bit in height since Zidane first met me, and I’d matured a lot mentally. I just never matured emotionally. I knew it wouldn’t be long until that happened, I just had to wait a little. I started to think more about Love, and when Squall’s lips on mine popped into my head, my stomach felt all quivery and my heartbeat quickened. Was that Love? Or was it the opposite? I didn’t know. I decided to ask Zexion when he was happier. Squall and I walked back to Riku and Haru, and he ran his hand into mine as we walked. Haru looked a little concerned, and by making a quick mind-check I found that she saw Squall… kiss me, is that what he did? That’s a kiss? Okay. But she saw him do it. And that worried her for some reason. We all gathered together and began to discuss what we were going to do next.

“I think we should head back to Lindblum,” I said uncomfortably. “We’ve done what we wanted to do when we left. And…” I wasn’t about to say it, but I had grown up now. I knew that I couldn’t give up on ruling Lindblum now; it was my duty. And I didn’t mind that anymore. To my left, Riku nodded and slipped his hand in mine. However, Vivi protested. “I don’t want to! Please don’t go, I’ve been having so much…well, I’ve had fun,” he said, looking a little embarrassed. “It felt like…like old times, with Zidane and everyone. I had friends again, and I…well, I felt like I belonged somewhere again. And I had a purpose.” I looked at the floor, suddenly unnerved. It was one of those painfully true things that Vivi said; the sort of thing that everyone thinks but there’s an unspoken rule against saying.

“I don’t want to return to Lindblum, either,” sniffed Zexion. “I didn’t get my revenge…something’s still missing…I’m not ready to give up yet.” Riku sighed. “But what else is there you can do, Zexion? There isn’t any way that you will lose that gaping hole in your heart. When you lose the one you love, you can’t stop the hurting. You will feel better – but you have to give up on your notions of revenge. It isn’t healthy.” Zexion looked mutinous, as though he was about to argue back with a sniping remark, but I cut him off. “So what are we going to do? How about we go back to Lindblum for the time being – all of us? That way Vivi, we can still spend time together. And Zexion, you can do whatever you need to do to find peace. I will personally do anything I can to help. Then, if anything comes up, we can deal with it as a group.” I was trying my hardest to come to a compromise, but nobody looked particularly happy about it.

I looked over at Zexion, who was a mix of emotions. I saw anger, hatred, love, passion, disgust, self-loathing – everything you can think of. Haru was a little tired, so we decided to postpone our Teleportation till the morning. Squall was very unhappy when I said I wanted to talk to Zexion, but he let me go. I walked over, and sat beside him. “Zexion…can I ask you something?” He merely nodded, so I carried on my questioning. “You said… love happens all over again… who did you love before Gildas?”

Zexion’s eyes filled with both sadness and hatred as he started to speak. “He was an old colleague of mine. We worked together for a while, before he became too much of a megalomaniac and… things happened. He lied to me, about something he really shouldn’t have. I still don’t know what truly happened… but I told him that although I loved him, I didn’t feel comfortable dating him if he couldn’t tell me the truth. So… he broke up with me. It took me months to get over him, but eventually I did. Then I met Gildas, and my world was turned upside-down once more. They were so similar in every way; they even fought with the same weapon. But when Gildas needed help, I had no-one to go to but… him. He tried to seduce Gildas, and I could see it from Gildas’ face that he wasn’t happy at all. So I slapped him, not just for Gildas, but for all the pent-up emotion I had to deal with. Then, when he kissed Gildas, I turned him into a book.”

I looked confused, but Zexion continued his story. “After he became a book, I ripped out a few pages that Gildas would need and had another colleague of mine burn the rest. I only hope I caused him as much pain as he caused me.” Sensing that Zexion had finished, I said the first words that came to my head: “I’m sorry.” Zexion shook his head. “Don’t be. I’m over him now… it’s just Gildas that still hurts…” I left Zexion, who was beginning to get stronger with himself as he hadn’t cried through the story. When I walked back over to Squall, he seemed cold… unhappy. I sat next to him and put my head on his shoulder, as the night sky loomed above, full of stars. I fell asleep like this, and all I know is that when we woke up, my head was on Squall’s chest, his arm around me, and Haru was already awake. She looked a lot happier than last I saw her, but I couldn’t help but feel a little…sad… that our journeys would soon be ending.

I felt a lot more refreshed this morning, knowing that we would be going back to Lindblum soon. I didn’t want to be away anymore, I just wanted to settle down somewhere and make a home. But what I really wanted – more than anything else – was Riku. Just him and me and nobody else. And I knew that this would be possible – and soon, now that we were almost going home. My mood was obviously lighter; I busied myself preparing some fruits from the edge of the forest for breakfast and was humming to myself the whole time.

“Good morning,” whispered a voice in my ear, and I jumped, sending berries flying everywhere. I went to pick them up, but I felt a pair of strong hands around my waist pulling me backwards. I trusted them with all my weight until I was looking up at the sky and Riku kissed me gently. “Hi,” I said dreamily as he returned me to my feet. We both knelt down to gather up all the fallen food. I couldn’t stop grinning at him; this was how happy I was to be going back. This was my chance to finally find somewhere that could feel like a safe, warm, protective home. And it would be my home, and nobody else’s. No more pretending to be someone I’m not; no more pressure to do anything I don’t want to; no more.

I walked over to Haru and Riku, who were picking up some berries. I waved and moved to sit down, but I was bored of sitting on the grass. I decided that a log would be better, and flipped through my mental spellbook. “Fira.” I said, and used a finger to trace a pattern in the sky. The nearby oak tree split into pieces, the top and stump of the tree bursting to flames whilst the middle section flew swiftly in this direction, landing next to me with a dull “Thump!” I sat down on that, and looked around at Haru, who was smiling at me. “I never knew Fire magic could do that!”

Squall and Zexion woke soon after, and both inquired as to the log, but neither got a straight answer, only a giggle from me and a smile from Haru and Riku. As I giggled, Squall smiled, and his eyes lit up. Was that me? I don’t know. Either way, Haru was ready to Teleport again. I looked around at the field we were in, and thought back to all the people I’d lost recently… Freya, Zidane, Seifer, Dagger… They all meant a lot to me. But then, so did the other Black Mages; and I have stopped their production. I just had to learn to move on. I had before, I could do it again. With a heavy heart, and Squall’s hand in my own, I nodded at Haru. We all took each other’s hands, and closed our eyes, as Haru whispered the one word that would take me away from this serenity.

“Teleport.”

I blinked a few times to adjust to the sudden light, and saw we were back in the Lindblum Throne Room. Concealing a sigh of relief, I turned to Riku, my back automatically straight. “Darling, would you mind seeking out the Minister and informing him of our return? Thank you,” I said politely, and he nodded and left the room. I noticed Zexion giving a small nod of approval, but ignored it. “Vivi, Squall, you may stay for as long as you like. In fact, I would urge you to make Lindblum your new home; it has been…it has been good fun travelling with you for company. I can arrange for one or two of the guest rooms to be prepared as permanent residences for you both, if you would so wish?” Vivi looked at Squall and back at me, and nodded; just once. I smiled widely. “Very well; I shall ask that service of a guard very shortly. Shall we dine now?” There was a general murmur of agreement, and I sent a message to the kitchens to prepare a meal for five.

At breakfast, everyone seemed uncomfortable in the situation. “Please,” I said courteously, “act as you would in any other circumstances. We are all companions here, and I would not wish for you to be anyone other than yourself.” I remembered Gildas saying something similar once, long ago, and knew that it wouldn’t make much difference. We all fell silent for a while, and the only sounds were the gentle clattering and clinking of cutlery. “So,” Riku said after we had all finished. “What next? What are we all going to do now?”

I too looked up at Riku as he frowned slightly. Lots of frowning was happening lately, including one from Squall last night when he realised the Guest Room was a Twin Bed, not a Double. I didn’t know the difference, but he did, apparently. As Riku looked down, I knew there was bad news coming. He turned to me, however, with a new sense of vigour. “Vivi, would you like to stay as our Court Mage? We need someone to fill the position, and you would be the perfect candidate.” I smiled widely and giggled as I said I’d love it, and Riku then turned to Squall. “You’re welcome to stay, too. We need a Commander for our armies, as I can’t fill both roles; I’d like that to be you. We both would.” Squall smiled, and accepted.

“Zexion… I really hope that you want to stay, as our Chief Advisor? As you were before all this madness… please come back to us.” Zexion nodded, and a smile flickered across his face before he regained his gloomy gaze. Riku smiled at Haru, who squeezed his hand gently, and the staff came to take our plates and cutlery away. Zexion defied all the logical rules I’d considered and stood up first, and with a slightly waspish tone said “I’m heading back to my room. I don’t want any disturbances, thank you. Your Majesties.” He walked out, before anyone could protest. I began to worry slightly, but Squall grabbed my attention and shook his head slightly. “It’s… his way of… dealing with it.” I nodded. Squall had his own way of dealing with things, too.

I watched Zexion walk away anxiously – and even contemplated going after him. But, as Squall said, it was his way of dealing with it. I looked at Riku, who was gazing solemnly at the table. Catching his attention, I motioned for us to leave, and he nodded. “Thank you very much for your company this morning. We have a few affairs to cover in reference to our return. I can only imagine the amount of work that must have piled up whilst we were adventuring! So, if you will excuse us?” I asked. Vivi nodded, and Riku and I stood up and left.

Back in our bedroom, I dropped down onto the bed a little heavily. “What’s up?” Riku asked. I looked at him. “I’m just…so happy. I finally get the chance to be with you – it’s just us now. I’ve…missed this. More than I realised. So, coming back to it, I feel like I can finally appreciate what I have with you fully.” I stood up and slipped my hand into his. “See? It fits perfectly.” Riku nodded, and kissed my cheek softly. “But…” I whispered. Riku’s face grew tense, as though he had been expected something like this.

“I have to apologise.” Riku shook his head. “No!” he cried, “I won’t let you leave me! I love you; you can’t go. I won’t accept it.” Confused, I tried to speak, but stumbled over my own words and ended up laughing happily, out of relief. “I couldn’t ever leave you!” I spluttered. “So what’s the problem then?” he asked.

“…I haven’t treated you right. No, listen, I know I haven’t,” I said, cutting him off as he attempted to speak. “I love you so much. But I haven’t shown it as much as I should have done. There was…something stopping me. Nothing you’ve done! It’s just that…I feel like such a…nobody. I’m nothing special, I don’t matter. It’s true, I don’t!” For here he had tried to cut in again. “So I was…driven, I guess, by some sort of…need to prove myself. I wanted to be someone you could be proud to know, the way I’m proud to know you. I needed to know that I could be something, someone…so that I could know I deserved you. That feeling…it hasn’t gone away completely. But I’ve realised that I’m still young. There’s plenty of time for me to prove that I’m worthy of you yet.” Riku smiled. “But,” I began again. “There’s something else I realised. If I get caught up in proving myself…I’ll lose sight of what really matters in life.”

Riku frowned at me slightly. “So what does really matter in your life?” I smiled even more, and kissed his soft lips gently. “That answer your question?” His hands slipped through my hair. “…Not quite,” he murmured in my ear as he nibbled it gently. “Oh…well then I may just have to show you,” I laughed quietly, enjoying the way his fingers played over my waist softly. He nodded, and I stepped closer to him; so close that I could feel his warm breath on my neck. “Okay,” he whispered, his eyes burning with a new fire. I could feel my heart starting to race in a way it hadn’t for a long time, and I could hear Riku’s heart thumping quickly next to me. My smile grew again; I still got butterflies in my stomach from being around him, being this close to him…And what’s more, it was still fun, still exciting, still…just plain great.

I followed Squall back to the Guest Room, which really needed a new name now. When we got in, and Squall closed the door, I flopped down on my bed before realising I’d nearly missed something important. “Oh no!” I jumped off my bed and scrambled at the corner of the room, where my belongings had been placed (shipped first-class from Twilight Town) and pulled out a tape measure. Grabbing a piece of chalk, also from my cases, I stood against the wall and took off my hat, and drew the chalk across the wall on my head. I turned round, and frowned. The wall was white, the chalk hadn’t shown. Now I’d have to use a pencil instead.

So I grabbed a pencil and drew the line along the wall, grabbing my notepad and checking the dates. Yes, today was right. I used the tape measure to measure the distance from floor to line, and wrote down the measurements. I gasped. I’d grown three inches in the past year! I was finally growing! Squall came over and asked what I was doing. “Grandpa Quan always measured me on my birthday, and since he left two years ago, I’ve been doing it myself. I’ve grown three inches this year, I’m finally growing!” Squall smiled and picked up my hat, putting it on my head and crouching down. “It’s your birthday?” I nodded. “It’s never been special or anything; I just always got measured today. It’s a tradition.” Squall stroked my cheek. “Most people… get presents… on their birthday. You’ve never… got a present?”

I shook my head. “I don’t mind though, it doesn’t matter. I just need to make sure I measure myself.” Squall frowned a little and looked to the side. “Vivi… you know… how I feel about you. Do you… want a present… from me?” I thought about it. “What exactly is a present? It’s like a gift, right? Something you give to someone else?” Squall nodded. “Then, that thing you did last time, when you leaned in real close and touched my face, that’s called a kiss, isn’t it?” Squall nodded, smiling as if he thought it funny. “Then, if you want to give me a present, do I get to choose?” Again he nodded. “I want another one of those kiss things.” Squall blushed a little. “You…sure? Isn’t it… weird for you?” I nodded. “Very weird! But I like weird things!” Squall laughed a little, and leaned in, I closed my eyes as his lips brushed mine, then there was that weird sound again, and he pulled back. My stomach felt all quivery. I think I liked it. “Maybe… in a while… I could show you a real kiss.” I gasped. “That was fake? That’s not a real kiss? Tell me! What’s a real kiss like?” Squall laughed. “Come on! Tell me!” I jumped and grabbed hold of his chest. “Tell me! I wanna know! I’m curious!”

Squall wouldn’t tell me, so I decided to take a gamble and see what would happen if I threatened him with a spell. “I’ll cast Drain on you! Or Osmose! Or maybe I’ll cast Slow on you!” Squall just laughed more, and sat down on the bed beside me, while I jumped up to join him. “You… really want to know?” I nodded. “I can’t… take it back… once you know.” I nodded. “Just show me what a real kiss is like! I just wanna know!” I was about to continue ranting when Squall put his hand on my cheek, and leaned in again. Was he going to give me a real kiss this time? His lips touched mine, but opened and closed a few times. My stomach started quivering again, but I decided the best thing to do would be to try and copy what Squall was doing. I got the hang of it, after a few tries, and I felt quite pleased with myself afterwards. However long it was later, I couldn’t tell but Squall pulled back, blushing a deep red. “You know… what we just did?” I shook my head. “They… call it… making out. Ask Haru… or Riku about it.” Squall lay back on the bed and gazed at the ceiling, the late morning sun shining on him. I lay next to him, and tried to see what he was looking at, but I couldn’t see anything. Fake kissing, real kissing, blank ceilings… adults were weird.

I lay in bed lazily, my fingers tracing Riku’s outline slowly. His arm rested over my shoulders as he gazed up at the ceiling. As I watched his chest rise and fall gently, I couldn’t help but keep smiling, and rested my head on his ribcage. He chuckled softly, and moved his hand up to play with my hair. “…I sure hope that answered your question now. Because I’m not sure how else I could show you after that,” I said quietly. His light laugh trickled out, and he replied, “Most definitely answered any questions I ever had. But more than that.” I looked up at him curiously. “You proved that you most definitely deserve me,” he breathed. I cocked my head. “Well then, we won’t need to do that ever again,” I teased. Riku affected a look of mock horror, and then we relaxed again, stretching out across the bed.

As the sunlight trickling through the window began to dim, I sat up and yawned slightly. Riku followed suit before asking, “Where do you think you’re going?” I smiled at his slightly hurt tone of voice. “We are going to dine with the Minister tonight to catch up on everything we’ve missed. That way, we can be left alone for the whole night tonight.” Riku grinned in understanding, and didn’t try to stop me as I jumped out of bed and began pulling clothes on. “Come on!” I laughed, poking my head round the door of my wardrobe. Riku just looked at me. “Get out of bed!”

Riku still refused to move. “Make me,” he said, deliberate emphasis on each word. I smiled. “Okay, if that’s how you want to play it.” I began to walk to the door. “Hey! Where are you going?” Riku asked. I stopped moving, my hand resting on the door handle, and turned to face him. “I don’t ever want to make you do something you don’t want to do. So, I guess I’ll be going to dinner without you.” Riku hopped out of bed at that, as I knew he would, and within seconds was dressed and ready to go.

We walked through the familiar maze of Lindblum Castle together in a warm silence. At the dining room, however, I turned to Riku. “I’ll go get the Minister. You go into the dining room and I’ll meet you in there in a minute.” Riku shook his head, and insisted that he look for the Minister instead. I watched him walk away purposefully, and couldn’t stop the silly little giggle that escaped my mouth.

“I’m glad you’re happy,” came a dark voice behind me. I whirled around, acting braver than I felt. “What do you mean by that?” I commanded. A figure dressed all in black slumped out from behind a pillar, his face hidden in the gloom. “It’s the two month…anniversary today.” Obviously able to tell that I was still confused, he continued. “Of his death? How could you…how dare you forget?” I took a step forward. “Zexion, I am so sorry! I didn’t realise…I didn’t know what the date was today…I…Zexion, please, I’m sorry,” I whispered. For now I knew who the dark figure was. My body felt hollow and numb. How could I have forgotten what day it was today?

Zexion sloped away, stopping at my shoulder. “Watch out. This…inconsideration problem of yours…I would hate for Riku to find out about it…” he murmured in a cold voice. I watched him disappear round a corner before I started to shake. I had been so happy…Now all I felt was a cold, cruel guilt. And what did Zexion mean by his threat? I stumbled into the dining room and took my seat, still chilled. It wasn’t long before Riku and the Minister arrived, and I smiled warmly. “Minister Artania! It has been a long time. I know that I speak for my husband, as well, when I say we are truly grateful to you for the admirable way you took control over the past few weeks. We are in your debt,” I said gracefully, and the evening progressed with the Minister explaining every event in Lindblum of recent history. I fought to keep the tone light, but I was struggling against the chilling feeling still creeping through me.

Squall jolted up. “What is it?” I asked. “Dinner… it’ll be soon.” I nodded. “Enjoy it. I’m not really that hungry.” Squall looked over at me, concern blatant on his features. “I just… don’t eat too much. Normally I go with one meal per day, but lately it’s been rude not to eat with you guys. I’ll just apologise later, they won’t mind. I can’t really stomach too much food, Grandpa Quan said he found fulfilment without food, and I’ve found it too. It’s just a case of… mind over matter.” Squall took my hand, and shook his head. “Vivi, you’ve…got to eat. I… won’t let you miss dinner.” I frowned up at the ceiling, and said: “How are you gonna make me? You’re not my grandpa.” Squall leaned in and kissed my cheek, and I shivered slightly. “If you come to dinner… I’ll give you more of those.” I thought it over, and slid off the bed. “I guess one more meal can’t hurt…”

We walked down the corridors to the dining room, where Haru and Riku sat at the far end in a deep… but one-sided discussion with Minister Artania. As we walked over, Haru looked up and noticed us, beckoning us over. “Minister, if I may interrupt for a second, we’d like to introduce two new members of our community. Vivi here taught me everything I know, and so will be appointed our Court Magician, and Squall (the taller one) will be a perfect candidate for the Commander of our guard.” The Minister looked us over (or in my case, looked over us) and nodded. “Fine choices, your Majesties. When will they begin?” Haru looked over at us and smiled in a friendly fashion. “Whenever they wish.”

I sat through the rest of the meal as quietly as possible while still remaining friendly, and simply spoke when someone addressed a comment to me directly. I couldn’t get Zexion’s threat out of my head…I hadn’t totally understood what he meant by it; did he really think that he could get Riku to leave me simply by telling him that I’m an inconsiderate waste of space? Especially not since I had told Riku that myself. He hadn’t seemed to care, judging by this morning…A smile played across my face again, before I realised where I was and pulled it away quickly.

Once we had all finished eating, I got up and walked away quickly. Once the door to my bedroom was in sight, Riku finally caught up with me and grabbed hold of my shoulder gently. “Hey, hey. What’s the matter?” he asked, peering into my face with a concerned look. I waved him away. “Nothing, don’t worry about a thing. Why would anything be the matter anyway?” I pulled out of Riku’s grip softly and pushed the bedroom door open, throwing myself onto the bed. “Because,” Riku explained from behind me, “you were…a lot happier, to say the least, before dinner.” He sat down on the bed beside me and sighed deeply.

I peeked round at Riku, and once I saw how worried he looked I sat up and took his hand gently. “Really, there’s nothing the matter. But guess what…we’re all alone, in our room. Nobody’s likely to disturb us until morning…” I smiled slightly. Riku grinned in understanding, and nibbled on my neck gently. My plan had worked; he had forgotten all about anything I could possibly be worrying about. But I wished I could take my own mind off that…Every time I listened to Riku’s deep, even, rhythmical breathing in my ear, the angry hiss echoed in my head… ‘I would hate for Riku to find out about it.’

The sunlight trickling through the net curtains woke me from my broken sleep. I stretched my legs until they fell out of the quilt, before finally opening my eyes. Riku’s face materialised, pale and drawn, staring at me as I slept. I sat up quickly, stroking his cheek lightly. “What’s happened?” I urged. He shook his head, his lips tight. I stared at him and hardened my gaze. He finally caved. “…You fell asleep,” he grunted simply. I was confused, and it must have shown, because a minute later he spoke again, “You fell asleep while we were…you…don’t you…I thought it was what you wanted.” Finally understanding what he meant, I nodded, fighting through the haze in my mind to speak, to explain somehow without worrying him. Riku swallowed, and as I was about to speak, he threw the covers back and dressed quickly, before heading out of the door without another word.

I woke up the next morning, and got out of bed. Squall had insisted that we push the beds together, so he could hug me. So we did. Now, I got up and put my clothes on, and then my hat. Feeling refreshed, I began to walk out of the room when Squall woke up. “Going…somewhere?” he asked, sleepily. I nodded. “Remember? I start work today.” Squall made a vague attempt at answering, before falling back to sleep. I turned around and walked out the door.

Making my way to the Throne Room, I noticed the guard had been stepped up slightly. I wondered as to the reason as I entered the Throne Room, noticing the absence of Riku and Haru. Minister Artania looked puzzled, reading a piece of paper. As I walked over, he handed it to me, and I scanned through it’s shakily-written contents.

“Minister Artania,
I am so sorry to ditch out on you at such an important time, but something very important and yet also unavoidable has come up. It has not been easy for me, ruling Lindblum – as you will know well – but I have finally come to grips with it. Therefore, it is with deep regret that I tell you that Riku and I have been forced to leave for matters of both a personal issue and our safety.
Please do not come looking for us under any circumstances. I hate to have to say that, but it is better for everyone concerned if you simply forgot about us. DO NOT COME AFTER US!

With regret,
Haru.”

I read the note through several times. They’d left. Totally out of the blue, and neither of us knew where. I looked at the Minister, who looked at me suspiciously . I shook my head. “I don’t know anything.” He looked sadly down, as did I. Squall walked into the room, and noted our sudden sombre mood. He was about to ask about it, when Zexion stepped out of the shadows. “Don’t bother. There’s no point. She’s not coming back. Just move on. I’ll take control, and from now on, what I say is law.” I looked up concernedly at Zexion, who had fastened his cloak’s hood above his head. “I think it’s time things changed around here.”

Fiction: 11/15/08 | Posted By: Gildas Magnus | 2 comments | Crossover Anime and Manga | Tags: N/A