Moe: Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a Mrs. O'Problem. First name, Bea.
Moe: Uh, yeah, just a minute, I'll check. [calls] Uh, Bea O'Problem? Bea O'Problem! Come on guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?!
Barney: Ya sure do! [bar denizens laugh]
Moe: Oh... [to phone] It's you, isn't it!
Bart: [laughs]
Moe: Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!
Moe: [answers the phone] Yeah, just a sec; I'll check. [calls] Amanda Hugginkiss! Hey, I'm lookin' for Amanda Hugginkiss! Oh, why can't I find a man to hug and kiss?! [bar denizens laugh]
Barney: Maybe your standards are too high!
Moe: [to phone] You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs up your butt!
Bart: My name is Jimbo Jones and I live in 1094 Evergreen Terrace.
Moe: Aha! Big mistake, pal! I knew he'd slip up sooner or later!
Laura: [on the phone] Hello, I'd like to speak to Ms. Tinkle? First name...
Bart: [whispers]
Laura: [continues] Ivana?
Moe: [on the phone] Ivana Tinkle, just a sec. [calls] Ivana Tinkle! Ivana Tinkle! Hey, everybody, put down your glasses. I wanna tinkle!
Moe: [answers the phone] Flaming Moe's.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh.
Moe: Uh, hold on, I'll check. [calls out] Hugh Jass! Can somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass?!
Man: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone. [hands Hugh the receiver]
Hugh: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: [surprised] Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a prank call that sort of backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. [hangs up and breathes a sigh] What a nice young man.
Bart: Wait! If you kill my dad, we'll never know where the treasure is buried!
Cargill: What treasure?
Bart: The treasure of... Ima Wiener.
Cargill: "I'm a weiner"?
[Homer and Bart laugh]
Homer: Classic!
Hawaiian Bartender: Aloha.
Bart: Aloha to you, I'm looking for Maya, last name Normusbutt.
Hawaiian Bartender: Hang on, I'll check. Has anyone here seen Maya Normusbutt?
[bar denizens laugh and the bartender there is upset. The scene switches from Hawaii as Bart calls a bar in Australia. The bars name, Crocodile Drunkees]
Australian Bartender: I've got a Drew P. Wiener here. Anyone expecting a Drew P. Wiener? I hold in my hands a "droopy wiener"!
Bar denizen: Better put it down there, mate.
[He and the other patrons laugh. The scene switches from Australia as Bart calls a bar in Sweden. The bar's name, Inga Bar Beermans]
Swedish Bartender: I shall enquire. Is there a Mr. Myfriendsaregay, first name Olaf? Attention everyone, "all of my friends are gay"!
[bar denizens laugh]
Swedish Bartender: Wait a minute, if I ever get a hold of you, I will thank you for showing me the futility of human endeavor!
[Bart and Milhouse laugh]
