❤~Ayre~❤
I don't know what to believe in anymore.
The phrase seemed to play on repeat throughout my mind as I crashed and stumbled through the forest that I was in. I didn't care where I was going, I didn't care if I had thousands of scratches all along my body from stray branches and prickly bushes. Hell, I wouldn't have cared if a bloody wolf had popped out and feasted on me for dinner. Anything would have been better than the pain I was experiencing in this moment.
It felt as if my entire body was on fire. From the tips of my fingers to the bottom of my feet, everything felt so suddenly empty that it hurt. I crashed through a thicket of bushes, just to trip over a large root. Collapsing onto the floor, I allowed raucous sobs to escape from my winded lungs.
"Jett!" I screamed into the night, knowing the first Digit was already long gone at this point. Probably with that slut Racquel and-- I burst into a fresh new set of tears, not caring that my mascara was smudged all over my face, not caring that my hair was a tangled mess filled with twigs and leaves.
"Jett..." I crossed my hands over my heart, wanting to tear it out and spit at it for betraying me like this. Whimpering his name over and over again, I curled into a tiny ball, willing the entire world to go away. I just wanted to die here, alone, in peace.
Then, a thought occurred to me. What if that hadn't been Jett? No, Jett wouldn't possibly deny my love for him. My feelings couldn't be unrequited, hadn't he responded when we kissed the past two times? I thought that he loved me, no, I knew that he loved me. Yeah, that must have been it. Maybe it was just a hallucination. Maybe in my shock, I just dreamed everything. Maybe Fox--
Thinking of the name, my heart clenched so painfully in my chest that I gasped and doubled over on the dirt-covered ground of the forest. Fox. Instantly my depression turned to rage. It was all his fault that we were in this mess. He had to go and mess everything up.
Instantly, my depression was clouded by a haze of rage. Not even being able to see through the tears that poured down my cheeks incessantly, I stood up. After wobbling for a moment, I took off at a sprint that had me instantly breathless. Like Hell I cared. I could have run around the world and back, fueled solely by the anger inside me.
Angry didn't even cover it. Fury welled up in my body, pouring over me in strong waves. It was as if I didn't have control over my body anymore. Letting my animal instincts kick it, my long legs took me to the hotel we had been residing it, straight up the stairs, and into our suite.
"Fox!" I screamed, the sound ringing throughout the room. Immediately, Eternity, Juliet, and Fhyre came out of their rooms to investigate, followed by a reluctant Fox.
He looked... Scared... Mixed with something else. Something that closely resembled... Regret. Oh, he would regret this. He would regret it indeed. Pain filled my chest again, such searing pain that I doubted I'd ever be able to feel again. I grabbed Fox by the shoulders and pushed him against the wall roughly.
"What. Were. You. Thinking." I seethed, narrowing my eyes menacingly. All I wanted to do was beat the crap out of him, see him broken and bleeding like I was, and in more ways than one. I wanted to see him hurt, hurt as much as I was at this moment.
"Ayre, Ayre I can explain--" Fox started, but I cut him off with a hard slap. I heard a surprised intake of breath from behind me, but I didn't care what the others thought of me right now. I was seeing red, and this was the point of no return.
"No, you can't explain Fox!" Between each and every word, I slapped him, harder and harder with every blow. I punctuated the sentence with a particularly hard, hit, hoping that he felt it, right in the chest where I had split apart.
"Ayre, I did it for good reason, I was trying to protect you!" Fox's face was already showing signs of bruising, but I wasn't done yet. He winced under my unmerciful gaze, and it wasn't just in pain.
"Protect me?! I don't need to be protected!" Moving on from slapping, I punched Fox, right in the gut. He doubled over in pain and looked up at me, beseechingly. Pleading with me to understand. But I wouldn't. I was past understanding. Nothing made sense, everything blended together. And it was never going to make sense, because Jett didn't love me. Jett loved Racquel.
Oh how could I have been so stupid? To ever think that Jett had been in love with me! Me of all people! Of course, it was Racquel all along... He just wanted to seduce me, take advantage of the hopeless romantic who was head over heels... And even though I was trying to reassure myself, I broke, just a tiny bit more, inside.
This time, I sent a right hook at Fox's jaw--hard. I heard an audible crack and a cry from behind me, but Fox was silent. "You have no idea," I panted slightly, "No idea at all what you did, do you?"
"Ayre, please, I'm begging you!" I prepared my arm for another punch, but Fox raised his head at that moment, his golden eyes pained. All traces of confidence, of cockiness were completely gone from his handsome face, and I couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt him anymore, not when it was making my heart shatter more inside.
Turning away from him without a word, I ran into my room as fast as I could, throwing myself onto my bed with more force than was necessary. I pounded on my pillow, making sure not to make any noise, but the tears streaming down my face were a constant reminder of my pain.
Finally, I collapsed onto the bed, not moving a muscle. My breathing was shallow, almost panting, as I tried to calm my insides. All I could think of was what Jett had last said to me. That was it. Nothing else existed except his words.
I thought I had imagined the door creaking open, but suddenly light flooded the room. Raising my head up from the beaten pillow, I was shocked to find Fox standing in the doorway. He was bruised and his cheeks were red from where I had slapped him, but that didn't seem to be the reason why his expression was one of pure torment.
"Ayre..." he began softly, making his way slowly towards where I lay. He seemed cautious, as if I was going to lash out and kill him at any moment. Which I hadn't ruled out as a back up option.
I flipped over onto my stomach to conceal my face from his. Curling into a ball, I tried to ignore him, willing him to go away, but I knew it wasn't going to work. He wouldn't have come to visit me if he hadn't really wanted to speak with me.
I half wondered if he hated me now, too, but then I remembered. I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore, actually. Now that my hysteria had subsided, all I was left with was an aching, gaping hole where my heart should of been. It was gone. Gone like all the rest of my feelings.
"I'm sorry, Ayre. I didn't mean to hurt you," Fox whispered. If I hadn't seen his mouth moving from my peripheral vision, I wouldn't have believed that it was Fox speaking. His voice slightly cracked when he said my name, and I cringed knowing that I took pleasure in his pain.
"I... I just thought... Ayre, I love you."
The shock of this statement completely through me off guard, and I almost fell off my bed and onto the floor. Fox crossed the room quietly and perched on the very edge of the bed, at the bottom. He didn't want to come near me, it seemed, and I hardly blamed him. After my raging fit outside, I wouldn't have approached me, either.
"You... No... That's... Impossible..." I managed to choke out. It was only then that I realized I was still crying. My voice was thick with tears, but I knew he could understand me, despite the mess that I was. And I was supposed to be the happy, positive one, I thought bitterly.
"It's possible," Fox muttered, his tone bitter as my thoughts were. "And... I guess I'm just jealous that you love... Ya know..." He rested his elbows on his knees, not looking at me, but at the flow. I could see his brow furrowed in concentration, and it took a great deal of effort for him even to confess to me.
It was awkward, to say the least, but Fox's discomfort brought back a little of the feeling that I felt had been torn from my chest. At least I had known he hadn't done it just to be a douche. But I still could never forgive him, and I think we both knew it.
"Do... Do you... Erm, what happened? When you found him?" He knew just as well as I did that after I had found out what Fox had done, I followed Jett. Frantically I searched and searched until I had finally found him, half naked on the ground, kissing Racquel.
I knew she hadn't been forcing him to respond. His hand was on her back, and he was kissing her just as much as she was sucking face with him. Another wave of tears threatened to spill from my eyes, and I could do nothing but let them fall in silence.
"He..." I took a deep, shuddering breath. "He doesn't love me."
I had known it all along, but saying it out loud was unbearable. It made everything more real, more real than I could have ever imagined. And the pain, the pain swelled inside of me again. Just as it begun to ebb away, it came back--with a vengeance.
"What? Are you kidding me?" Fox's shock was almost laughable.
I chuckled, but the sound was humorless. "No, unless you think playing tonsil hockey with someone you supposedly 'don't love' means liking someone else." I shook my head, not able to bear the pain any longer. I just wanted to slip into unconsciousness, and let my dreams take me away to places where the emptiness couldn't reach me any longer.
"He loves you, Ayre. I know it. I've seen the way he looks at you... And, I know. I know he feels the same way I do about you," Fox declared, seeming mighty sure of himself, despite the fact that he hadn't seen what I had seen. He hadn't felt what I felt, and therefore, he would never understand.
Lucky for him.
Sighing with tired resignation, I squeezed my eyes shut tight. "Believe what you will." I tried to ignore the throbbing pain in the back of my skull, but it refused to go away. I was too overwhelmed with emotion to even think straight, let alone relax enough to make a headache go away.
"I'm telling you, Ayre," Fox's voice was rising, and I could tell that he had truly thought Jett loved me. "I know Jett loves you, why won't you believe me?"
It was resentfully that I uttered those words. Those words that I hated, far beyond any other words that I had ever heard in my entire life. "I don't know what to believe in anymore." They popped out of my mouth before I could even think about it, and I cried out softly with the pain that it brought.
"Those are the words of someone in denial, Ayre." I felt the pressure on the end of the bed lift, and knew Fox was going to leave me alone. Leave me to despair and wallow in sorrow by myself.
Right. Eternity would be the next one to disturb my sulking, and then Fhyre. Juliet, I knew, wouldn't do anything. Just stare at me blankly as if she knew everything in the world, which I didn't doubt, not for a second. She may have known everything there was to be written in books, but I was positive she didn't know what love was. Didn't know the pain that came with it; the heartbreak.
"Listen to me. Jett loves you." And with that, the door closed.
I tried not to let Fox's words give me hope, but I felt it deep inside my chest, deep inside that cavern that help a shattered heart. It was like a small, flickering flame that was rising up inside me. Those are the words of someone in denial, Ayre.
I didn't dare believe it was true, but my feelings got the better of me. I couldn't help my spirits lifting, with a new feeling. Something that replaced the pain, the agonizing ache of a broken heart.
Hope.
~~~
I'm sorry if this sucks XD I think I wrote this deliriously through tears as I cried with Ayre's pain. T.T
