First off I will say that I am fine, which means that I am not KIA ^_^. I have been thinking alot about my job lately,about quitting to be more precise. I have been doing what I do for almost 8 years now and I have no regrets I love this job. But everything I do comes at a price and this job has had the heaviest on me. Mentally I am fine comes with my mental condition. But physically I have done irreversible damage to my body.

I am good at what I do, one of the best given my training and experience, but I have more than just my money, ambition, and job now. I have my daughter, who has been patient with me for a long time now ^_^. She always says she doesn't mind, but her real dad was in the Chinese army, granted I am much better trained and much more wealthy, I have to face the fact that you dont have to be skilled to kill with sheer luck. To say I am afraid of death is preposterous. I always push and never give I believe that if you are not willing to die in order to get something you should not have it to begin with. From the moment I first killed someone I was ready to die, after all you should take the lives of others if your not ready to lose you own.

Back then I used to be called Shaitan Spectre, coz I was so good it would terrify the people that had to work with me the ones not on my team. My job was all I had and I was too good at it, I could stand in the room watching people be tortured and ask what we wanted to know with out even flinching. The word Shaitan is arabic it means devil like being. When they called me Shaitan Spectre they meant evil spirit, like a poltergeist in a horror film. I was dedicated which means I didnt have morality. Nothing was out of the question to get what I wanted back then. I have changed a whole lot since then, I am more merciful and less willing to do whatever is necessary to get what I want. This change was brought on by Mei, I never let anyone inside before her all I needed back then was my hatred, it was enough to make sure that I never failed.

But the possibility of failure does scare me, if I die that means that I fail Mei as her father. When she lost her real parents I told her that she wouldn't lose me. The fact is I risk my life with every mission, it is true you can be killed walking out of your house, but in battle your chances of dying severely increases. This is why I am thinking about quitting. Because making her happy means more to me than anything else now ^_^.