Elena
After Noel left, I grabbed my genetics book off of my shelf and opened it to the pages I needed to read before tomorrow. Grabbing my notebook to make notes, I noticed I also had a worksheet I had to do. Running a hand down my face, I exhaled sharply. I was starting to fall so behind I was forgetting what homework I was being behind. I made a mental note to go buy a planner from the book store in the morning.
I made myself focus on reading. Genetics was one of my favorite classes. Genes always fascinated me. Noel fascinated me. I found myself enjoying everything I did with him. We had been in school for a couple weeks now, and I had thought I'd want to meet boys and go to parties. I had always wanted the stereotypical college life.
Demons didn't really factor into that, and maybe because of all the fighting we did, it changed my priorities a bit. I still wanted to go to parties and make lots of friends and go on adventures, but I could no longer imagine myself doing any of those things without Noel.
What did that mean, though? Did I like Noel as a really close friend? Or something more? I certainly cared about him, and whenever he got hurt or was fighting a demon, my heart constricted with worry and pain. Did that mean I loved him? I had never been in love, so I wasn't sure.
Eevie, what's it feel like to be in love? She was a lot older than me, and I knew she'd been in love before. She had to have some good advice for me.
She was quiet for a moment, taken aback. It's when all the songs make sense. she replied. After a pause, she continued, For me, my heartbeat always speeds up when I'm near them or even thinking about them, and I felt like I always have the butterflies in my stomach. For me, I want to be with them always and share everything that happens with them. I miss them and I hate being apart.
I frowned as I took that all in. I certainly got butterflies in my stomach when I was around Noel. And I wanted to be with him and share things with him.
Thinking about Noel? Eevie asked soothingly.
I wasn't sure how to respond. Of course I had been thinking of Noel. But I didn't really want to talk about my perpetual feelings with Eevie. I wasn't sure how I felt myself, and I didn't particularly like the prospect of analyzing every little feeling with her.
Actually, I was trying to picture you being in love. I can't imagine it.
I was a different person before I was confined in my own home. I haven't been in love in over a hundred years.
What do you feel about Nori? I asked, curious. I may not have wanted to talk about my feelings, but I so wanted to talk to Eevie about hers. I was not so secretly rooting for them to get together.
I'm still trying to sort out my feelings for him, she asked more truthfully than I had expected.
Satisfied with her answer, I glanced back down at my textbook, berating myself for being so easily distracted. I had too much homework to be getting distracted. I breezed through the chapter, finishing the assignment that went with it. Before I knew it, I was making a dent in my homework.
The door opened suddenly, startling me, and in walked Alexa. She seemed surprised to see me awake. "I figured you'd be in bed by now," she told me as she walked over to her closet and took off her scarf to hang up.
Glancing up at the clock, I saw that it was almost two in the morning. "Wow, I didn't realize it was so late. I was just trying to finish up some homework."
"You don't usually shirk your homework until the last minute. Spending too much time with Noel?" she teased as she started changing into her pajamas.
I caught myself smiling at the thought. "Something like that," I replied as I closed my book and started setting my alarm clock to get up early to finish what I could before classes. "What about you? You got in late again." I made my way to my closet and started changing as well.
"Studying in the library and lost track of time," Alexa replied smoothly.
"I thought the library closed at midnight?" I asked, turning my back as I took off my shirt.
"It does, but we went to one of my friends' dorm to finish up," she replied nonchalantly. She started brushing her hair, making her way over to her computer and turned it on.
"Which friends? Anyone I know?" I tried to ask inconspicuously. It'd be nice to know who else she hung out with.
But of course that would have been too easy. "Austin, but otherwise, you wouldn't know them since they aren't pre-med majors."
"Ah, gotcha." Pulling on some shorts, I climbed up my bunk bed and got situated comfortably in bed. "I don't know how you can handle the little sleep you get all the time. I know I'll be dragging tomorrow."
"I'm a night owl, so I'm used to going to bed late. No big," she shrugged. "Will my computer screen keep you awake?" she asked as she got up to turn off the main light.
"Not at all." I laid down and stared at the wall. I missed when I life was simple. When I wasn't suspicious of everything my roommate said. When I didn't have to lie to her. But I highly doubted I'd be as close with Noel if all this hadn't of happened. Closing my eyes, I drifted to sleep with Noel in my thoughts and a smile on my lips.
Eevie
Elena had gotten up early the next morning to finish some homework assignment and then asked Alexa to breakfast, which she had accepted. AFter breakfast, I convinced her to grab a cup of coffee to bring to class. It was hard enough for her to keep her eyes open after only four hours of sleep, and I was hoping the extra caffeine would help.
As Elena struggled to stay away in biology, I let my mind wonder. In a few short hours, Nori was going to tell us why he had bonded with a human. And while a part of me really wanted to know, a part of me felt selfish. I was beginning to know more about Nori than he did about me. Other than my name, he literally knew nothing else about me that wasn't pure speculation.
Since Nori and I had met, I had felt safe with him. As much as he liked to pretend he was badass, I knew he had my back, that I could trust him with my life. And I knew he felt the same with me. And as much as I loved fooling around with him, I knew it wouldn't be able to last.
My betrothal was looming over my head, and a part of me felt selfish leading Nori on. We couldn't pursue anything much more serious- or we could- but it would never be able to last. I couldn't fight my father. If I did, he would have Nori killed. And I refused to have Nori's blood on my hands. But I did want to enjoy the time I had with Nori will I could. And that made me feel selfish. I wasn't telling Nori the truth, and sooner or later, I would have to pull away, and the longer I waited, the harder and worse it would be.
I wanted to know Nori's past and history, but I also didn't at the same time. If he told me his side of things, I would feel obligated to tell him mine. And I couldn't. If I told him who my family was, Nori would undoubtedly want nothing to do with me. And I would understand that. But I was more scared of him wanting to stay anyway. My father was a ruthless murderer. He'd have to be stupid to willingly stay involved with me and risk his own life.
Eventually then I'd have to tell him about the source of most of my abilities. That I had killed my own siblings to gain them. That it was survival of the fittest in my family line. And I was a monster. What if Nori hated me for who I was, as he had a right to do. Worse still, what if he looked past that?
I didn't think I could look at Nori the same if he could forgive my sins. I murdered my own siblings. For decades, I had been a ruthless killer to hone my skills. It was how I have come to get so strong. I could make the hard decisions when no one else was willing to do so. What I had done to get to be who I was was unforgivable.
I was my father's daughter. And as much as I tried to run from that, I knew it would catch up with me eventually. Would I one day turn into my father and be as cold blooded as him? My mother didn't love my father. She was there for the alliance. I didn't want that to be Nori and I.
Granted, I knew I was getting way ahead of myself. Nori and I weren't really even in a relationship. I wasn't sure what to call what we were. I enjoyed kissing him and didn't get to do it nearly as much as I wanted, and I so very much wished we could do more. A part of me wanted to be more. But a bigger part of me was scared. Scared he'd leave. Scared even more if he stayed.
Eevie, are you okay? Elena asked, pulling me out of own thoughts.
Yes, I'm fine. Just thinking. I replied.
About Nori and what he's about to tell us? she asked, and I realized we were headed back to the dorms. The time was almost here.
Yes, I answered her honestly.
You'll finally get all your questions answered, she told me hopefully. I knew she was excited to know why, and I knew she wanted me to tell my story as well. I was probably going to disappoint Nori today, what was one more person to add to that list?
Once we were on the roof, I had Elena switch with me, and I grabbed the candles and salt out of her bag. Setting everything up in the circle, I recanted the spell for concealment so that Nori and I would have some privacy for our conversation. Didn't need any unnecessary ears hearing our conversation.
Opening my eyes, I was met with nausea and I swooned from light headedness. A pair of strong arms grabbed me from behind and pulled me back into him. I knew it was Nori before I saw him. I would recognize the safety of those arms anywhere.
"If you wanted me to hold you, all you had to do was say so," he smirked down at me when I turned to face him, and he helped me sit comfortable in the circle. When he saw I wasn't it a joking kind of mood, his face got serious.
"Did you lock the door?" I asked him, cutting straight to business.
He nodded. "Of course." His eyes pierced into mine, and I felt butterflies start up in my stomach, but then they moved higher, and I felt my heart constricting. I didn't want to hurt Nori at all. "Are you ready to hear why I bonded with a human?" he tried to smile, to assure me everything was okay, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. His smile faltered when I didn't return it. I could see the confusion building behind his eyes.
"No," I said, and when he looked at me quizzically, I repeated, "No. I don't want you to tell me."
"What?" he asked, and the hurt that flashed through his eyes squeezed my heart worse than I could have imagined.
WHAT?!
Ignoring Elena, I refused to look away from Nori. I deserved to feel like shit if I was going to do this. "I mean, of course I want to know you story, but I don't want to feel obligated to tell you my story."
Now disappointment surfaced in his eyes, "I'm not telling you my story with the expectation that you'd tell me yours."
"No, I know. But if we are ever going to move forward with our relationship- or whatever you want to call it- there will be a point where we need to be honest with each other, and I can't. I can't tell you about my past or my story. You'd never look at me the same, and I couldn't bare it if you hated me." I wasn't acting like myself, and I decided to blame the lack of sleep and the overexerted powers.
I stood up and took a few steps away from Nori as he tried to form words, but when I saw him hesitate, I continued, "I like you Nori, a lot. A hell of a lot. And I want to make the most out of the time we have together. And I don't want to ruin it. I suppose I'm kind of doing that right now. But I am scared. I'm such a coward." I couldn't stop berating myself.
"What we have is special. And if you knew the truth about me, you wouldn't think of me the same way. And I couldn't stand that. I also can't handle knowing so much about you while you know next to nothing about me. That's not fair, and I would never ask something so unfair of you."
I turned my back to him, no longer able to see the hurt, confusion, and disappointment that lined his features. I held my arms around my middle, hugging myself. I wasn't going to cry, but that didn't mean my chest didn't hurt nonetheless. Elena had gone quiet, unsure of what to say to me either. Had I ruined things?
