These are a few quotes I found -

"Never sit on the toilet seat, while the plunger is still in it." -Steve Dilla

"We all have mental problems, it's just that some of us choose to show them." -Nathanael Huddleson

"I am lost. I have gone to look for myself, if I get back, before I return, please tell me to wait." -Unknown

“Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"” - Eddie Izzard

"Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Anyone could answer that.
"Cake or death?"
"Eh, cake please."
"Very well! Give him cake!"
"Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice."
"You! Cake or death?"
"Uh, cake for me, too, please."
"Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?"
"Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..."
"You said death first, uh-uh, death first!"
"Well, I meant cake!"
"Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England!" Cake or death?"” - Eddie Izzard