when you're clouding up my mind?
I can't win a losing fight... All the time.
Back from camp ((:
It was awesomeee
Apart from the last night >.<
I got rushed into hospital.
Asthma ~ I hate it so much.
And I was well and truly scared. Even worse than October '08.
I didn't even understand what was going on; all I heard was a continuous bleeping of the machines surrounding me and my best friend sitting by the bed, holding my hand, muttering to me that everything was gonna be alright, I just had to keep going, keep fighting. I kept being asked by the doctor to squeeze her hand, to keep talking, even if it was humming. And then there were the two scout leaders, constantly having to go out and phone my mum to give her the latest update; my mum couldn't drive to the local hospital near my campsite, all she could do was sit at home.
Everything was going well and the nebulizer was helping, and then it all went wrong. Suddenly my chest felt more tight than before, and I couldn't breathe. Then a searing pain ripped through my lungs and I screamed; scaring my best friend to death. She'd never seen me have an attack before, she'd never come to the hospital with me before. A loada doctors ran over and gave me a loada medication, told me to keep breathing, it would all go away soon and it would be over. I couldn't believe them, I just wanted to give up and stop, I didn't want to fight anymore. And then darkness.
I opened my eyes to a sleeping best friend and scout leaders and found that the pain and tightness had almost disappeared, and I breathed a sigh of relief. The doctor noticed I had woken and came straight over, asking how I was, etc. I was still struggling to speak sentences, but I was so much better. Tbh, all I wanted to do was to go back to camp, and pretend nothing had happened. To not have the attention of people who I didn't want attention from. Of course, they made me lie still, kept the mask round me, and waited until I could breathe normally. Finally the first true breath came and I smiled, and so did the 5-or-so doctors/nurses surrounding me. I finally returned home [I wasn't allowed to go back to camp] at 2.30am to a crying mum; she felt so bad for not being there with me.. All I wanted to was go to bed, so I did.
And now I'm awake. I'm well. I even plucked up the energy to go to the scout hut and unload the van at 2pm when the other scouts came back, even if I wasn't allowed to lift anything. I didn't know I was so loved by all of them. Nearly every single one gave me a hug, even though the boys claimed they were 'manly hugs' xD. The leaders all came up to me and said how they were so glad I was here and well. I missed the last night of camp, the annual campfire. Of course, a bit disappointed, but I was just glad to be breathing.
The best camp of my life, with the worst ending. I made so many friends with people there I never thought I would. From Peter my 'lover' [not really, personal joke haha :L] to Keelan my fellow thespian. And who can forget Joe & Ollie and their five year old sister Molly.
I now have some tablets I have to take; 6 in the morning. And I have to make an appointment with my asthma nurse asap, my asthma seems to have deteriorated and they want me to go on to a higher dose of inhaler stuffs.
And now I am back. Back to face the syp tomorrow, [even though I'm not allowed to do much, I can't do too much exercise for a few days >_<] and to enjoy the 2 weeks of that. And then the gcse results come out soon after, and hopefully a Harry Potter game follows xD. And then moot camp, my last ever camp with the scouts, even thought it's not an official camp.
That moment of darkness, that moment of not being able to breathe, made me realise something. Your life is your's to live. Make the most of it, cause you never know what's gonna happen. Forgive quickly and have fun constantly. Life is a precious thing, too good to waste, and I'm not wasting mine anymore.
<3
