So yeah I'm at a going away party I'm throwing at my place for my best friend who is moving away (to Florida, no less, which is as far away from where I live as you can possiblly get, U.S.A standards.), and she invites a bunch of people. No problem, I love a good crowd of friends.
So I invited this girl who is pretty good friends with me, but I know for a FACT she has a HUGE crush on me, and I have told her COUNTLESS times (conspicuously of course) that I am not attracted to girls and the last time I let myself slip on that fact it destroyed me or at least changed me for good, and there was no way I was going to be alone with her at any point in time so I decided to invite her to a party with a big group of people.
Because I'm a nice person who can't just say, "Please leave me alone. Now."
So it turns out she comes earlier than everyone else. That's chill. Like heck were staying in this house though, let's take a walk.
So we do and she just has this creepy way of flirting, like she's being sneaky but I know EXACTLY what's up. Of course though, I act innocent for the sake of being nice.
So everyone came and we had a BLAST. But how many time could this girl try and find opportunities to get me alone? More than you'd ever think. MY WORD.
And also, it so happens that she was the LAST to leave.
And guess what?
SHE BIT ME.
SHE FLIPPIN' BIT ME ON THE SHOULDER.
And TRIED TO SLIP HER FLIPPIN' HAND DOWN MY SIDE.
And guess what I did?
LAUGHED. UNCOMFORTABLY.
Then she asked for a KISS.
A FLIPPIN' KISS.
I AIN'T NEVER KISSED ANYONE IN MY LIFE YOU PSYCHO. GET THE FRICK AWAY FROM ME OR I WILL SCREAM OR PUKE.
BUT ALL I DID WAS TRY AND IGNORE HER.
NOW I FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT?
WHY?!?!?!?
Thank goodness she left soon after--I tried to leave her clues from the last person I let into my heart (by letting her look in my box in my loft, which I seldom ever look at), who gave me her heart and I gave her mine, I felt so safe with her, it was nothing romantic I just loved being with her. And then I got confused because I did start to have feelings for her, and she said the same. All I really knew then was I felt loved. For once in my life someone wanted me.
But then she took hers back, ran away with mine, and stole someonelse's in a town just far enough where I couldn't reach her.
I CAN'T.
FRICK.
I feel so disgusting right now I want to puke and cry and stratch my shoulder until I can't feel that bite anymore.
I can't do this. I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR THIS GIRL AND I NEVER WILL.
I feel so used and played with right now. The only people who have ever shown a huge interest in me are WOMEN. UGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!
This is all so frickn' messed up I can't even think.
Sorry guys I just, gosh it seems like all I do now is vent. I'm sick of this, I want to be happy again--not that I haven't been on and off lately it's just...this time I want it to stay. I want to forget all of this.
And on the best friend's going away too.
FRICK.
