killmepleasealready
Hi, I'm Caitlin.
I'm seventeen and I live in New Hampshire, USA.
I pretty much hate majority of my life, but whatever.
I don't give a shit if you think how I am is bullshit, what you think doesn't matter.
I'm so fucking sick of fake ass people.
But whatever, life is life, I can deal.
Have a nice day everyone.
Anyone have myspace and/or AIM that'd like to get to know me or add me go ahead just tell me where you're from please.
MySpace - http://myspace.com/xxocaitlinx
AIM - xxoCaitlinXx

Just because I smile, doesn't mean I'm happy

pleasedon'thurtmeiwasonlytellingyouthetruthisn'tthatwhatyouwanted?

Is this what she's doing to me?.. partially.

"Fine, I'm too fucking cocky to be talked down to and you always make me feel like shit. I've spent years being your friend, two of which you neglected to tell me about some other chick you've been talking to longer. You had the nerve to tell me that I brought out your "bi side" or whatever the hell and kinda somewhat admitted that you liked me which I wasn't like ecstatic over or anything because I kinda like you but I didn't want to get into anything like that because I had before and you said you never would. But yet fucking Linsey didn't make you "bi" apparently even though you'd been talking to her longer. I fucking hit on you all the time for fun and you would joke around with me too but as soon as you're "together," I can't say anything to you because it's all just no, I'm with her, that's all that matters. You can't take a fucking joke. Everything is compared to her. You even compared me to her! I haven't had a fucking beast moment in days because you keep bringing up how fucking happy you are and shit which I'm happy that you are because I can tell that you love her but the fact you changed the way you talk to me pisses me the fuck off. And you didn't even tell me when it first happened. You're like my best friend and I tell you everything, even little shit that I know you could care less about and you didn't tell me this at all. I was beyond pissed. And yeah, I know it's stupid but being cocky makes me a jealous bitch too. So yeah, I'm jealous of her. She took my best friend from me. Even though I still talk to you, it's not the same. Every conversation is centered around her or you're always talking to her while I'm talking to you. I get pissed when you're on the phone with her because I have to fucking ask to call you and it's always you don't want to get in trouble and she gets the upper hand and you talk to her all the time. I'm not even a priority for you anymore apparently. I feel like I'm just a habit. And I know you can't really talk about her to your family and all and I don't mind you bringing stuff up sometimes because I know I do it to you all the time, but if I really feel like shit, I don't want to hear how something I've told you a million times was so amazing to hear because she said it to you. And I'm not even bitchy anymore, I'm just tired..."

I just blacked over the stuff that didn't truly have a relation to it... But. It's how I feel towards you Vanessa, a good portion of the time. Plus some, but, basically. And with my being bad with words.
Then Brittany, sometimes this was how I felt.
DaiShamar, I'm so sorry I ever did this to you. Thank you for still sticking by me though.

So, I hate this.

I still don't like theOtaku. I liked the old myO better! Why did you have to change ittttttt?!

So.. I'm gonna be bored and online a lot probably. I want friends. So who's willing?

If not, then I'll just come here and vent out of sheer boredom.
I had some good memories from here. And some awful, like when Brittany and I would get in fights.
Not like anyone's going to read this, so I'll just say whatever.

I have nothing to say right now though. I'll post later if I can keep at this. I just feel so lonely and miserable.

Quotes I liked and mainly wrote down while I wasn't paying attention in Psychology

Our destiny is not written for us, but by us.
-Barack Obama

With malice towards none, and charity to all
-Abraham Lincoln

Why should I live? Why should I do anything? Is there life in any purpose which the inevitable death that awaits me does not do and destroy?

It is easy to be brave from a distance.

Pretense may become reality.
-Chinese Proverb

Through this be madness, yet there is method in 't.
-Shakespeare

I have learned to accept my mistakes by referring them to a personal history which was not of my making.
-B. F. Skinner

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be grater and lesser persons than yourself.
-Max Ehrmann

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
-Oscar Wilde

the enthusiastic claims of the self-esteem movement mostly range from fantasy to hogwash. the effects of self-esteem are small, limited, and not all good.
-Roy Baumeister

The [self-]portraits that we actually believe, when we are given freedom to voice them, are dramatically more positive than reality can sustain.
-Shelley Taylor

The first step to better times is to imagine them.
-Chinese Fortune Cookie

There's a lot of talk about self-esteem these days. It seems pretty basic to me. If you want to feel proud of yourself, you've got to do things you can be proud of.
-Oseola McCarty

Ignorance more freely begets confidence than knowledge does.
-Charles Darwin

There is as much difference between us and ourselves, as between us and others.
-Michel de Montainge

We do pretty well when you stop to think that people are basically good.

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.
-The Talmuel

Sickness is the manifestation of evil in the body
-Andrew Weil

I get by with a little help from my friends.
-John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help.
-Ecclesiates

A cheerful heart is good medicince, but a downcast spirit dries up the bones.
-Proverbs

When the heart is at easse the body is healthy.
Chinese Proverbs

No happiness lasts for long.
-Seneca

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.
-Pslams

Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind.
-The Buddha

For news of the heart ask the face.
-Guinean Proverb

Harmona

Harmona

All alone
she hides away in her room
locked away
from everyone who told her not to

Everyone
who caused her to do this
unable to express
all the emotions she truly feels

Out in the open
she's all smiles and laughs
A solved puzzle
to anyone who passes by

But locked away
is where her inner self gts
set free, it's
where she pours her heart out.

Taking the
silver, dragging it across
appears the
red, twinkling down her skin

Pouring out
as do all her feelings, the emotions
every person
she ever knew told her not to.

Not to
cry, be mad, to show herself for who she really is.
Told her to
suck it up and hide it.

This
is why she's become a
pro
at hiding herself.

Not trusting
anyone she's ever encountered.
Releasing
all her stresses in the privacy of her room.

Away,
from all the fake, user friends.
Away,
from the family that doesn't want her.

Til one day
she goes too far.
And that day,
was her last day.

All her
emotions, fears, her heart
Shown to a world
who she truly was and how they held her back.

Why my night last night sucked.

My mom got all pised at me when I called her to ask for a ride after Driver's Ed. about 6:30 and starting bitching me out and I flipped out. I'd been in such a good and happy mood but she ruined it. Now the guy that was doing driving with my friend and I thinks I'm psychotic moreso I bet and yea. Then I tried calling my mom again cause I hung up on her when she was yelling and she didn't answer. Pissed me off more, and my friend's dad offered to give me a ride but it's too out of their way and I stormed off took out my iPod and blared my music. they drove toward me and she was yelling at me to get in the car and I wouldn't, then stopped at every other corner and she got out at the first one and I pushed her away and the nest her dad tried stopping infront of me when I was crossing and tried to get me to take the ride and I said no thanks and then offered her phone since mine was almost dead so iI had it off.and I kept walking. Ending up stopping and just sitting at a bus stop cause my throat burned since it was so cold. My brother eded up coming like, en minutes later and didn't say a word. He was pissed too, he hates my guts. Now my friend and her dad are probably sooo pissed.

And I accidentall told her how my mom always say she wishes I were never born and it made her feel bad it seemed and that made it worse. I dont want peoples pity damnit.

I just wish things weren't so damn awful.

Now she won't wanna be my friend cause what i did. And it'll be a whole other charade like with the old friend..
And Things this year keep coming back to that whole deal and passing the house today, ugh. Sorry but. I miss my old friend even if that friendship was so damn corrupted. Twas nice while it lasted for the most part but being myself was just so damned horrid.

I hate how no one can accept the way I am, they think its not like me when it really is. Ugh.
Whatever...