Random rants about whatever happens to come into my brain at the time. >_>

Distractions

I've been really distracted lately. Its a mix of stress and other things that has been keeping me from drawing anything decent. Of course the incidents of last week did not help to improve my mood either. You see, last week I was showing my art to someone and they told me that I needed to go back and learn how to do basic anatomy again because apparently I am no good at it. LIES! LIES I say!

Then she continued to tell me how much my art work was not like manga at all. To set the record straight I never said it was. I dont claim to be any genre. I just draw to draw and whatever it looks like to you then that is what it is but I never said "I am an anime artist" or "I am a manga artist."

It pissed me off. Who can really judge art anyway? This was the reason I did not like art classes in my school. The teachers tell you what to draw and then judge how well it is. Who are they to tell you what is art? Art has no rules - it has no laws or boundaries. That is what makes it so great.

Its people that try to put laws on things that upset me. And what really makes it worse is that the people that have NO artistic abilities at all are the one laying down these rules. Those type of people really dont know anything about art if they are trying to judge it. Idiots... leave me alone.

Good Anime Fans Are Hard To Find

What has happened to all the good anime fans?

When I first started getting into anime I realized there was more to it than the stuff they showed on television. In fact there was a whole world that was a lot better than what I was seeing on TV. As I started to invest in my craze I realized that the stuff they were showing on TV actually sucks. Why does television choose the worst animes to show? Granted there are a few that I have seen that aren't bad. Cowboy Bebop was an excellent anime that was shown on Adult Swim as was Gundam 08th. But these days we're seeing things like Naruto and Full Metal Alchemist. Those are okay but lets face it - they are kiddy shows.

Where's the real stuff? Where's The Getbackers? Samurai Gun? GunXSword? Where's the anime that makes you really focus and think about what life is all about? Why are we showing the crappy shit that creates massive fan-girls and annoying fanatics instead of the real deep meaningful anime that practically made it a household name?

Basically I hate fangirls. I hate the crazy fans that think they are "anime freaks" because they have seen every episode of Naruto on Cartoon Network. If you like that stuff, fine - but you're not a true fan until you've seen something that hasnt been displayed on a kid channel.

Hunger Craze

What is the best way to escape a world of depression, mounting suffering and pain? With video games of course. Lately I have been playing Final Fantasy 11. It has been my escape from this world. Lets face it, these days there hasnt been much to smile about and in my case there is no exception. I have no job since I was laid off back in January. Its not because I havent tried to get one - there is just nothing out there. I cant tell you how many applications I have put in for everything possible.

With no job comes no money and with no money comes no food. It is sad that the one time I relied on the government to provide with me unemployment money they have yet to send me a check. And I am starving. I have lost 5lbs in a week. I know it sounds unbelievable but when you dont have a way to buy the food you just go without.

It angers me that there are people out there that never worked a day in their lives and they are doing better than I am. Meanwhile I have slaved in factories all my life and this is where all my hardwork has gotten me: In a small broken down basement with no heat and no food.

Why is my life so disgustingly sad?

What are your dreams?

Director Lazard once said that "unattainable dreams are the best kind." Is my dream to become an artist one of those types of dreams? I start my first day at my new job tomorrow and Im once again getting those feelings of "this is not where I need to be" flooding through me. I havent even started yet and already I know this is not something I want to do. But do I really have a choice in the matter? No. I have to go to this job because if I dont I wont have any money. It's a vicious cycle that can drive a man insane if he focuses on it too carefully.

But I know this is not what I want to do with my life. Time is precious. Time is fleeting. All I want to do is travel the world and draw. I want to share my passion for art and writing with other people that also have a vision. I want to see the dreams of others and embrace them as much as they embrace mine. My insecurity in the aritistic realm constantly keeps me from moving on any further but my lack of money doesn't help the situation either.

And thus I must force myself to go to a place that I dont want to go. I will have to drag myself there kicking, screaming and clawing, and force myself back into the world of "general labor". Working on machines is my future and the longer I fight it the more miserable I will become. Why dont I just succumb to my horrible fate and deal with it?

Because Im a dreamer and I dont want to face reality. I will forever be stuck here in this rotting Hell of a home, forced to be with people I dont like because that is reality and the sooner I face this and end my pathetic existence the better off I will be.

Only in death does art thrive. I only have one year left to find out.

Rank?

Rank 547/8303? Thats gotta be some kind of mistake for I know I am not that popular...