I'm going to warn you now, if you wanted to read Stephenie Meyer's newest book Breaking Dawn and don't want to know spoilers, hit the back button right now. I can't say I'll get into specifics, but if I do, they will most assuredly NOT be marked in spoiler text because I'm a lazy bum.
Featuring ItTook3Nails AKA ever.so.silently here on theO, AKA my older, twin sister, AKA my super awesome helper in this Totally Biased Review.
Anyways, if you're not interesting in Breaking Dawn or the Twilight series, you don't have to read this, just scroll down, I might put an actual post at the bottom of this, probably not though--because as already established I'm lazy. Ok, onto mine and my sister's review of the book [which we both read in a couple of hours, I might boast. We're just that awesome.]
Ok, onward, to the beginning of the book. [FYI ItTook3Nails is going to randomly interject things into my typing, so if some comments don't sound very 'Ink-like' fret not, that's just her.] Anyways, at the beginning of the book. The wedding scene. Dun. Dun. DUN!! Blink and you'll miss it. The after party, according to mi hermana, was rather funny--which, consequently it was. Jake crashes the par-tay, which made me squeal with fangirl delight. He get's angry and leaves, thus leaving Ink to pout and wonder when our wayward wolf will wander back home. [That was a lot of "w's"...]
The honeymoon. TRIPPY FANFIC. I'm dead serious. What the heck. It was very OOC for most of the characters [well, it was only our lovely, vampiric protagonist and his bride; but, I digress, it was out of character for them to be so 'all over each other'.] It was tasteful, I mean, definately nothing to shatter anyone's innocence; but, it did allude to things for those of you who are gutter-minded.
AND THEN....it turns into....fanfiction. According to my sister it was: "Edward and Bella sittin' in a tree.... K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love [well duh, they had the first three books for that mess] and then comes marriage [Chapter 3] and then comes--WHAT THE CRAP--Bella with a baby carriage." I kid not. Believe me. I wish I was kidding. This is the point in the story where Ink stared dumbfoundedly at the book laying open on her lap and was thinking some very unlady like words.
And then, it gets all better with the freakin' awesome chapter titles from Jacob's point of veiw. Ah, lovely little creepy werewolf boy who has stolen the hearts of many. [laughs] My sista and I are going to quote some of our favourite chapter titles. "Why Didn't I Just Walk Away? Oh Yeah, Because I'm An Idiot". Was probably the best chapter title, that and "You Know Things Are Bad When You Feel Guilty For Being Rude To Vampires". Oh yes, Jake, you smart-aleck. Anyways, Jacob absolutely did NOT disappoint in this book. For all the BellaXJacob shippers out there, they'll be sorely diasppointed seeing as Bella is pregnant with Edward's vampire spawn for the first friggin' half of the book; but, regardless Jake has his happy ending, as well a few well-aimed blonde jokes at Rosalie's expense. I will get into his happily-ever-after after I rant about another lovely little werewolf boy....
SEEEEEETH. Oh, Seth. Seth, Seth, Seth, Seth, Seth. SETH!!! [glomps] My sister and I are now Seth fangirls. Yes, Seth, darling, you have kindled the inner fangirl in us! Darn you! Anyways, I absolutely adore Seth, and his unswerving loyalty to Jacob and the vampires. He's so cute, and cuddley, and warm. I love him. Cutie-pie. Ok, back to Jacob.
But before that, choas ensues because Bella is dying from [according to my sister, and don't you dare think I actually would say this, and my sister is kidding with this, so don't blame the lame-ness on her, either] baby-poison. Apparently, my understanding of this is, Bella is human [d'oh] Edward is a vampire [even more d'oh] they mix their happy, little, different, species genes together and you get HALF HUMAN HALF VAMPIRE thing that is kicking the life out of Bells, and is eating her away from the inside, basically. At least, that's my understanding of it. Obviously, the kid is smarter than normal, having one rather intelligent vampire parent helps in the smartness-department, so once Edward and Bella tell the thing [while it's still inside if ya know what I mean....ahem] that he/she can't do that anymore or else Bella will die. She'll be D-E-D, dead. Anyways, Bella is already wasting away from malnutrtion, so [get this] she starts drinking blood. So vampire baby is all happy again, until Bella [being Bella] rips sumthin' in there and Edward and Jacob do an emergency C-section. Edward, in a last ditch effort to save Bella, changes her. BUT, not after Renesmee [LAMENESS ensues from the name. It's a mix of Renee--Bella's mom's name--and Esme--Edward's adoptive mother's name--Yes, Bella, you're soooooo creative.] is born. Long story short, Bella, inevitably becomes a vampire. Didn't see that one coming. [/sarcasm]
P L O T T W I S T
Jacob imprints.
On Renesmee.
Weeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrd.
Another long story short--Renesmee is being hunted by the ever-present, ever-creepy, ever-cowardly Volturi. More shortening, some awesome vamp named Garrett [awesome name, I know] lays it into them and they run away like dogs with their tails between their legs. But, not after they've pulled together a varitable vampire army to use as witnesses to Nessie's [that's Renesmee's nickname, by the way. Yes, it's supposed to be like the monster in Scotland.] innocence [the freaky Italian hoard of vampires is mistaken about her. They think she's a really young vampire not a half-human-half-vampire baby.] Anyways, Volturi's gone, they find Renesmee [who is rapidly aging at this point] is going to stop aging after a couple more years and is going to be permantely teenaged, like her parents. Can't say that'd be a good thing--but if you're surrounded by sexy, awesome vampires and werewolfs, I don't think it'd be a very sucky existence. So, everybody gets to have their cake and eat it too. Yipee. Jake gets Nessie. Ed and Bells get together. Even friggin' Charlie gets with somebody!! So, there were a couple of loose ends, like what happened with Seth. [Our vote goes to pimpin' it somewhere with a ton of girlfriends. Ha. We can see it though! Seth is a beast like that. You know.] [giggles]
Anyways, overall, it was a good book. My final thoughts were, it was nothing I expected it to be, but overall it was pretty darn good. I mean, no one could see anything like that happening, so it caught us off guard--but it was a good way to end it. I guess in a way, with this ending you don't feel empty like you're waiting for more. Like when Avatar the Last Airbender ended we were like: "What the heck?! MORE PLEEEEEEAAAASE!!" But with Twilight, it was more like, "Ah, I see where this is going". It tied up pretty much all of the loose ends. Charlie even got to get in on the whole charade. Well, not the whole charade. He did learn about the werewolves [considering Jake phased in front of the poor man. Gotta say, Jake stripping and turning into a big wolf would probably be a pretty awesome sight. Haha.] and the rest he's on a 'need-to-know' basis.
So, that's the end, me thinks. I mean, overall it was a pretty beast book. I'm not gonna lie, the beginning was a let down--but the end was highly worth waiting for. And if you've read this far and want a real post out of me, sorry to dissapoint; but, Ink's life has been pretty darn boring as of late, so I guess I'll close with that. Go check out the book if I haven't completely ruined it for you all yet. [laughs] I did say this contained spoilers!!!
