so i can make a wonderful mark as this being a horrible week. yes. a chem exam i found out about a week after everyone else. (which i failed, ofcourse) and realization of how im screwing myself over with life. My grade suck because I'm soooo freaking apathetic towards everything.
rightright it sounds like another rant. it isnt, really. I don't like ranting on the internet for the mere fact that noone on it really cares and it throws you out as an attention whore :u
what I'm questioning is why I find life so miserable... yet it isnt. I have good parents, an education in the making (after i get off my ass and work on it), very close friends who i could trust with my life... and yet...life doesnt seem worth it.
it frustrates me honestly. I hate life yet i love it. I live it with fun yet i grieve the fact i cant find a point to live it. *sighs*
being a realist has its downsides i guess. I cant look at things as something to make me happy...more of something that just happens. If i got a 99% in chem...whats to celebrate? Im gonna go off and die eventually anyway and noone will even notice in the long run. compared to stars i dont exist.
but i was chosen among thousands to even exist at all...I was the strongest and created a zygote B<
Im an optimist-pessimist...and sorry. despite knowing its just...i dont know. i feel better putting things out. i cant vent through art so i vent through words. (which contridicts how i cant express myself through words, but i can through art :.> )
I'm honestly just tired of looking at the glass half empty and i want to activly change myself somehow. still finding the solution.
and for a note. I really really am not fishing for sympathy orz I've just been like this after taking one thing so personally that it ruined me way back in 9th grade.
--------------
AFTER WITH GOOD STUFF PEOPLE MIGHT ACTUALLY READ
ah. I've doodled so much lately. alot of it was attempted ventings that turned into scribbles that turned into something happy.....wut
*cant vent for the life of me through art LOL*
this one was something i drew while sulking in front of the computer while i was failing to study thursday night. Saisai told me to draw it so i did B<...i was uninspired because of the stress that week threw at me lawl orz
excuse the horrible quality...i scanned it directly into paint and didnt adjust it at all :c
I'm lazy right now else id scan something...maybe later when im a little more upbeat :u
