My name is Jt, and because I am in the land of people trying to look at my blog and find out where I live so they can show up at twelve at night and duct tape me up, put me in a trunk, and cut me into pieces five miles away from the closest town, I refuse on those grounds to divulge my last name. I actually have plenty of time to spend on computers but usually im working on some project or learning c#. I like Rock harder than classic but most of the time not screamo music. I also like anime and manga (duh right). Heres one of my favortie AMV's from one of my favorite anime's.
So, for some reason or other, I feel the need to let you people know why there's NEVER an update on this world. Luminare no longer has a computer. His father GAVE IT AWAY. I feel so bad for him because now he has absolutely no access to the internet unless he's at school. Our school has managed to block EVERYTHING so there's really no point. Funny thing is, they didn't block theO. He's just too lazy to get on here during the school day I guess... Hmm, I wonder if he'll read this any time soon.. Lol, I kinda hope so. XD
so today was basically boring until about 4 i went over to linds house my friend and we just hung out all day. i love her soo much i can talk to her about anything and shes at the point where she can almost talk to me in the same capacity. she knows me really well and we have so much in common and we just clic. shes amazingly intelegent though sometimes she says shes dumb shes not shes very insightful if not booksmart. shes honestly the nicest person i think that ive ever met. sigh, i go on about her like im a love struck puppy... maybe i am. guys let me tell you if you have a girl because yo want to show her as a prize you are despicable. women should be treated as your queen they should have your utmost respect and love and attention. you should never do wrong by her if you can help it. treat her like youd die for her and if the time comes do it. linds made me realize this that women arnt as my dad drills in my head monsters that some might be but some and maybe a majority are actually very majestic and caring beings. i think in all honesty that id give my life for her if the time asked me to.
im sorry if this seems like a bunch of disjointed thoughts but i was writing as it left my fingertips because thats the kind of mood im in right now.
ok so my title has nothing to do with this post at all. today was an amazingly fun day i woke up basicaly in time to go to the girls house from now on imma call her L. and we hung out all day today between 11 and 9:30 longest time ive honestly ever spent time with someone. we went walking and we talked about some things and it was just a great day. i honestly like her more than just a friend.
she doesnt know what to do with me i think. i mean yea we both agree that we are really close. however shes like confused on how far she wants to take the relationship. im afraid to take it anywhere as well considering if something happens to us and we do take it farther then we can never go back. ive waited all my life for someone like her though and finally ive found her. im reluctant to screw that up, but on the other hand ive wanted forever to find someone like her to spend my life with. its so confusing id do anything for her and if that meant to just be friends id do it but then again im hoping against hope that thats not the case.
its so confusing i hate not knowing what i want and what would be best, i mean the scale is continuously tipping in one way or the other. On one i think its to much a risk of losing an amazing friend like her but on the other i want nothing more than to hold her and lay on the couch and watch a movie or something. its so freaking confusing i have no idea what to do...
ok so in the last post i talked about how i like this girl and i thought thatd id write here a little bit about that.
for the longest time i had been depressed because i didnt have a girlfriend, i thought how could anyone like me, im fat and unattractive no one wants someone like me for a boyfriend and for a while it seemed to be true and so i kept spiraling down and down into a deep abyss with at the time no way out. while i was in this abyss i met someone else albiet over the internet. i had never met him before and short of the game we play still have never met him, however he was in the same place i was, somehow both of us helped the other one out of this abyss that we were perpetually trapped in.
after that we continued talking and we somehow got on the subject of why we wanted a girlfriend so bad. we came up with a list of reasons.
1. we wanted someone to please someone dear to us someone who we loved so much we would give our lives for
2. we wanted someone we could talk to when we were in a state of depression someone who would listen to us and if we needed it someone who would care enough to give us there honest opinion and not sugarcoat it or be overly mean
3. we wanted someone to hold to lay on a couch with in our arms and watch a movie someone whould would come home stressed and we could rub there shoulders and back and help alleviate that stress. someone to show love for in a non-sexual physical realted way
the girl that i met (who is probablly reading this) embodies perfectly the first two of these, i have yet to find something i dont like about her, sure she has her quirks but that makes me like her all the more. she listens to me when im down, mad, or just in a really good mood, and in the short while ive known her she has grown on me to such a degree that she is the closest of all my friends to my heart she is even above my family and i would do anything at all for her.
if your reading this i meant every last word i said. this isnt some ploy to get you to like me back but i felt like i wanted to tell you exactly how i feel about you, i had to get this off my chest but short of just now i didnt know how to put it eloquently enough and so i carried it like atlas carries the world for quiet a while. now i have been able to set it out there for you and hope that this only makes our friendship that much stronger.
