I've been depressed recently.
To be honest, I'm not even sure why.
All I know is that:
1) I've been given too much alone time to think.
- Thinkings bad, very bad. I always, Always, always, find a way to hate myself.
2) I've been too isolated, too alone.
- I need someone and I need them soon. Being around friends clouds this and makes me feel less alone but right now... at times like this I need someone's arms around me.
And,
3) I'm having attacks. Of some kind. I can't put my finger on the title of it or the cause but more and more I've been having attacks. It starts off with paranoia, then I feel like I can't breath and the room gets smaller and smaller.
And I get the feeling that I Have to Get out.
I feel like if I don't then I'll lose control,
that I'll fall apart, lose all my air,
Drown.
That's it.
It feels like I am drowning.
It's happened twice today.
It's getting worse.
It started with once a week and it wasn't nearly as powerful.
Strange that it happened on the day that I actually got out. I went to the mall and the movies with friends. But then... in the movie theater... even when it was such a big room...
the guys next to me were talking. Then they sprayed something... they moved around so much..
I felt they were dangerous.
And then I felt like the walls closed in.
Like even though I was in the back row I could put my hand out and touch the screen.
Then I couldn't breath.
I had to get out. or at least move away from those guys.
So I moved next to Twiliwolf-chan.
I thought I was okay.
But then as I told her that I had a bad feeling about those guys, I had to run away.
I had to get out.
I left the theater for a few minutes.
Then just a few minutes ago it happened again.
In my own house, my own room.
I think the second one was because I had just watched
"the other berlin girl" (sp)
Even though I was already depressed.
I hate this.
What the hell is going on?
(sorry. No questions today)
-Pic of the day-
