How I Relate
Like I said in the intro, this part isn't going to be about how greedy I am. It's how I relate to Greed as a character. If you haven't figured this out already, I'm going by the manga/"Brotherhood" storyline. Just assume that for the rest of this post in case I forget to mention it again.
Like Greed, I feel like I'm the odd one out in my family. I know I have a much stronger sense of family than he does, but there are times when I feel really distant from everyone.
I guess I could say the same with society. For the most part, I feel like I'm hiding in the shadows as the world just kind of goes on. I'm not much for interacting with people. I avoid approaching them whenever possible. Mostly, I don't mind keeping to myself, and sometimes it doesn't even dawn on me to interact with others when I have the option to do so.
It was last summer when I was walking home, a bag of groceries in each hand, and thinking to myself. A theory came to mind. I entertained it, but cast it aside, thinking it a bit silly.
It was sometime later that I wasn't the only one with this theory. I was browsing DevaintART when, on a whim, I decided to check out the Daily Deviations (featured artwork of the day). I was looking through the artwork, checking to see if I recognized any art, artists, or suggesters, when the username of one suggester jumped out at me. He called himself "homunculus". With some numbers tacked on the end 'cause it's the Internet.
Wondering if this person was a fellow "Fullmetal" fan, I clicked on his name. While browsing through his artwork and favorites, I was disappointed to see that he clearly wasn't (and yes, I do know that "homunculus" is a real word that doesn't necessarily mean "a creature created by alchemy"). What I did find out about this person was something quite different.
I read one of his poems, which was about his thoughts on Asperger's syndrome (a mild form of autism). Feeling gutsy, I commented. Then I realized he was online at that very moment. We engaged in a conversation where I learned that he actually had the disorder. I asked him about his username. He replied that "homunculus" has many definitions, though the one he was going by was "an artificial human being". As he saw it, that's the way a lot of "Aspies" feel from time to time. Then he added that I was the first person to ask him about his username.
Now, I feel very hesitant as I type this, because somehow I think it will come back to haunt me, but I have been clinically diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. And this was before it was a "thing". I told him that I had the disorder too, but I didn't tell him that he affirmed my theory.
I am a homunculus. My life makes sense now.
Now, that's all well and good, but where does Greed specifically fit in? The answer lies within my weird way of thinking. Autism is a spectrum. The differences in cases can be drastic. While some can mix with society (albeit with effort), others can't even speak. The functionality of the homunculi in Fullmetal Alchemist ranges widely as well, with Wrath at the very top and Sloth at the bottom.
Now this is not based on the personalities of these characters. It's all about how they interact with humans and each other. I'd say that I'm about at Greed's level-- and no, I didn't rig it that way.
Like Greed, I don't completely relate to humans. But also like Greed, I look human upon first glance. It's only once you get to know me better that my metaphorical pointed teeth and abnormal eyes begin to show through. As a friend of mine who has known me since high school once said to me jokingly, "You're not human."
I actually find myself hanging around a lot of other people who are disabled. Chimeras, if you will. They're good people, and fun to be around in groups. But being more "advanced" than most of them, I rose to the top of the pecking order pretty quickly.
Now the really weird part is how I interact with other "homunculi". As I said, it's a spectrum. Some are far more easy to get along with than others. One-on-one, it can be hard to deal with each other. I'm not sure how to act around them, and they aren't sure how to act around me. This results in awkward silences that I feel obligated to fill, but can't. I'm sure that I drive some of them crazy, because there are some out there that make me just as nuts. Sometimes I think, "I can't stand you-- oh wait-- I AM you."
I realize that typing this out makes me seem like an arrogant jerk. I don't mean it like that. Despite what I said, I really want to form connections and bonds with people. Interactions. Friendships. Love. I do want it all. I'm just not sure how to get it-- or give it back.
