long time, no theotaku... heh.
well.. i can't lie, life has been really hard.
about a month ago, my mom passed away from cancer. it was really sudden.. she basically had given up on treatment and also decided that she wasn't going to take her insulin anymore for her diabetes. we thought that she had at least half a year left. but she was worse than we thought.
i had called her ambulance because she was in so much pain, and that was the last time i saw her.
we had the funeral and everything, so we've been trying to move on. but honestly it doesn't feel like she's really gone. even now. i keep finding myself wandering to her room to tell her about things but then i remember...
after her passing, i've been the one to take on her responsibilities in the household. and on top of my own issues, this is hard. trying to keep the house clean when all my stepdad and half brother want to do is destroy it. trying to find a job. i've had to postpone college. everything is stressful. and i'm trying the best i can, but...
i've also been struggling really bad with my body image and dysphoria. worse than its ever been. i want to talk with my meds consultant about maybe starting gender therapy or something but i feel like it'd cause problems with my family so i'm refraining.
um... my 21st birthday is coming up! and it's going to be great. my squad is having fun planning it and i'm excited. i honestly can't believe i've made it this far in life haha.
the Not So Distant Future Life Plan is to move out next year, close to my boyfriend's town with him. so i can start school, he can finish school. then after that's done, we can both move to my city to stay. i'm not looking forward to living in such a small town but it's only for a year or two. and it's only about an hour and a half away from where i currently live so i'll survive.
i guess that's all i've got going on right now, so i'll end this post. i hope everyone is doing well. i still love you all very much okay? i haven't forgotten this place and it's lovely otaku peeps <3
-Kai
