I'm calmer than I have been since Friday, so I thought it's time for me to go ahead and post this.
Tim, that I babysit for, is dead. He committed suicide. It's a very long story and I've been talking about it all weekend, trying to deal, so I don't feel like posting it right now. Maybe another time. Long story short, he thought he was going to lose his kids. It would have been okay if he'd just waited it out, but he didn't know that. Based on the autopsy and the note he left, they think he purposely didn't take his blood pressure medication and heart pills, knowing that his stress level would cause a heart attack. He was a paramedic, he would have been able to figure it out.
I'm surprisingly okay right now. Better than I have been in nearly a week. His roommate Sam came over today and we all talked, and we all feel better. Sam will have custody of three year old Gracie. She would take baby Alicia if she could, but she just can't handle her son, Gracie, and a baby. She just can't. Alicia will almost definitely go to her aunt. I've never met this aunt, but she and Sam have talked and Sam told her enough about us that she said I'm her first choice babysitter and we can see Alicia whenever we want. The meeting to decide custody is tomorrow, so please pray that Aunt Stephanie gets custody.
We've really bonded with Sam since it happened. I knew her but not very well, but now we see her a lot. She brings the baby over while she goes to work. She's really made sure to tell us everything that's going on, which means so much. She knows how much Tim and the kids mean to us. Tim had lent me some old crappy horror movies because we both liked them, and Sam let me keep them. It's just movies, but it meant a lot. She said when she's allowed to take things out of the house (she was a tenant, so she can't move anything yet) she's going to bring me some more of his movies.
So that's it. If I'm not around much I'm just trying to deal. But I feel okay right now. I hope it lasts.