Hey hey,
It's really weird having short hair. O_O It's like...there's no hair in my eyes and mouth now! :OOO
Hahhahahahaha
But yeah, since a few of you wanted to see a pic of me, I'll put one up once I stop looking like a 14-year old lesbian.
So went swimming today. That was the first time in almost a year. So it was really weird, since swimming use to be such a huge thing in my life. And now I don't get into lane swim workouts very often now. But that's one thing I'm thinking I may aim to change. Partly because I enjoy it, but also because I feel like I'm getting all out of shape now :/
Anyways, just wanted to let everyone know that I WILL post a picture eventually. SO STOP HARASSING ME IN CHAT D:<
*shot*
Hahahahahhaa
Off to do some reading and gaming,
- Kastom
So I got my hair cut today.
As I sat down, I began to think of the life I had with this hairstyle. I began it in the summer between Grade 10 and 11. I had just gotten into anime, and, being who I am, became obsessed with the hair I saw. I knew that my hair would not be able to achieve such gravity-defying feats as most styles did, so I settled on something that I believed I would be able to achieve. As such, my next haircut, I decided to let some parts grow long and spikey.
And that was how it began.
So I got my hair cut today.
But it was not the usual trim. I was not merely doing away with some hair like we do away with some of ourselves every so often, and decide to change one or two things, but stay pretty much the same. I had decided to change the style entirely; as though one were to look at themselves, and decide it was a time for them to change part of who they are.
So I got my hair cut today.
And as the pieces of my hair fell around me, I thought about the person I had become in these past five years (almost). Who I was, what I valued, and how I thought others saw me all began to flood my mind. "Am I really happy with this?" I asked myself.
I thought about my many nuances, my preferences, how I acted in various situations…I thought about who I was as a person, and where everything I had become came from. I began to see various things that I realized were truly childish feelings and actions, yet ones that I had become accustomed to, and so excused them from being discarded as I matured. I had argued that they were not childish, but were necessary to whom I am.
So I got my hair cut today.
And as more and more of my hair dropped, I began to make promises to myself. I knew that not all I would keep. Some were far too extreme to be able to just suddenly tell myself I would follow through. But others I knew I could, and would make the effort for. I told myself that I would discard these things that I had now deemed no longer "what I wanted", just I as I discarded the hair that now lay below me.
And as the last of the hair was shorn from me, I told myself that it was time to change.
I have always thought of myself as a mature person. I know that I do have the responsibility and maturity to take care of myself properly on my own.
But is that really enough; all that I want?
I felt that it was now a time for a change. I had been growing over the years, no doubt of that. But I had been bringing other things with me as well. I had been collecting for far too long, and was now feeling the weight of all the things I had gathered to be me, and realized that I needed a change of style.
It was time to cut away some of who I was.
So as my hair cut was finished, I began to shower.
The bits of hair that had stuck to me itched. Who knows whether or not these things I had decided to get rid of would indeed be what I wanted to be rid of? But I felt that I at least had to change, otherwise I would never know.
And so I washed, and the pieces of hair fell away. I felt relieved. I felt like I had made a good choice.
As I reached for shampoo, and began to put some into my hand, I caught myself using way too much. I had much less hair now, I no longer needed…I no longer HAD so much to wash. Maybe with my new choices, I wouldn’t feel the need to wash away as much; need to get rid of as much of what I felt were mistakes that I had been making with how I acted.
And as I stepped out of the shower, and looked at my new hair for the first time, dreading to see what I expected to be terrible, I was surprised.
I liked what I saw.
Had his hair cut today,
- Kastom
Hey hey,
So after reading the comments on my last post, I realize that I did not express myself properly/exaggerated my feelings at the time.
Basically, I have at no point been scared of getting surgery on my knee per se. I really don't think the word "scared" fits anywhere in my feelings. I think the better word would be...annoyed. I mean, it's the way life goes. These things happen, so eh. I'm just annoyed at the idea that I'd have to go through the hassle of surgery, rehab, and the idea that my knee may not be as strong.
Whatever the case, did the xray today, so now just have to wait for a radiologist to figure out if anything is wrong, and if there is, what.
On another note, I'm almost for sure going to cut my hair on the weekend. And not just the usual trim...I'm going to stop the anime/video game hair.
I know, it'd a big, life-changing thing.
*laughs*
But seriously, it actually is a pretty big decision for me. And it's not only because I'm weirdly obsessed with my hair XP
I've had this hair style for five years now. Most people I know haven't seen me with more normal hair. And since my hair is rather...out of the ordinary, it feels like I'll be removing one of the staples of me. Like, I'm always having people commenting on how they like my hair, or think it's crazy, etc. Like, perfect example: over the Christmas break, a few friends and I went to a pool hall. And while we were playing, a person came over to our table and was like, "Tom?!" It's really dark in the place, but he said, "I saw the weird hair and knew it could only be one person." XP So, it's just things like that.
AND YES I KNOW I'M OBSESSING IT'S WHAT I DO GET USE TO IT.
:P
Anyways, yeah.
*laughs*
Wants more wine,
- Kastom
Hey hey,
So a few things happened yesterday, but one is completely dominating my mind.
I had my annual Doctor's check-up yesterday, so the usual thing. I'm all healthy and good, so that's always fun.
I decided to tell her about my knee. It seems to be pretty much fine now (it's been about a month since I had the ski accident), and only hurts when I bend it completely, or kneel on it. Also, there IS still some swelling, and part of it is still numb, but I can walk and run and the like, so I figure I'm good.
Still, the one thing that's been kinda bothering me is that there feels like a slight...chip or ridge or something on my kneecap. It doesn't hurt really, but you can feel it when you run a finger over my kneecap, so I'm just like, :/
The main thing is that I don't want to end up in the situation where in a few years someone is like, "Yep, you should have done [this] when you hurt yourself...". My Doctor agreed, and she decided to send me out for some xrays. So I'm doing that tomorrow.
What's really had me more than a little freaked out though is what she said could be wrong with my knee. She does think that it's probably nothing, but since I'm so active, I really should get it checked. Because in the worst case scenario, what has happened is that I've fractured my kneecap longitudinally, and right now the two pieces are just being held together by my tendons and muscle. And that's why it hurts still when I bend my knee fully: I'm actually pulling the two pieces apart.
O_O
Yeah, so, now I'm like mildly freaking out. It's highly unlikely that that's what has happened, but if that is the case, I may need surgery, and they'll have to wire my kneecap together. In my head I'm just like, constantly repeating "Fuck fuck fuck my knee is gonna be broken and ruined for my life I'll never be able to play soccer or ski or do flips again FUUUUUUCK".
It IS unlikely that that's the problem, but my imagination is flipping out. Holy crap I'm actually really rather scared. Knee surgery fucking scares the hell out of me. Gaaaaah
So I'll find out tomorrow. o_o
Can't stop thinking about it,
- Kastom
Hey hey,
So had a really sweet weekend. Spent the entire weekend watching the Olympics and playing DS. XD It was awesome.
Opening ceremonies were amazing. Such crazy light shows O_O Utterly amazing...
Also...GRETZKY! GRETZKY CA...
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