Hey,
Gah, it's been bothering me for years. But last year and so far this year it's been especially tough.
Deciding what kind of person I want to be.
Take for instance, last night.
My two roommates were going to a friend of ours' place. Well, more their's than mine, I only kind of knew her. She and her roommates lived on our floor last year, and while I kind of talked with them a bit last year, I usually was just in the group when when others would talk. I don't know how much I actually directly talked TO any of the girls.
That's one thing about me. I am unbelievably awkward around girls. Sometimes. Generally. Actually, it`s hard to classify, so I'll just leave it at generally.
Anyways, they were going to their place because it was one of their birthday's, so she was having a party, then everyone was going to go out to a club. At first I was like, yeah, I don't really want to go. My roommates convinced me to come along, at least for a while, so we went out and bought some beer, and a little while later went there.
On the way over, I was pretty excited and happy that I had decided to go, as I was feeling like I was in a party sort of mood.
Basically, I ended up staying there for about 2 hours, drank some, talked with a few of my friends (all male, lol) from my floor last year, then just decided to leave due to boredom.
I came back to my place, and then three of my Physics friends and I watched an episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (Space Mutiny! - "How dare you insult my knowledge of ancient dentistry!"), went on my computer for a bit, then went to bed.
The whole thing is that I just can't decide what kind of person I want to be. I like to party and drink and stuff, sometimes. And other times I just want to sit with some friends and play video games or something. Almost always, I lean in the direction of video games, etc., but I DO enjoy drinking and stuff sometimes. And both have their pros and cons. Partying and stuff has fewer pros, but there are a few that are indeed very strong. 'Cause I DO have a lot of fun generally when I drink and stuff, and then there is also the fact that I can meet girls this way. Which is one of the (if not the main) con of the other way of living: there are no girls.
Sure, there are a bunch of you on here that are awesome! But really, in real life, I've only ever met one girl that was into video games and anime, etc. I thought that when I came to Waterloo it'd be so easy to find girls that like that stuff here, but once again, they don't seem to exist.
Gah. Like really, I haven't actually had a conversation with a girl for probably 2-3 months. I have maybe said a thing or two to a few girls since then, but it was always random things with my friend's friend or something.
My problem is that girls that I meet through my partying side, I always find boring and/or disgusting (actually I think that about most people I meet that way, both guys and girls, lol), and then girls don't exist in my nerd side.
Blarg.
Anyways, sorry for the rant.
On to happier things...I MADE A CAKE TODAY. A BIG CHOCOLATE CAKE, WITH LOTS AND LOTS OF CHOCOLATE ICING. Mmmmmm. I can't wait to eat it! I love baking...it's so much fun and tastes so gooooood....
Anime Club tonight, and Movie Sign tomorrow! So looking forward to them.
Anyways, I really should get some studying done. I have three midterms next week. Gah. And my other two classes have their usual weekly assignments due thursday and friday, and I also have a lab on tuesday.
This week is going to be hell. But I need to just buckle down, study, and if worse comes to worse, I'll just not do the assignments, considering how much more important the midterms are. I need to keep up my average.
Cheers everyone,
- Kastom
