A thought I received at around 3 in the morning after reading Wayboy's "What Must Never Be". Fairly mediocre writing on my part, but hey, that's early AM writing for you when you've pulled a bussing shift at work and should've gone to sleep hours previous.
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I am so stupid.
How could I have thought that I would not get hurt? Even though the dangers were made clear, it just felt like it was something that couldn’t happen to me. It was like being in driver’s ed all over again and watching the videos of the kids, all of them my age, who had died. It was a realistic feeling, but still one that was remote, still distant.
I was such an idiot.
Like those videos had said, like my teachers had said, like my parents had said – like everyone said – I had been a stupid kid. I thought myself invincible.
But there was a difference.
When I was normal, when I simply went to school, drove to work, hung out with friends, I was powerless. I could punch and kick, but beyond that, I was less than impressive when it came to fighting and self-defense. My naivety told me I could rely on the adrenaline of the moment that would come from having to attack, but in the back of my head, I knew I was being stupid by thinking such.
It was the gauntlets that made me different.
The call to arms, the call to adventure, the call to war – I was so ready for it. It was like something from the genre I loved so much, suddenly made real. Like all of my friends, I accepted the call, and received my weapon.
To be truthful, I was a bit disappointed at first by the gauntlets. They weren’t majestic or impressive, just dingy bits of leather that made gloves. But I soon grew to love them like the underdogs that they were, since that was my way. They were inconspicuous, so that whenever me and my crew had to pop into a diner to eat, they weren’t items that were difficult to hide. Also, they produced energy blasts, which is just amazing.
And that was my downfall.
I was just so sure of myself. But not just that – I thought that me and my teammates were the heroes. And as the heroes, we were destined to win, destined to go without casualty. When this all was over, we’d head back on home, writing off the absences as a mere part of summer vacation. I would return to my bed and, before long, would go to college.
Why did I not think of it.
The most bizarre feeling in the world would most definitely be dying. I didn’t even know it was happening until I looked around me and saw…nothing. Everywhere around me was inexplicable. Nothing made sense, but nothing was unexplainable. It was something just entirely…different.
The first to break off were the gauntlets, disintegrating away as if being pulled apart, breaking into tiny flecks of their material before vanishing entirely. I tried to make a noise but was silenced by the breath being choked from my lungs.
I couldn’t breathe, but it didn’t seem to matter, as my mind remained in a state of clear. There was no pain. But at the same time, there was no relief.
Next were my worn-out navy blue Converse, pulled off my feet and dragging my socks with them, crumbling into dust and dropping onto my toes. Then the sleeves of my grey jacket went next, pulled off by its thread, the pieces snapping and bursting away. The jeans and t-shirt went in a similar manner, and soon I was left in that void, completely bare – or so I thought.
There was one more item I had completely forgotten about until they fell into my eyes, the strap slipping off my head. For a few moments, my vision was blue, but soon became clear as they were slowly pulled away.
The goggles.
They were all I had left.
What is wrong with you?! my brain screamed as I reached my hand out for them. Why do you place so much into them?!
Why did I reach for them and not the gauntlets? They latter gave me power, the former just sat atop my head. They did nothing.
The goggles do nothing my teammates had joked whenever we had a moment to do so. I would just grin and laugh, swatting off their comments. In all honestly, I liked them because they looked cool…even if they did serve no practical purpose.
But still, I yearned for them, my slowly fading arm reaching out to grab onto the strap. I had to try, I just had to, if I could get my hands on them I’d – I’d do – something -
I succeeded.
They felt so heavy in my hands, which were still fading. Pulling out the last of whatever was left in me, I set the goggles back around my head, letting the strap snap against my ears before slumping in my posture.
"They’re all I have left." My last words. "Let me keep them..."
I could give up now.
Mom…Dad…I’m so sorry.
There was one last punch, one last pull, one last segment of me ripped apart. It left a hollow feeling in my chest, which soon spread to my limbs, crawling up my spine, its grip saturating into my brain. The panic kicked in, but just as quickly as it did…it was gone.
No longer did I feel tired, no longer did my body ache. But I didn’t feel relieved or happy. I just…didn’t.
But before any of this could really process, the confusing world was gone, leaving a wide-open field in its place.
Now what.
