... what it feels like to be in love. It's not a good feeling...
I'm not even sure if I feel lonely or not anymore, but either way, the feeling of nothing being there or the same as before does not feel good... When I'm like this, it makes me wonder... "What if Mr. Right came along right now and I couldn't feel anything?" I feel if guys were to approach me right now, I wouldn't be responsive enough, therefore ruining my opportunities... However, part of me wants to be saved... For the most part, I've lost a lot of motivation for things... I don't know.
Why do I even have to feel like this? I don't wanna burden you guys with this =/ But it's not like I can talk to anyone in real life about it. Or at least, I don't feel that I can... even though I have nice friends who'll listen. I want to figure out why I feel somewhat empty inside. Even when it involves the guy I like, I'm afraid things aren't the same anymore...
I don't understand... I do know that I've been talking to more than one guy and that 2 had been interested, although I think one of them has moved on. One expressed that he's interested, but I'm not sure how I feel because I don't know him all that well... The guy that I'd been interested in, I've discovered we're quite opposite, though I still enjoy joking with him, pfft... but things don't really feel the same...
On top of that, there the engaged guy who I've really hit it off with. I mean COME ON, really? I feel like I should give up because I'd been so careful with trying not to step on anyone's toes and see which way is the right way to go, I don't even know if I care anymore. I mean, why is it that when you feel lonely, sometimes you want to be left alone which only makes you feel lonlier? I don't know if what I'm feeling is even lonliness because I want to lock myself away, but just the fact that I feel that hurts because I don't want to lock myself away but I'm losing my motivation and wondering if I'm going in the right direction to find a suitable partner who I can love and will make me feel loved...
*sigh* I've ranted. Again. orz I just don't know, guys... I gonna go now. Ja ne...
