About this guy I've liked pretty mucch since I've gotten to college... In general, I've always felt I have the tendancy to fall for guys I can't have... However... I feel like there might've been signs that maybe there might be a spark this time.
Though I've been kinda afraid to go much further... Especially when he says "Yep, I think I'll be stayin' single for a while..." I mean, it could be interpreted in two different ways, y'know? Like the first is "Yeeeeaaah... I'm really not interested..." and the second could be "Hey, I'm leaving myself available, so make a move already!" Plus, there are other indications that he may like me back, I dunno...
Some people might say "Well, stop being a chicken already and make a move!" And my response to that would be... "UP YOURS!" ... XD;; Okay, maybe not so much that (if you call me a chicken, I'll rip your ass off...). I know that doing nothing will yield nothing, but as I've been rejected more than I'd care for before I'd even developed as a person (heck, I still need to develop a lot XD), it's left me kinda raw... I've been a sheltered girl pretty much all my life. I've been pushing myself to come out of my shell in some ways and I've made some friends because I've been less shy... However, in matters of love and relationships and dating, I'm like a baby deer on ice... I really am pretty clueless in picking up on signs and it would be nice if I knew how to... I can only really be myself and hope that's enough. But because I'm shy on the outside and aggresive on the inside... it might not be enough XD;; I divulge too much about myself when I should probably create some mystery... I keep quiet when I should probably speak the truth... And I'm stubborn as hell... There are some things people would tell me that would make me just shut things out... Especially with him XD; He lectures me a lot XD ... Although it's annoying, in a way, it's one of those things I love about him... *sigh* We're kinda opposites, but pfft... I think it's in my nature to like a conflict... I do find it kinda boring if there's not enough of a chase. If the person is shy and passive... well, that'll work for me sometimes, but not all the time. Sometimes I would prefer a guy speak his mind and be assertive... but I don't like a guy to be pushy all the time, otherwise I'd be tempted to just kick him in the head... =>_>;= As you can see, I'm quite repressed, so I'm triggered a bit more easily than usual XD; *someone in the bg says in a sing-song tone: bi-pooool-laaar~* =>_>;= *throws a rock at them*
*exhales* I guess I kinda need to rant... I just feel rather frustrated because I'd been feeling like I haven't got a chance with this guy or rather that things wouldn't work out because of the way things are now... So I'd been trying to accept dates from other guys, but at the same time... I cannot feel the spark that I want because I'm still thinking about him. I figured if I found someone else, that eventually things would fade away... But it's not fair to anyone to go off half-heartedly... I haven't really wanted to ruin my friendship with him and that's the main reason why I wouldn't seriously move forward. But Unless things work out or I'm completely rejected CLEARLY so I can undrstand he's not interested at all... I want to hear it to my face so I know... I can't really move on otherwise. I don't necessarily want to cry, but I'm crying anyway because I'm holding everything in and missing this guy OTZ Ha... watch, next thing I know, he'll have a girlfriend cuz he met the girl of his dreams during break >XP *sigh* I have no idea what I'm even saying anymore... I told myself I'd makae this a short post... =>_>;= And now look at it... =-_-;= Ah well...
I would be happy if he felt even a fraction of the same way, but I have to also be prepared to cry things out if/when I find out he really never will. I want to believe that I would eventually find my soul mate, whether it'd be him or not. Pffffft.... orz It's just the wondering and the lonliness thhat gets to me. Mostly, though, I'm lonely for him... OKAY NOW I'M STARTING TO SOUND DEPRESSING! DX< *slaps face and shakes head* BAh! I'm so pathetic right now! DX<<
I'mma just end this post here... If anybody wants to shake me violently so I can snap outta this, please feel free (although if I'm in a bad mood, don't be surprised if I bite back...) Anywho, I'm outtie... Ja na! *dashes off*
