Well, Shayde-kun pointed out that I haven't been too active posting on theO, so I thought I'd put a small something here.

I'm unsatisfied. With everything. Pretty much blah. No job, no bf, no inspiration, no motivation. I've debated dropping out of PGR and also giving up on drawing. I'm really more tired than not, lately and the only thing I really look forward to is sleep. I've never had a plan for life, and I suppose that's come back to bite me in the butt. Or rather, whatever plans I did have seemed like my mother didn't agree with or she questioned them. It made me feel like I couldn't pursue what I wanted because it wasn't good enough. Family like mine usually expects me to aim higher just because I graduated college. What if I don't want to aim that high? What if I want to work my way up bit by bit? I've been deprived of what should have been some of the freer moments of my life because my dad couldn't be bothered to take his meds and substituted them with beer and now his situation's worse. Now my primary obligation is to stay around the house so that everyone's who has important things to do can get them done. But staying cooped up for so long with no real goals or purpose has softened me and I'm slowly going insane... Sometimes I hope that I can just drift off into a coma for a while just so I can have a break... *sighs*

My dreams don't seem that realistic anymore with not much inspiration on my side and the book industry seeming to give way to video games... I do not see a good future for myself, anymore. All I can do is get through each day. I feel it's only a matter of time before I'm kicked out of the house, even though my mom wouldn't want to part ways like that, I'm sure that after a certain point, even she'd get tired of me hanging around here...

I've noticed I've gotten weaker, physically, too. I've also lost a lot of my appetite and my calves have shrunk a bit. On the upside, I've managed to stay above 100 lbs, which seems to be my new average compared to the prior 97. *sighs* I don't even have the motivation to go out and lay on that sunny hill liked I'd planned to. I think I'm just going to curl up for a nap, for now, though... I do have at least one more art-related project I should complete because I promised my mom it would get done.

Ja mata