Let me just say ahead of time that I'm sorry for spamming your inboxes with more of my rant/venting. Seems I do that alot this year...
I just need to get these things out so they don't 'emotionally rot me from the inside out' so to speak. Sometimes I really wonder...
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Honestly mother, sometimes I don't what to think anymore...
When I was growing up, you taught me what to do and what NOT to do. Those lessons are some of the things that made me who I am today. Sure there were a few 'Do as I say, not as I do' moments but you still tried. But over the years, 'Do as I say, not as I do' happened more often.
You admit you have a alcohol problem but have yet to REALLY do something about it. Go to AA meetings, you're smarter then you think you are so don't waste your life on something so pointless!
Stop using it as a emotional band-aid, it never fixes anything.
I'm tired of worrying about you so much.
You raised me not to lie, but just yesterday you called your boss and lied so you didn't have to go to work. You said it was because you needed a day off and I could understand that, even though it seemed to me like the wrong way to do so.
Then you did it again today, telling me that 'You have a feeling they're doing something wrong'. Can you at least TELL me what you think they're doing wrong instead of just leaving me to wonder whether or not it's just another excuse?
And you've lied to me many times about various things. I try to give you the benefit of the doubt, but there are still times when I wonder if I can believe you.
I can't fix your life, that's something only you can do.
I'm not always going to be right there beside you, I have to go out into the world and make my own life.
My heart and soul HURT because it seems like there's nothing I can do to help.
You're my mother and I care about you, and I may not help in the ways you want me to but I still try. But it's like you just shut it out because my 'ways' of handling things are different from your 'ways'.
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Tsk...It's like...2 something in the morning.
I'm not sure if it's just insomnia that keeps me up or if it's stress too. Between the two, I'm amazed I sleep at all...seriously.
I know I keep saying this but...I really need a vacation from my life...
