Family-Part One.
Mom's Side:
Relations with this side of the family have been...tumultuous. And that's an understatement. Everytime we seemed to find a happy medium, something else fell apart. And when I say fell apart, I mean went up like a nuclear bomb <3 And I say this in a past sort of tense because well...I haven't talked to a good majority of this side of the clan for nearly 11 years now. Things have always been off and on for us, mainly because the siblings and their parents just didn't get along. There were a lot of quarrels from the past that they just didnt' let die...so there was always conflict. "You did this to me 30 years ago, I won't forgive you". I could understand if it were like...murder....but dude...it's stupid stuff. Even murderers are forgiven easier than my mother is by her family! I kid you not. Not to mention...she really didn't deserve the treatment she got, that's why I won't let her keep apologizing. It's their sadistic way of getting satisfaction.
Let's see. What have they done to me personally? A lot of crap that I won't talk to ANYONE about. It's just stuff that I hate to bring up, because I feel like I'm wrong complaining. Even though, deep down I know I'm not wrong. And, I also know that it wasn't right. *shrugs* But what's it going to help? You can't erase everything that happened. lol I lived through it, and I learned from it. It's made me wiser, and I'm just glad I wasn't hurt worse than I was. ^^ I was protected. :) I know that's really cryptic, and I'm sorry...know that the pain was more mental than physical though ^^
Now, in the year 2000, there was a MAJOR family blow up. I remember it very well...because it happened on my 13th birthday. My grandmother had come all the way from Oklahoma and the entire clan was going to get together to celebrate my birthday for the first time like, ever. Then...when she gets here, she looked me in the eye and told me to stop being so cheery because everyone coming were there to see "HER" and not me. Back in those days, I really didn't say anything back to any adult. I just conformed and obeyed...I was always a firm believer in the "Respect your Elders" saying. I can't even count how many times I got crushed from that belief. *laughs* Anyway, I was sad, but still happy to see my cousins. They were who I loved most anyway. Yet...after a beyond huge blow up...I remember my goodbye to my closest cousin. I promised her I would try to reach out to her again, and I WOULD see her again. I didn't think it would last this long...but behold, it's been 10 years. Almost 11. Lame, huh?
I did find my close cousin on Myspace, and I fulfilled my promise to her several times. I attempted to reach out to her so much...but never received any response. And then finally, I got a response. "Don't write to me. I dont' ever want to speak with you again, there's too much problems that come from associating with you and I don't want that. Hope you have a nice life, just leave me alone." It was much longer, but you get the gist, ne? And so...I fulfilled my second promise I included to her. Should she ask me to leave her alone, I would never try again. And you know what? I won't. And I won't ever forget her cowardice either.
Most recently, I found out her mother tried to forbid my younger cousin from speaking with me. Shortly after we started texting and attempting to reconnect. I was furious...but then utterly surprised. She texted me and said: "I dont' care what anyone says or thinks. I'm not going to stop talking to you because I want to know you. If they want to stop talking to me, that's their decision, but they are going to respect mine." I could not believe this 14 year old girl had more guts than my 21 year old cousin. ;w; I swear...I never expected it. Such a little rebel. xD
Ah...so long...and yet that's all really short. XD If that makes sense. Currently I have no idea what's going to happen with this side of the family, I just know I hold no grudges or ill-will. Life is too short. I firmly believe that if I'd been in their lives...my cousins wouldn't have had to go through some of what they did, but I have no control over that so should stop tormenting myself with guilt. My grandmother passed away a few years ago, and my mother didn't even get told until the day after she was buried. Everyone has a grudge against her since she wasn't at the funeral...but how could she go when she didn't even know her mother was dead? How cold is that? *shakes head* All i know is I'm an adult now, and I no longer abide by my child notions of what is right. If you wish for respect from me, you must earn it. And if you are wrong, I will sure as hell tell you.
*bows* Thank you for listening. I felt the need to record this...even though...to be blunt, I really don't share this stuff with people. *cough*
+-Kira-+
