Please Read This First!!!
I wasn't sure if it was safe to put Chapter 1 - "The First Encounter" on here due to certain mature content (although even with that removed I wasn't sure, so I decided to play it safe).
I will point out, that you don't need to read Chapter 1 to understand the plot (if you know the series) Chapter 1 serves more as an introduction for those who either remember very little of the story, or have never seen/read it. Chapter 2 is set 10 years after Chapter 1. And now, without further ado...
The Worth of A Miracle – The Second Encounter
Shinji Ikari sat bolt upright in bed, sweat poured from his face and his adam’s apple bobbed heavily as he gulped for the air that didn’t feel like it was reaching his lungs. He cried out in surprise as a feeling like electricity shot through his skull and he clasped his head firmly in both hands as if to ward of the sharp jolts. It had been ten years since he had a dream like that - since he had dreamt about him, he reminisced as he fumbled around on the bedside table for the remnants of his tablets. Fingers gracing the strip, Shinji toppled from his bed as he grabbed them and the bottle of water on the floor at his side. He threw back the pills and gulped in half of the bottle with a breath of satisfaction as his muscles loosened and his heart rate slowed.
Shinji thought back to that bizarre night ten years ago, at that time he had still been living with Misato. He smiled to himself as he remembered the slovenly state of her flat, Penpen’s refrigerator, the beer cans and ready meals and the chores charts which usually had more of his name than of hers on them. He had to admit, part of him missed those days. It had been difficult to leave, but he had felt deep inside his heart that he needed to be alone. He didn’t want to be, but he had always felt alienated and alone, no matter what. The only person that could alleviate the solitude he felt was gone. As the thought gripped Shinji, a pain, like a clamp gripped his heart. He still felt the pangs of guilt, even now. Knelt in his bed, hand clasped to his chest instinctively, a single tear rolled down his cheek,
“Kaworu...” Shinji whispered into the empty darkness.
“Your head hurts a lot doesn’t it, Shinji?”
That voice! A voice like cold silk, smooth and delicate but at the same time, not gentle in the least. Shinji turned to face the foot of his bed, at which stood a tall slender silhouette. Even in the blackness of the tiny apartment, the red twinkle of the young man’s eyes was still visible, piercing through the darkness and Shinji’s heart, leaving him shaking in fear - or was it exhilaration? There was a weak clicking sound and the dim light for Shinji’s bleakly painted room flickered into life. As Shinji’s eyes adjusted to the brightness, he looked once more at the towering figure at the end of his bed. There was no mistaking it. He looked up at the tall, smiling boy. He could be no more than fifteen years old, but his blood red eyes portrayed the knowledge of eons. His silver hair was fluffy and had a rich shine, making him appear almost unearthly. He wore a white school shirt, under which an orange t-shirt was just visible. He stood, both hands in the pockets of his black dress trousers, smiling in a knowing way which, like his eyes, betrayed his young complexion.
Kaworu Nagisa walked around the foot of Shinji’s bed and sat on the corner, his smile unfaltering.
“It’s been a long time, Shinji Ikari,” Kaworu said in a cheerful tone, eyes closing into a smile of simple bliss. “I have missed you terribly these past ten years”
“I.. I’ve missed you too,” Shinji replied, gaping open mouthed at the apparition in front of him, a damp streak still visible on his face, and wondering if he had taken too many pain killers and passed out and was now having another unnatural dream about his lost love. Kaworu stroked a white, spiderlike hand across Shinji’s face.
“You have aged well,” he smiled, stroking Shinji’s lips with his fingers, running them down his clean shaven chin, up the side of his face and across his forehead into his cropped brown hair. “But you frown too much,” he said, his brow furrowing as he thumbed the creases in the still dumbfounded youth’s forehead, “have you been so sad all this time?” At this, something in Shinji seemed to awaken and he turned away from Kaworu’s surprisingly strong grip.
“I’ve not had much to smile about,” Shinji sighed. “Things have been,” he paused momentarily and glanced at the red eyed seraph before turning his eyes down once more, “difficult.”
“I see,” Kaworu said almost gravely, his hand now sliding from the back of Shinji's head and down onto his elbow, which he squeezed gently, without another word.
The two sat in silence on Shinji's bed for what seemed like forever, before Shinji broke the stillness by jumping up from his knelt position and bustling about his room, stripping down from his pyjamas to nothing and dressing again in dark jeans and a plain t-shirt, all under the scrutiny of Kaworu’s unblinking red eyes. Shinji walked over to a rotting dresser on which a small stack of oblong boxes sat and removed a rattling plastic strip from the topmost box. He popped two cobalt blue capsules into his mouth and gulped, without taking any of the stale water in the bottle in front of the dirty mirror. He regarded Kaworu’s obscure reflection bitterly through the grime of the mirror.
“Is something the matter?” the beastly reflection inquired. No response. “Ahhh,” Kaworu grinned, a sight unnerving enough as it was, made more so by grotesque way in which the mirror seemed to warp his face into something gargoyle like, Shinji shuddered at the sight. “You don’t trust me after all this time..” Kaworu said, almost matter-of-factly and then paused. “or is it,” he cocked his head to one side coyly, “that you don’t trust yourself?” he raised an eyebrow and the all-knowing smile that he usually wore returned.
Shinji turned and glared at him.
“What do you expect?” he asked, his voice and arms rising in exasperation. “In case you forgot,” he took a step forward and shouted, “you’re DEAD!” Kaworu shifted on the bed so that he was sat upright, facing straight towards Shinji, hands clasped together on his knees.
“But I am here, am I not?” Kaworu stated patiently.
“I.. I don’t know,” Shinji lowered his voice and turned his head away. “how could you be? I killed you”
“But I came back for you ten years ago..”
“That was a dream”
“..And I promised I would return for you,” Now Kaworu too stood, lifting his hands, palms forwards, up to face level, “and here I am, what more proof do you need?”
“I can’t trust my eyes any more, I can’t believe your here again, It nearly killed me last time I thought you had come back and I found out that it was nothing more than a pathetic dream,” Shinji turned away, resting his hands on the dresser and staring downwards, “I must be going mad.”
“Blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.” Kaworu said, from much closer than Shinji had realised. His hands massaged Shinji's shoulders and coxed him to turn around with such gentle strength that Shinji had no choice but to yield.
Kaworu gripped Shinji's downturned face and forced him to look up into his eyes.
“Can you see me?” he asked bluntly, but sweetly.
“ y..yeas but..”
“Can you hear me?”
“y-es.. but..” before Shinji could argue Kaworu kissed him forcefully, pressing their lips together with such strength that Shinji uttered a meek cry. The kiss slowly moved from a violent one sided press to a gentle and restrained passionate kiss, teeth clicking together quietly, Kaworu occasionally pausing to nip at Shinji's moistened lower lip. When the two finally parted Shinji looked to be in pure ecstasy, like a starved man given a grand feast. He stared at Kaworu through partially closed, dazed eyes.
“And you felt that, did you not?”. Shinji nodded silently, tasting the remnants of Kaworu on his lips. “Then please, believe me, I am real” Kaworu implored, taking Shinji's hands in his own and slowly pulling him down onto his knees, so the two knelt, staring at one another, on the dusty tiled floor, under the dim bulb in Shinji's miserable room.
“Do you remember,” Kaworu said, pressing his head to Shinji's and staring into his eyes, “why I came to see you before?”
“You wanted me to go somewhere, right?” Shinji said, the details hazy after all the years and the heaps of pain meds.
“Exactly,” he kissed Shinji lightly, as if in reward for his remembrance. “And so, you know why I am here now then?”
“Because I said no before?” Another kiss.
“You trust me now, yes?”
“Yes,” as if he had forgotten his rage from before, Shinji's answer was like a bullet, he was beginning to remember why he hated Kaworu so much. His intoxicating, suggestive voice that made Shinji do everything he said, the horrible feeling Shinji got when he saw him, that he was at peace, but could never stay that way. Like everyone else, Kaworu would always leave him.
“Do you still love me?”
“Yes,” it hurt to say such a thing out loud again, because Shinji knew what was coming next, and the pain it would bring. Kaworu stood and outstretched his hand to Shinji.
“Will you come with me this time?” Shinji turned his head away once more, he couldn’t look at Kaworu while he said this, he didn’t want to say it, but part of him told him it had to be so.
“No,” he looked up at his silver haired lover, tears welling in his eyes, “I’m sorry Kaworu, I can’t, you know I can’t”
Kaworu smiled as he always did and with an air of acceptance and omnipotence to his voice said; “I expected as much, well then,” he knelt back down and kissed Shinji's forehead tenderly, “good bye, Shinji Ikari, I will see you again soon,” he stood and turned away, “I hope you will have changed your mind by the time we next meet”. He smiled cheerfully, glancing over his shoulder at the once again heartbroken youth and faded away into nothing.
Shinji's eyes flashed open and he looked around him without moving his head. Sounds of bustling people and beeping were everywhere and then a familiar voice from somewhere just out of his field of vision cried out.
“He’s awake! Someone! Get a Doctor! He’s awake!”It was a loud coarse voice, but it was a feminine one.
“Mi-sa..”
“Yes Shinji, I’m here” Misato yelled “are you ok?” Shinji mumbled the closest thing he could find to “yes, I’m fine thank you, how are you? Oh, and, where exactly am I?” but all that could came out were some garbled vowels.
“Take it easy Mr Ikari” said a stocky man in a white coat, whom Shinji took to be a doctor. “you’ve just had your stomach pumped. Miss Katsuragi found you in your apartment, you took too many pain killers and passed out, if she hadn’t found you when she did - you could have been in a much worse state,” he said, nodding politely to Misato. “We’ll be keeping you in for observations for a couple more days, running some routine tests and then you can go home” he concluded as he filled out a chart and then walked away to another patient’s bed.
Misato grabbed Shinji's hand and squeezed it.
Somewhere, in this world, she was giving him a lecture about being more careful now he lives alone, but Shinji couldn’t hear her. He was feeling Kaworu’s hand in his, talking about holidays to France, Italy, wherever Shinji liked, even the moon if he wished. As he lay there in the hospital bed, Shinji listened to the far off voice of his lover promising the greatest things imaginable. He licked his lips as he thought of delicious food which Kaworu mentioned in his mind. The taste of Kaworu was still on them, or was it?
