Today was a terrible day...I had to deal with some douchebags in my study hall (which I handled pretty good). Then after school and the stupid pep rally event, I was riding home with Cait. I started feeling bad on the way there...She needed me to be in her "Of Mice and Men" video. But I felt terrible and wanted to go to my bed and sleep all day. I was about to, but I didn't want to disapoint Caitlin. So I got my stuff and headed over there.
When I got there, I seemed ok. But I sat on her couch and sorta got real quiet. Caitlin noticed and asked if anything was wrong. I told her I was ok. So we were on our way to the park when she kept asking me because I seemed down. I told her I was fine over and over, but she could tell I wasn't alright. So I told her about what happened at school and said I just felt a lil bad for some reason. Then we continued on with her annoying little brother. She forgot the script and we had to go back and get it. After we did, we went back to the park and by the river. We had to wait for some fishers to move because they were in the spot where we were filming.
After about a half-hour of some random lady talking to us about fish, they left and we were able to film. At this point, I was feeling terrible and didn't think I could do the roll at the moment. We set up and did the first scene ok. But then the 2nd scene....it had dialouge and I didn't think I could do it in my state. She started filming and I just said, "N...no..n.no..no...". She stopped filmig and handed me the script thinking I just needed to learn the lines again. I looked up and down the script acting like I was interested......but then I dropped my head down as my eyes started to fill with tears. I started crying right there sitting on a log by the river. Cait took the script from me and asked me if I was ok...but I just kept crying. Then I put my head in her lap as I wept...
Her father came along with her mom to take Cooper off our hands, so I stopped crying and blew my nose. After they left, I cried even harder. I couldn't stop. I told Cait I was sorry cus I didn't think I could do it for her and felt like I let her down...She told me it was ok. I told her I didn't want to even go do it, but I didn't want to disapoint her. She kept telling me it's ok and that she didn't want to force me if I didn't want to and if she knew that, she wouldn't have had us go do it. She also said she cared alot more about me than the stupid video...which made me feel better. She asked me if I wanted to go home and rest. I nodded and we picked up the things and headed home. It was a silent trip back to her house...I didn't say a word....We went into her house and went into her room. She wrapped a blanket around me and I slept a couple times until her mom wanted to get us food.
As forr the reason I cried...I hate alot of people at school. And I build up alot of stress and anger. So every once in a while, I need to let that all out. So I guess today was my time...I hate to tell you all this, but today sucked for me.