This is mainly for when i need help with certain problems that may or may not be serious. I am mostly asking for suggestions on what i should do or how i should overcome certain heartaches i guess you could say on daily life. Hope you all could help me ^-^ This is also for getting to know me better if any are interested.
- Created By KrisinNihilist
Feelings Hurt
There is always a time in our lives where we find pain and sorrow. grabbing hold of us like a child. We ignore and we turn away but it wasn't suppose to be this way. sometimes i wonder whether or not our world is falling. falling from happiness and joy. I say this because everyday its almost the same. Whether its my father or my mother. My sister or my brother , or simply just because they remind me of the pain i once held.
I know some have diaries and journals that they use to seal away on paper their troubles and their pain. but sometimes it can be grand and the happiest moments. but for me. personally. I write and draw my worries away. Its embarrassing or frustrating seeing a younger one or your parents and so on read your diary/journal or catch them talking about it. it hurts to know this happens but to me. I simply don't care because i won't let it emotionally hurt me. Though , today i found out that someone in my family ( not telling who ) wrote in my journal. Words that hurt. Words that scar. Words that i will never ever forgive. When people say that you are a liar and its true it sucks to have them be right. But it hurts when someone calls me liar when they are denying a person's existence. someone i held dear in my heart. Someone I cared for but is no longer around. Then to have someone write constantly " your a dumbass " or " she never existed" or " Get over it , you schmuck " At first i wanted to confront "it" full force my feelings bashing away , but that isn't me. over time i laid down thinking over and over how much it hurts and how much i hated "it". I never wished anyone harm in anyway besides today. I may have said things to threaten others that i will do so but i never have done. "It" was like everyone else at my school , self-centered , violent , rude , self-caring , and took pride in their work of hurting me.
I never spoke out. never " tattle tailed " on another. I kept it locked inside so deep that every once in a blue moon. I let it all out. alone in the dark thinking why , thinking how , believing that i should not have existed. Well , one way or another I slip by without anyone ever noticing without anyone apologizing what they have done to me. That's fine. I was a loner and a shut-in from the start.
Sorry to any of those who may have read this. i have a terrible day and may not post any artwork of mine for awhile longer. Don't you all worry either I'll be back in full spirits , so to speak. This was my way of escape. to vent off the feelings that harm me deep inside. Once again I sincerely Apologize.
Uncertainty
hello again fellow Otaku. my friends and all. Im pretty much going to explain more about myself and how well i take things in reality.
I know each person in life regrets and or tries to forget something they don't want to remember , but always realize this is who you are. its hard to change yourself into someone you cannot be. im not saying that you can't , it just feels to me.. its painful. enough of that though XD. You see I was named after a sacrificial dagger ( knife) that was used for well sacrificial purposes. it was called a "Kriss". I always loved the name but later on in life , it took more of a purpose onto me. I have my downsides as well as my up. and so does everyone else we are differentiated , diverse from another which makes us. Us. remember when i said it is hard to change who we are. Well , I've tried so hard throughout the years. I tried to make friends by changing for them to like what they liked. To think how they thinked. and Be who they have become. I wanted to find a purpose , wanted to find an existence worth keeping. an existence i am proud to say it is my own , because ever since i was seven years of age. I have felt out of place , within no ones reach to grab their hand and say " hey? could you be my friend?" No. I was a shut-in. Im still a shut-in. but that is who I am. I began to love watching others "playing" , "talking" , "argue" , "laugh" and in moments "shared there thoughts" with one another. numerous times i wanted to feel like that. so my upsides of my individuality was my imagination , my skill in sketching , and the Big Heart i was given. You see , I care so much about others that i don't even try. but in moments in desperation or in the need to speak with another. I hide in the dark. I care too much or thats what i tell myself that sometimes i hurt myself for trying to much. now for another give away about me. I have never hated anyone. never. even when they cast me aside or say lets meet up and it never happened. or completely ignored or shunned. i kept a smile on my face and said to myself " I am happy to know i have friends ". Later on i realized that i was so uncertain of how much it affected me. to this day.
Not a single day goes by when i don't think about them. every one of them locked inside of me. I can't let go. I'm a lovable person yet at some points I cry when i mean to smile. But since then i keep on smiling and I am happy to meet all of you. because you have been locked deep inside to. I hope i can be locked away the same C:
my right Eye is missing!! D:
Well for starters let me just say. I've lost my right eye!!! oh the pain! Lol. just kidding actually i lost my contact for my right eye and when i found it.. well lets say it was on my face torn in half. Yep. great thing to start off my day but i wont let that get me down. though im a little worried i might go blind in one eye but at the same time I was thinking of being The Half-Blind Art man! ( You guys , Booing at me ) No Good huh? LOL well im in high spirits so to speak. and enjoying my peaceful , quiet afternoon. so thats what has been going on as of today ^.^ Laters!
More about me
so you know my name is Kristofer , and that i like alot of things.
but now i'll tell you what i usually don't like. when i say i don't like its not necessarily that i hate it but it doesn't feel right , so to speak. i think? i don't know what im saying haha! anyways. I dislike the feeling of feeling alone , i really do which is probably what led me here and also because I have a Fear of being rejected. which sadly i have been in the past but i guess you learn from your mistakes i suppose. I'm still unsure about how well i will be here but i hope to make the best of it. Now , # 2 will probably be arguing. I know its childish but I hate hearing people blaming others or themselves ( myself included) about what whether should have been or shouldn't been a problem. and im not talking about like some of those serious crimes but you get what im saying ( I hope O.o ) Just the feeling of hearing people release all their frustration and anger is not a good feeling for anyone. ( and if it does make you feel good , please go see a doctor ) Now. last but not least , this kinda goes along with being "invisible" and alone but its one of those feelings where you feel hopelessness. I can't put it to words because i don't know? maybe i feel uncomfortable or perhaps its a sensitive subject well anyways Lol. Hope this helps someone of you in the near future. Tschau!
