hello again fellow Otaku. my friends and all. Im pretty much going to explain more about myself and how well i take things in reality.
I know each person in life regrets and or tries to forget something they don't want to remember , but always realize this is who you are. its hard to change yourself into someone you cannot be. im not saying that you can't , it just feels to me.. its painful. enough of that though XD. You see I was named after a sacrificial dagger ( knife) that was used for well sacrificial purposes. it was called a "Kriss". I always loved the name but later on in life , it took more of a purpose onto me. I have my downsides as well as my up. and so does everyone else we are differentiated , diverse from another which makes us. Us. remember when i said it is hard to change who we are. Well , I've tried so hard throughout the years. I tried to make friends by changing for them to like what they liked. To think how they thinked. and Be who they have become. I wanted to find a purpose , wanted to find an existence worth keeping. an existence i am proud to say it is my own , because ever since i was seven years of age. I have felt out of place , within no ones reach to grab their hand and say " hey? could you be my friend?" No. I was a shut-in. Im still a shut-in. but that is who I am. I began to love watching others "playing" , "talking" , "argue" , "laugh" and in moments "shared there thoughts" with one another. numerous times i wanted to feel like that. so my upsides of my individuality was my imagination , my skill in sketching , and the Big Heart i was given. You see , I care so much about others that i don't even try. but in moments in desperation or in the need to speak with another. I hide in the dark. I care too much or thats what i tell myself that sometimes i hurt myself for trying to much. now for another give away about me. I have never hated anyone. never. even when they cast me aside or say lets meet up and it never happened. or completely ignored or shunned. i kept a smile on my face and said to myself " I am happy to know i have friends ". Later on i realized that i was so uncertain of how much it affected me. to this day.
Not a single day goes by when i don't think about them. every one of them locked inside of me. I can't let go. I'm a lovable person yet at some points I cry when i mean to smile. But since then i keep on smiling and I am happy to meet all of you. because you have been locked deep inside to. I hope i can be locked away the same C: