There is always a time in our lives where we find pain and sorrow. grabbing hold of us like a child. We ignore and we turn away but it wasn't suppose to be this way. sometimes i wonder whether or not our world is falling. falling from happiness and joy. I say this because everyday its almost the same. Whether its my father or my mother. My sister or my brother , or simply just because they remind me of the pain i once held.
I know some have diaries and journals that they use to seal away on paper their troubles and their pain. but sometimes it can be grand and the happiest moments. but for me. personally. I write and draw my worries away. Its embarrassing or frustrating seeing a younger one or your parents and so on read your diary/journal or catch them talking about it. it hurts to know this happens but to me. I simply don't care because i won't let it emotionally hurt me. Though , today i found out that someone in my family ( not telling who ) wrote in my journal. Words that hurt. Words that scar. Words that i will never ever forgive. When people say that you are a liar and its true it sucks to have them be right. But it hurts when someone calls me liar when they are denying a person's existence. someone i held dear in my heart. Someone I cared for but is no longer around. Then to have someone write constantly " your a dumbass " or " she never existed" or " Get over it , you schmuck " At first i wanted to confront "it" full force my feelings bashing away , but that isn't me. over time i laid down thinking over and over how much it hurts and how much i hated "it". I never wished anyone harm in anyway besides today. I may have said things to threaten others that i will do so but i never have done. "It" was like everyone else at my school , self-centered , violent , rude , self-caring , and took pride in their work of hurting me.
I never spoke out. never " tattle tailed " on another. I kept it locked inside so deep that every once in a blue moon. I let it all out. alone in the dark thinking why , thinking how , believing that i should not have existed. Well , one way or another I slip by without anyone ever noticing without anyone apologizing what they have done to me. That's fine. I was a loner and a shut-in from the start.
Sorry to any of those who may have read this. i have a terrible day and may not post any artwork of mine for awhile longer. Don't you all worry either I'll be back in full spirits , so to speak. This was my way of escape. to vent off the feelings that harm me deep inside. Once again I sincerely Apologize.
