Hello every Otaku lover out there. Its Kris again. ( yes its my real name ) so today i have been feeling rather lonely and alone these past couple of days. some things just haven't been going how it should. I expect nice things to happen but end up being hurt and exile myself away from all whom i call my family. These feelings i endure constantly , and so... I draw them. ALONE was one such drawing. The character reflects a sort of life style of mine where deep within my heart and soul it feels as if it is shattered and step on , turning to dust to those i wanted to say " Hey , will you be my friend ". None of you really know me from my school life so i'll give you some time to think of how I have felt. Okay , for one I was never good on tests. ( midterms specifically ) A fear of nervousness and anxiety overwhelm me at times but in most cases i did fairly well some much better than others. My favorite classes were those of Art and Literature. my least favorite was P.E. I didn't suck at sports or anything i just never took a joy in participating. especially with others. During middle school i was picked on most of the time because i never fought back or started an argument. I smiled and accepted it and walked away as i usually do. Every kid boy and girl sometimes teachers avoided me later on. I had an aura of emptiness and solitude that made others afraid. Don't get me wrong , I did have friends but they didn't last long. I moved constantly so i could never make any real friends whom i can call or come visit and such , so eventually i became a loner. I loved being alone for a time. too long i might add. during my highschool days I've became a ghost. A spectre lurking in corners where no one looks , sat at the end of the classroom alone away from everyone. Took my studies but most of the time i day dreamed , forgetting everything that currently existed in the classroom. Imagining. thinking. Every time i came in contact in these participation's in class I came to conclusions with scenarios running through my mind. Always thinking the most depressive route but most of the time i wanted to smile and say " sure let's have fun" or such. But in the end. I was slowly becoming an outcast. Soon everyone forgot my name and my existence. It kinda feels similar to the anime i watched called Another. anyway. I was in NY at the time finishing my days in highschool. going to an art program with other artists whom I remember , but to my torment they have forgotten all about me. I currently have two friends whom I talk to. though most of the time we don't. I'm sharing this because i think of you all as precious friends of mine. Although i'm really distant and shy in Life , I am too kind hearted to share what really harms me. Loneliness was the first "curse" I have felt. Forgive me if this disturbs any of you. I wanted to all to know who I am and what i want to become.
I have drawn something that would bring a tear to your eye but to my misfortune. it was ripped apart and thrown out. It was an Eye overlooking the devastation of our home from all our hate and violence. The picture reflected how I saw things where life was so unfair yet so beautiful at the same time. I just want to be able to continue seeing how my life will change from this dark depressing life to a more fruitful and luscious one. One where i could tell you all how i really feel deep inside.
Thanks for taking the time to read this for any of those who care. It really helps to know I have people whom i can relate to. ^-^