Hello everyone! its been awhile or seemed at least it felt that way. I know that i don't know as much as everyone , and its understandable that i may be incorrect on numerous things. Sometimes i feel as though I am wrong on much of everything that corresponds with my daily life. Usually i just ignore it , but most of the time if you don't have that potential to hide your feelings and let hurtful words or actions slide. You burst into any emotion that you feel locked deep inside. My family says that I am strong but i think otherwise. I believe I am vulnerable when it comes to the outside world. I don't like change , its not that its a bad thing. Its that I am so far behind and feel like a belong in the past. I struggle to keep up with everyone else. Family , friends and the ones i keep close to my heart. There are times when i feel as though I am just everyone's doll or toy being thrown around , shattered , broken or disabled to do what i was created to do. But a few years later that someone finds something else that is much cooler or much more advanced that I am not even worth there time to worry about. Sooner or later I am thrown out. right now , I am typing this and thinking to myself should i share something personal like this or would it be wrong to rely on others for support? To be honest I am easily frightened of myself when i make decisions. If you don't pick the right choice or right action it leads to some disappointment or someone close gets hurt in some way.
I am easily ignored and avoided so i don't blame anyone who does think so. I guess I am only seeking something or someone at least to understand. Did you all know before i wanted to become an artist. I wanted to be a scientist. And no ordinary scientist , a scientist that wanted to study on emotions and feelings and find a way to cure hate , sadness , and depression. Weird huh? xD than after that dream subsided i wanted to become an artist. Though I believe even then I think i don't fit in. My art isn't the best nor the worst its just simple i guess would be the right thing to say. but last year or two Would you believe me if I said i wanted to become a butler for a family. Rich , poor or a family that needs a nobody who would be happy enough to be able to help in some way. Honestly , i hate cursing throughout my household , hate the feeling of wanting to disappear and most of all. Hate the laziness that my family has at some points. I try to be considerate as much as possible , I try to be kind and work out some sort of agreement but alas it is to be not.
So in the end of this little part of my life. My Dreams are just too far to Reach. ^-^