Kon couldn’t take it. An espada and a human falling in love? What if the human in question was his lovely Orihime!? Then she might decide to stay in Las Noches! No! She wouldn’t be able to survive living among Aizen and his followers! These were the thoughts that frantically ran through Kon’s head. Well, that, and he was a little curious. In any case, upon spotting Yammy, he decided to ask him about it.
“You know that rumor about an espada getting lovey-dovey with a human?”
Yammy “pfft”-ed, then seemed to change his mind. “Actually, I may know something…” He grinned.
“Oh, really? Care to share?” Kon replied.
“And why should I share with a freaky loudmouth monkey toy like you?!”
“Is it Ulquiorra!?”
Yammy laughed. “Why would you say him?”
“.......”
“I mean, why would you assume him just like that?”
“Look, I'm just throwing guesses out, okay!?”
“Have anyone else in mind?”
Embarrased and annoyed, Kon mumbled, “Grimmjow?”
Yammy’s eyes went wide. Like this: O_o “Him?!”
Kon flailed. “I don't know! The person RPing me has been reading too much fanfiction! It's messing me up!”
Yammy chuckled. “Actually, I think it’s Ulquiorra as well…”
“...then why didn't you say so!?”
“Messin' with you.”
“Grrrrrrrrr!” He kicked Yammy.
“Ow, that hurt SO bad…”
“Oh HAHAHA. Such a funny guy.”
Yammy ignored him. “Anyway, why are you guys into our business?”
“I'M interested because what if the human in question is my lovely Orihime!? She's at the mercy of the bad guys (no offense)! GAH! Thinking about some bastard espada's (again no offense) hands on her PISSES ME OFF!” He shouted random, frustrated syllables.
When the doll was done, Yammy said, “From what I hear, no one likes you... so why bother?”
“Psh. I happen to be some fans' favorite character. And Neliel likes me!”
Yammy laughed again. “Nel likes most people… except Nnoitora. But don’t worry, your woman isn’t in the equation, I don’t think anyway…”
Kon gave a relieved sigh. “Wonder who it is, then? Kitabug's human...I think.”
Yammy pondered that. “I think she is too...but she's...whooboy, that's a hard one.”
“Confuzzling. I mean, she's on your side (I think - I don't really pay attention much) so it shouldn't be that big a deal if she gets together with one of the espada, should it?
“You’d think, right?” Yammy said.
“Unless Aizen's afraid she'll give Ulquiorra a heart or something,” Kon replied.
“Hmm.” Yammy thought for a moment.
“That's incredibly corny, huh?" He laughed.
“It’s crazy. I know I’ve heard Ichigo’s trying to sway her to your side, but I don’t know how that’s going…”
Kon stared. “He is!? I wouldn't mind another cute girl on our side,” Kon sighed, “but she’s with emoboy.”
“I doubt Orihime likes Ulquiorra,” Yammy put in helpfully.
“She has a crush on Ichigo,” Kon said, falling into depression. “And Rukia obviously has something going on with Ichigo…damn him.”
“I thought it was Rukia and Renji.”
“Rukia and Abarai?” He shrugged. “Eh, maybe. In any case, I have no one.” Gloomface.
Yammy laughed. “Welcome to the bachelor’s pad.” Kon sighed. “Hey now,” Yammy said, patting the doll’s back. “There’s nothing wrong with being single.”
“I guess…” Kon sighed. Then he perked up a bit and said, “It’s good having a friend like you…”
Yammy chuckled. “I’m not such a bad guy. Most of the time.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After Yammy, Kon left to find Ulquiorra. Because annoying emo people is fun. After much poking and cero blasting and pointless insulting, Kon finally remembered that there was a question he wanted to ask. He had a rather difficult time popping it, though. “Hey.” Ulquiorra ignored him.
“HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.”
“HEY EMOBOY.” He poked him again.
“What?”
“You have a thing for Kita?”
“No.” This was going to be difficult, wasn’t it?
“Really?”
“…I am positive.”
“Are you positive you’re positive?”
“…garbage. I refuse to repeat myself.”
“Surrrrrrrrrrre you aren’t in denial?”
“Idiot.”
Kon sighed wistfully. “Love is such a beautiful thing, Ulquiorra...one day you'll realize that.”
“Hmm.”
The doll nodded sagely. “I've experienced it myself...But alas, my love is doomed to be unrequited...”
“Hmm.”
“But you...don't let it slip out of your grasp...If you don't act on your feelings before it's too late, you will forever regret it!” Tears streamed from Kon’s eyes. Ulquiorra blinked.
Kon gently placed a rose in his hands. “This flower was to be given to my One True...but alas…” He coughed. “Go, give it to her! Don't wait!!” he cried. Then he disappeared in a cloud of whirling rose petals.
Ulquiorra dropped the rose on the floor. “...trash.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kon appeared back beside Yammy in a cloud of whirling rose petals.
".....”
“He denied it,” Kon said.
“Well did you expect him to be honest about it?”
Kon shrugged, then grinned, hopped on Yammy’s shoulder, and murmured something in his ear on the off-chance that Kita was listening in. Yammy looked disbelieving. Kon grinned and said something else, to which he gave a grin in return that turned into a laugh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kon reappeared beside Ulquiorra long enough to say: “Just so ya know, midnight is an incredibly romantic time to make confessions and such.” He redisappeared.
“I will be in my domain at that time.”
Rose petals brushed past Ulquiorra on a breeze. "...idiot."
